When I get home, I struggle to look in the mirror because I don’t want to face myself. I don’t know what to say to my reflection. We haven’t been friends for a while now. I look away and swallow the reality that tomorrow will be just like today, another day filled with people staring at me. I am dreading it.
2015 It’s such an exhilarating sensation to feel so loved and have so many people staring at you. I see a huge sign with flashing lights outside the venue that reads “Lilly Singh’s A Trip to Unicorn Island—SOLD OUT.” I know tonight is going to be magical. I want to be on tour forever, sitting in my dressing room, ready to take on another city. I feel my best when I’m onstage, and to be honest, it’s where I am my best.
I pace back and forth backstage, fired up, ready to put on the show of a lifetime. My stride is strong and full of power. My chin is up, my head is high, and my body is ready. I am so happy.
When I walk onto the stage, everyone is on their feet, screaming with excitement, looking at me. It doesn’t just FEEL like they’re looking at me, I can SEE them looking at me, and it feels magnificent. When I’m performing, my charisma can’t go unnoticed. I’m floating, with complete confidence, from one side of the stage to another. I feel comfortable here, with all eyes on me. And when I have to leave this stage, I’ll be counting down the seconds until I return.
I take a long look at myself in the mirror before and after each show. My reflection is of Superwoman. I look her right in the eyes and have a conversation with her, telling her how proud I am of her. She’s my best friend. I reluctantly pull myself away from the mirror and begin taking my costume off.
I feel blessed that tomorrow is another show and I get to live this reality again. I am living for it.
PART 3
MAKE HEADS TURN
A Bawse doesn’t blend into a crowd—they stand out. In this section you’ll learn how to make people pay attention to you, how to interact with others effectively, how to have an unforgettable presence, and how to use your deeper understanding of who you are to be the best possible version of yourself. There are 7 billion people on the planet. That’s 14 billion socks to knock off.
SINCE BIRTH I’m sure you’ve heard the magical words “you’re special” repeated by your parents, your teachers, and your favorite children’s TV show host. I grew up watching Barney, that giant purple dinosaur who was always smiling and friendly. Now that I think about it, maybe he was a little too smiley. Then again, Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato were on the show as toddlers, so I guess that would make me smile nonstop too. This purple friend of mine would tell me on a daily basis how special I was. And how special my friends were. And my classmates. And my neighbors (even though they would put their excess garbage bags on our driveway because they exceeded the limit). Everyone was special! Well, I’m here to tell you two things: (1) you’re special and (2) you’re not special.
You’re special because you are a unique individual possessing a set of characteristics that no one else in the world has. Even if you have an identical twin born four minutes after you (in which case you should probably hug your mother’s uterus on a daily basis), there is still no one in the world exactly like you—and that makes you special. But that specialness goes away if you do not do anything with your unique characteristics. Harry Potter is special because he is a powerful wizard and uses his powers for good. Imagine if he discovered his powers, got accepted into Hogwarts, and then decided, “Nah, I’m good. I’m just going to continue living under these stairs, not using my powers, and let these next four books be a major flop. Sorry, J. K. Rowling, no bestsellers for you!”
Millennials in particular have been raised in an environment that validates them left and right and makes them feel entitled to success and great things. Instead of working hard to achieve success, some of them have grown up under the illusion that success should automatically be granted to them. I believe there are a few reasons for this. First, social media has made it easy to feel special for no reason at all. If you can sign into Tumblr, then you deserve to feel special—and look, there’s a quote right there to reassure you, you queen. If you ever feel like you’re not accomplishing enough, that’s okay! Your last Instagram picture got seventy likes! Retweets, double taps, reblogs, and followers are all modern-day forms of validation. Today an Instagram picture of you at the gym that gets a lot of likes is more validating than the actual benefits of going to the gym. Who needs health and muscles when I got double taps?! That’s the real win! And … that’s wack.
Second, now more than ever, there are ten thousand people online—and in real life—telling you how to raise your kids: feed them organic foods, tell them you love them four times a day, and hug them with both arms every half hour so they can feel your warmth. I’m not a parent, so I’m not going to comment too much on raising kids. But I will say that I have witnessed firsthand the effects of parents who too readily validate their children and everything they do.
I once had a friend who was awesome. He was a truly nice guy—very polite and pleasant to be around. Over time I noticed that he had one characteristic that I didn’t particularly enjoy, and that was his sense of entitlement. During an argument, he would assume that it was everyone’s job to nurture his feelings and make them a priority. If his accomplishments were not celebrated to the extreme, he would feel disrespected. If he made plans and they didn’t go exactly the way he wanted, he would become enraged. I didn’t understand why he had this entitlement complex until I met his family. Within moments it was clear that he had grown up surrounded by constant validation. Every sentence was praise for their godlike son, who was the pride and joy of the entire human race. Every single accomplishment, no matter how big or small, garnered celebratory cake, gifts, and a roundtable discussion about how great my friend was. Within an hour I was drowning in a pool of validation. And it wasn’t a pleasant pool with a swim-up bar and cute floaties, but rather quite concerning. I now understood why my friend acted the way he did. He’d been raised as the king of the family and thus believed he should be treated like a king in all other situations. Well, what a harsh reality he is going to face in life.
A Bawse knows that if they’re going to feel validated, it should happen only when they accomplish goals or contribute to society. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of feeling special for no reason, especially since validation feels so good. A few years ago I was asked to host VidCon, a huge convention that features YouTube creators and thousands and thousands of fans. In other words, it’s three days of wonderful chaos and screaming as fans try to sneak into hotel rooms, take selfies with their favorite creators, and get various parts of their bodies autographed.