After driving Nick to my apartment, I forced him to take a shitload of pain medicine. Even after swallowing a few pills, he watched me with the haunted expression of a man on the brink of giving up. I hated the jagged stitches over his eye and his lip kept bleeding no matter how much I pressed a washcloth against it.
“The trailer I grew up in had only the one bedroom,” Nick said as we rested in my bed. “As a baby, my crib was in the kitchen. When I got older, I slept on the couch. I didn’t mind that because I had a roof over my head and most days I didn’t go hungry. There were kids worse off than me. I saw them sometimes living in cars or in tents by a nearby river.”
I didn’t dare speak as Nick continued sharing. “Then my mom went away and Dad got meaner. He kept me around to keep the food stamps. I learned at a young age there are people who hated their lives, but won’t change. They want more and resent everyone else for keeping them from being happy. It’s easier to punish a kid for your shitty life than to work harder. My dad is lazy. Never wants to work. Never finished high school because he wanted to sleep in. He used people to pay for his shit. My mom, me, other women. When I was in junior high, he faked an injury at a store and got a paycheck every month for his disability. Even with all that shit handed to him, he hated life. There was never enough money. Women weren’t easy enough. They always wanted stuff from him.”
Nick glanced at me for only a second before returning to his past. “Women are important to my dad. He’s vain and needs sex to prove he’s not getting old. Growing up, there were always women around and I never knew their names. They weren’t girlfriends, as much as regular hookups. When he’d have them over to party, I was expected to sit outside. If it got late or the weather was bad or, God forbid, the police were hanging around the trailer park, he shoved me into a little closet. I spent a lot of time locked in there until I was old enough to kick the door open and get out.
“How could no one help you?” I said, caressing the scars on his shoulder. “They had to know.”
“The town I lived in was small and people minded their own business. They thought everyone had a tough life, so whining made you weak.”
“That’s bullshit,” I muttered, struggling against my temper. “When someone crosses lines in the club, we don’t go to the cops, but handle it in-house.”
Nick glanced at me, but I doubted he would see well with such swollen eyes.
“I was locked in the closet the first time I saw the dragon. It was the middle of the summer and I was so hot I thought I would die. I ended up hallucinating that the dragon destroyed the trailer then the whole park. It was the only way to cleanse the evil there. To destroy the violence and sickness everyone suffered from. The dragon would free them by destroying everything and everyone. Sounds crazy, huh?”
“If I knew where it was, I’d burn the fucking place to the ground right now.”
An exhausted Nick smiled at my anger then kissed the palm of my hand. “Whenever I felt trapped after that day, I imagined the dragon freeing me. When my dad made me bleed, I imagined the dragon punishing him. I relied on the dragon to believe my life would get better. I saw kids in the park and our town who didn’t believe their lives would ever improve, so they grew up to be like their shitty parents.”
“You did amazing, Nick. Coming to Ellsberg and studying so hard, you’ve already made a better life than your fucker dad ever did.”
“I know I don’t need to fight. I mean the money makes life easier. Having extra cash can be pretty addictive. But it’s not the money. I just can’t give up being Dragon. I feel like I found myself when I got here. Like he finally came alive in me and I’m afraid I can’t be strong without him. It sounds stupid, but I was nothing when I arrived in this town. I only wanted to fit in, but I was the same guy growing up. I couldn’t get close to or trust anyone. Then a miracle happened. Your brother beat me unconscious.”
“Asshole.”
Nick grinned even though it caused him pain. “Yeah, but people kept saying how I should fight in the Thunderdome because I lasted so long with Cooper. I figured it was worth making a few bucks. The first shot to my face made me feel the way I did when I was a kid when I wanted the dragon to destroy everyone. I became him in the Thunderdome and life got easier. I didn’t care about fitting in or doing what people wanted. I felt free and I’m afraid to give that up, but I’m more afraid to lose you.”
Nick stared at me in the dark room like I imagine he sat in the dark closet. That poor little boy was beyond my help, but this man needed me to calm his fears.