"Indeed." The music swelled around me and my aching feet wanted to sit, but if Simon wouldn't, I wouldn't. I had my pride.
"Look, Frederick. I understand you may have feelings for Miss Rebecca…" And here it came, the part where I assumed he'd tell me to leave her alone, that he wanted to court her and as a titled person, he would have first rights to her — if she accepted of course. I, however, wanted to hear none of that. I knew the ways of the world and thought they were stupid. In my mind, love should trump all. Love then money then titles. That should have been the order of things. Whoever invented the world — God or man — they got the rules backwards.
"Miss Rebecca has feelings for me," I told him straight out, lest he make a fool of himself more. I do have feelings and I didn't want to watch Simon wallow. Also, I wanted Simon to know that I had won and that the game wasn't still being played.
Simon nearly spat out his drink at my revelation. "Does she? Did she tell you as much?"
"Yes," I lied, though it wasn't entirely a lie. She had told me she loved me. Not with her words, but with her actions, her smiles, the way she looked at me when we were close, the tender way she stiffened when my fingers touched her back. These things were more important than words to me, for what are words? I can say "I love you," but what does it matter if I don't have the experience behind it? Words are mere words, useless unless an emotion is there to bind them.
Rebecca's actions spoke volumes to me. They reassured me of her commitment. When she danced with her cousin Anthony, her eyes found me several times as if to say she wished it were me she was with. The feeling was mutual, for I wished the same thing.
Simon blew out a deep breath and set his empty glass on the mantel behind the decorations. Very poor taste, but who am I to judge? "She really told you that? Did you propose a courtship?"
This was something I hadn't done because I hadn't been alone with her, but I would have. The next moment I was alone with her, I'd ask and she'd say yes. I just wasn't sure how to tell this to Simon. If I said no, he would think Rebecca was fair game, and she was not. If I said yes and he caught me in the lie, Rebecca might not take it well and leave me for being a liar. I knew she deserved better than that so I hesitated before I spoke.
Thankfully, the music ended and Anthony led Rebecca back to us before I had to answer the question. God was truly on my side at that moment, or so I thought.
"Excuse me," I told Simon and then forgot all about him. I walked up to Rebecca and Anthony, not acknowledging my friend any more than he had been acknowledging me.
"May I have a word?" I asked Rebecca with my hands clamped behind my back. My hands which were aching to touch her again.
Rebecca looked to Anthony, then Simon, then back to me…
"You don't have to if you don't…" Anthony began but she cleared her throat to stop his sentence.
"It is quite alright, cousin. I would be glad to accompany Mr. Dodsworth." She raised her delicate hand and I took it, overjoyed that Simon — and Anthony — got to see her choice. As I led her out of the ballroom, I took the time to wink at Simon just to let him in on the fact that I had won — and he'd better not forget it.
If only I had played a better game.
We retreated to the foyer and stopped at the stairs. After a brief chat, Rebecca went up the stairs to retrieve her cloak and I sought my hat and top coat. I knew it was frigid outside for the sun had gone down a while before, but I also knew that there were too many people and too many prying eyes in the Wexley Manor. I wanted some time alone with Rebecca to make my intentions known to her.
You may think me foolish to move so quickly, but have you forgotten about my good friend Wexley? He knew all about my secret and do you really believe that I trusted him not to tell Rebecca? Actually, yes. I did believe he would not tell her, but only on that night. I believed that he would not want to ruin her fun in the evening and, after I'd left, have a chat with her in the morning. I knew he liked me as a friend, loved even because I loved him as a brother. Still, when it came to family, real blood family, that mattered not.
I wanted to talk to Rebecca first before Anthony had a chance. If she had to know of my station in life, then I would have rather it come from my lips and not his. I thought, perhaps, that I could tell her about it in such a way that she wouldn't worry for her future. I had prospects. I had job opportunities. I could support her — someday. I was a bit naive back then, but I had faith in myself and that was all I needed. I knew I could convince her that love was enough — that what she felt for me was enough.