It wasn't just her touch. It was her reaction to it. She didn't pull away. She didn't act offended that I touched her in public; accident or not some women would have stalked away. She acted like she wanted me there, next to her, touching her even if it was ever so slightly. I like to think that was when she fell in love with me as well.
You can say what you want. You can remind me, as I'm sure you want to, that she didn't end up with me. That isn't the point. That wasn't my fault and neither was it hers. I loved her and she loved me, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.
Rebecca swallowed hard and inhaled a deep breath, the effect of which I tried not to watch. I wasn't someone who went around gazing at a woman's cleavage, but I have to tell you, it was difficult not to at the moment. I wouldn't have done that to her though. I wanted her to know that I wasn't just attracted to her, though it was what initially drew me to her admittedly, but that I was in love with her for her — for her sweet spirit — for her calmness — for her…
Across the room, someone cleared his throat and our moment was gone. I knew who it was before I even had to look. Rebecca did as well because instantly she dropped her hand from mine and turned her body so it was no longer facing me. Pink tinged her cheeks and I knew she had to be embarrassed that someone saw what had transpired between us.
I wasn't embarrassed. I was very grateful for the moment, and I wanted to kill the man who'd broken into it.
Anthony Wexley. My friend.
He patted Simon on the back and they both took their seats across from Rebecca and me: Anthony in front of me and Simon in front of Rebecca. He smiled at her very nervously and I watched out of the corner of my eye as she smiled back politely. It wasn't the kind of smile she gave me. There was no feeling behind it. No love. No admiration. It was simply a cordial smile. Nothing more. But it didn't seem to matter to Simon. He smiled back like his entire world was for the better now.
The light feeling that had filled my heart no long existed. The jealousy I had felt earlier came back. Simon was trying to take possession of something that belonged to me, Rebecca's heart. Rebecca's soul.
I know how it sounds. I do, but know that I'm not crazy nor was I then. I knew… I knew that she had given me her heart at the same unspoken moment I gave her mine. And there was Simon Hartwell, trying to steal it away with his embarrassingly shy grin. He didn't deserve her.
Our roasted turkey and side items were placed on the table. The blessing was given, and the meal began. Chatter filled the room of twenty or more guests, but I cared not to listen to their drivel. I only wanted to hear of Rebecca. My two other companions felt the same, obviously, for they asked her question after question.
She answered them politely.
"Everdale is beautiful this time of year. We had our first snow a few weeks ago."
"My mother is well, thank you for asking. She speaks of you often and is proud of the man you have become."
To this I fought the urge to roll my eyes, a horrible thing to do. I had been proud of Anthony up until that night as well. How could a friendship deteriorate so quickly? Over a woman, obviously, but there was something else. Something that had been brewing between us since the last school break when he went on holiday in London and I went back to visit my mother. When he came back to school, it was like I was a stranger to him, and I could not understand it. I didn't dwell on it much because I knew he had much on his mind, still… I know now what caused him to treat me differently, and I hate him for it. But at the time, I didn't know. I only knew my friend was no longer the brother I once knew as evidence from the dinner that evening. He chatted Simon up, "His father owns over half of Enhurst. It is a beautiful country with lots of streams and mountains. Simon will be an excellent baron. Yes, and his home… you should see it…"
On and on this went until I could no longer take it. It was as if this was all set up to force Rebecca into falling for Simon which I knew could never happen because she had given her heart to me.
I wanted to pulled Anthony aside and talk to him about it because, frankly, I wasn't liking it at all. I would make something of myself and, really, when it came to love I was — at the time — a naive soul. People were to marry for love, not for wealth or titles. I could give her wealth and a happy life. I would love her until the day she died. What would Simon give her? Mountains? Streams? A title?
Rebecca didn't seem like the girl who cared of such things, but I spent the rest of our meal half angry at Anthony for his obvious bias toward Simon Hartwell and the other half praying and living in fear that he would disclose my secret.