But we all know that titles do matter. Money matters. They are the only two things in the entire world that matter. Can you imagine living in a world where people only married for love as they do in the drivels of literature? What a world it would be. I wanted to live in that world. I lived in that world for one brief night, and it was the happiest and most exciting time in my life.
To my surprise, Anthony did not even let on about my secret. Rebecca never asked about my family or my home. She didn't seem to care about any of that. She did, however, ask if I had any hobbies and what I studied in school. She seemed genuinely interested in my answers and always looked me directly in my eyes as I gave them. When we spoke to each other, everyone else in the room disappeared, even the two traitors across the table from us. It was just Rebecca and I, learning more about each other, falling more deeply in love.
I learned that her favorite color was red and she wore it whenever she could, much to her mother's disapproval. She believed it to be the color of prostitutes — Rebecca laughed as she imparted this tale to me — but since it brought out the paleness to her skin, she wore it anyway. Her mother she would disobey, but not her father, which I learned later.
Also, she loved riding horses and had a favorite back in Everdale. I told her I should love to visit Everdale since I had never done so. She smiled and welcomed me. I felt Anthony's eyes on me, but I refused to look at him. This was our time: Rebecca's and mine. And I would do whatever it was I had to do to know her better.
She laughed at all of my silly jokes and shook her head when I said something most ladies would find strange. A few ringlets fell around her face, framing her beautifully delicate features and she reached to place it behind her ear. I watched in a daze.
I know I sound foolish to you as I tell you my story, but know I would have done anything for her, become anything for her. And the longer we talked, the more I believed she felt the same way.
When the music began in the ballroom, Anthony stood and looked as if he was going to ask Rebecca to dance. Without thinking, I stood, held out my hand, and asked before he could get the words out. Rebecca's brows knitted together ever so slightly as she looked between her cousin, her cousin's new best friend Simon, and me.
Duty would expect her to dance with Anthony, he being family and all. But do you know what she did? She chose me.
She stood politely and nodded to my competitors on the other side of the table. "Thank you for your kind offer, cousin, but I believe I should like to accompany Mr. Dodsworth. Please find me in a few minutes."
If looks could murder, well, I would be a marked man. Anthony nodded, but said nothing. His jaw appeared rigid and I feared for his teeth if he kept clinching them so hard.
"Shall we?" I asked Rebecca as I held out my hand, which trembled a little bit. It wasn't so much fear that caused it to tremble, but anticipation and excitement. Our brief touch earlier had been an accident — well an accident on our part. I firmly believe God knew better. However, dancing with her, I would have a reason to touch her and I trembled in anticipation of it.
Without a word, she slipped her gloved hand in mine and I led her into the ballroom. Yes, I took an extra little second to look over my shoulder at Anthony and Simon. Anthony's nostrils flared, and Simon looked as if someone led his favorite pet away. I know I looked smugly at them. I meant to. Here I had Rebecca when they tried so hard to get her. I had my time and I would use it to the best of my abilities to get her to fall as hard for me as I had her. I felt it wouldn't take much, as the look in her eyes led me to suggest.
We reached the dance floor with the other guests and stood across from each other. I had never been a remarkable dancer, but I had taken lessons and knew the basic steps for each dance. I wanted to dance only with her, but I knew it wouldn't be the case. Of course it wouldn't. Society would not allow it. Society and its limiting rules.
We stood in separate lines: gentlemen on one side, ladies on the other. She faced me and I could barely breathe. I didn't want to make a fool of myself. You see, this was before I cared not what people thought of me. I was a young man then and wanted to be taken seriously in the world. I believed how I behaved in it would help me meet my goal. I was incredibly wrong.
Rebecca stood across from me, her fingers rubbed the fabric of her dress like she was nervous as well. I smiled at her to try to let her know I was nervous as well and she did the same back. We would be nervous together and that was okay by me.
The violin began playing and I stood straighter with my hands behind my back. In a few moments I would be allowed to touch her again, and I could not wait. But I had to be patient as I knew the steps to the dance and I knew there would be several moments before that would happen.