No, what we were doing wasn't proper. We should not have been outside alone, let alone wandering the gardens alone at night. If a daughter I cared about ever dared to do what I did… or if ever a man ever had the gumption to take her outside alone, I would have my pistol at the ready and he would not see his next birthday.
However, at the time, I had none of the things young men dream about running through my body. Though it is obvious that Rebecca was beautiful, at that moment, I had no indecent thoughts about what we could do so far away from chaperones. On one hand, it was freezing cold and the notion of being inappropriate would not be entirely possible. On the other hand, I knew I only had precious few moments alone with Rebecca and I did not want to waste them.
We walked through the hedge maze, her arm tucked in the crook in my elbow, as we watched the little flurries dance in the sky thanks to the light of my lantern. I had no fears in that instant. Only peace. Only perfect peace for I knew what I was doing was right. I believed in God, and I didn't think He would give me such feelings if they weren't honest and true. He wouldn't have caused me to love her so fully if He didn't make her love me just the same. It would be a cruel thing to do to a person and the God my mother told me about wasn't cruel.
I will speak no more on the matter of God or good and evil. I will say that people make their own paths in this life. Their own decisions. Some people in the here and now say that I am a monster for using a man's sins against him. I say this… if a certain man committed no sins, I would have nothing to use. If a certain man was good and honest and pure and did no wrong, then I would have no leverage over him. The men have their own sins. I do not cause them. I do not make people sin. I only learn of them. I learn of them. I use them. How does that make me evil?
"What's out here?" I asked as my nose became chilled. I had not intended to be out in the cold so long and I feared for not only my health, but Rebecca's. She seemed such a fragile thing, little… helpless and I did not want to be the cause of any ailment to befall her.
"Right around this bend and you will see," she answered as she took my hand and dragged me forward.
The unexpectedness of the gesture made me laugh, and I gladly followed her into the unknown. I would have followed her anywhere.
Sure enough, around the bend was something I hadn't expected. In the middle of the maze in a clearing not very large was a white gazebo. Unlit rush torches surrounded it. Rebecca took a piece of parchment from her bag, lit it from the lantern I held, and went around to each torch, lighting up the area. It truly seemed a magical place. You probably think me foolish, but I could imagine fairies dancing in the nighttime air, playing in the snowflakes. I could see otherworldly sprits, things I never dreamed of, floating through the air. We were shut off from the rest of the earth, Rebecca and I. Secluded by the maze, cozy in our own little world. I liked it. The magic in the air. The seclusion. It almost made me believe that what I had to tell her wasn't true — and even if it was — that it wouldn't matter.
She brought me here. Rebecca. She took me away from it all, from Anthony, from Simon and into our own place. My mind finally comprehended what my heart had been saying all along: Rebecca loved me as I did her. This was the proof.
I took her hand and led her up the steps to the center of our world. Snowflakes fell all around, but none touched us. Evergreen garland hung around the circular railing of the gazebo, and I had to smile. It was as if Anthony's servants made this place just for us.
I liked the irony in that.
I had read a fantasy romance novel once in my life and it was out of sheer curiosity. I wanted to see what the fuss was about when there were much more important things to read about in the world. It was not my favorite book, but this moment reminded me of it.
I took Rebecca's other hand and held them between us, elated to be there with her and terrified of what I had to tell her.
She blinked her eyes a few times and looked away as if not believing what was going on herself. Perhaps she could not believe that she had brought me to such a secluded location. No matter for I could tell she was becoming chilled and we needed to get back inside the house hastily.
I knew what I had to do… I knew what I had to say… And so I began. "Miss Rebecca, I realize I have just met you and I know that this is no tale of fairies told to children. I understand this is real life and that the magic will fade soon. But saying all of that, I want you to know that I am very fond of you. More than fond if you want the truth."
I pulled her hands to me, resting them on my chest. She was so close I could feel her breath. It was intoxicating and I wanted nothing more than to close the distance between us and claim her mouth as my own.
"Mr. Dodsworth," she began.
"Frederick," I interrupted. "Please, call me Frederick, at least when we are not in the company of others."