“I had a bad dream.” She said as she rubbed at her sleepy eyes.
“Go back to bed. I’ll be right up, just going to shut the light.” Luke said softly.
“Okay, Daddy.” She said through her yawn and turned back around and walked towards her bedroom.
Luke turned around and looked at Cara, who was sitting on the couch hugging a pillow to her chest. She felt his stare and lifted her gaze. He saw the regret flash in her eyes and he sighed, defeated once again.
He walked over to her and kneeled before her, turning her chin so that she looked directly into his eyes.
“I’m going to put her to bed. Go to my room, make yourself comfortable. We’ll talk… just please don’t freak out on me.” Luke said his eyes pleading with hers.
She blew out a breath and looked into his eyes. He was right, she was about to freak out. She tried to reign herself in. She tried to push away the guilt and the fears that suddenly overcame her, desperate to be back in the moment where no one existed but him.
“Cara?” He prodded softly.
“Okay.” She whispered. He pressed a quick kiss to her lips before he jogged up the steps to slay the dragons and evil doers of a child’s dream. She threw her head into the palms of her hands and sighed exasperatedly. She was a mess. Her life was a complete shit show. If it wasn’t one thing dragging her down it was another and then there was Luke. She couldn’t contain the feelings she had developed for him, hell truth be told, she didn’t want to. In her shit storm of a life he was the only good. But he had built a life for him and his daughter a stable life, one that didn’t need any tainting from her miserable one.
As her mind raced, she found herself climbing the stairs. She walked down the hallway, passing Ava’s room and listening as Luke told her a bedtime story. Did she really belong here? She didn’t deserve him and Ava, and they deserved far better than she. Still, she wandered into his bedroom because she couldn’t help herself. Because as much as she thought she wasn’t good enough, or that things were too awkward for them to truly make it, she wanted to be good enough, she wanted them to make it. She wanted to fit into his life, because he and Ava were already becoming the center of hers.
She pulled open one of his drawers and found a wife beater tank top and a pair of his boxers. He wanted her in his bed. He wanted to hold her. She could give him that. Even though just minutes ago she was willing to give him everything, she needed to slow things down. She needed to fix her head. If she really wanted to be the woman in Luke’s life she needed to get her shit together. He was a man full of responsibilities. A man who took care of everything and everyone that mattered to him. He deserved to be taken care of. For once in his life he deserved to be cherished and Cara wanted to be the woman who finally gave him that.
She stripped out of her clothes and replaced them with his, rolling the waistband of his boxers until they didn’t threaten to fall off anymore. She climbed onto his bed and sat Indian style in the center of the bed. It was a few minutes longer before Luke walked quietly into his bedroom, closing the door behind him, yet leaving it open a crack in case Ava needed him.
“Is everything okay?” Cara asked perching her head on the palm of her hand.
“Yeah, just a bad dream. She’s sleeping.” He said softly as he stepped closer to the bed. “You okay?”
“I borrowed some more of your clothes.”
“Are you planning on giving them back?” He asked lightly and sat on the edge of the bed, kicking off his boots.
“I haven’t decided yet.” She said smiling as she stared at his back. He pulled his shirt over his head, but kept his jeans on as he slid into bed next to her, leaning against the headboard. His eyes found hers and even though just minutes ago, he had her half undressed begging for his touch, he sensed her head got the best of her and the mood was lost.
“You’re a great dad.” She stated as she wrapped an arm around his stomach hugged him to her.
“Thank you.” He said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “She makes it easy.” He wrapped both arms around her.
“I should sleep on the couch.” She said and the moment the words left her lips she felt him tense. “I mean, if Ava wakes again, what will she think?”
“That daddy and Cara are sleeping.” Luke said with half a smile. “It’s fine…” It dawned on him that he had spent most of the night speaking of his past when hers was thrown in her face today.
“Do you know what you’re going to do about your dad?” He asked softly into her hair.
“He’s not my dad.” She said thoughtfully. “I mean he is but, maybe he’s her dad, but he was never a dad to me, you know?” She paused a moment to right what she wanted to say. “He was nothing like what you are to Ava, so to me he doesn’t deserve to be a dad not like you do.”