I had loved the idea of watching fights until I saw Nick in one. He bled for money after a childhood of bleeding for a freak. Since then, the whole idea of the Thunderdome bothered me and I never liked visiting.
Now waiting for him in the empty locker room, I wished he was safe and healthy. Instead after his latest fight, Nick stood over me, bruised and broken. The guy even fucking bit him!
As Nick held an ice pack to his eye, I wished he was back at my place. We’d take a hot shower then I could soothe the pains he must be feeling. I couldn’t imagine him returning to the cage to bleed again. Yet he’d agreed to fight twice tonight. Nick didn’t value his safety. I had to protect him if he wouldn’t protect himself.
“If you want me, you have to give up fighting.”
“You’re kidding,” he balked. “You’re doing this now?”
“If you’re going to have your face bashed in every night, I don’t want to be with you. I want a normal guy with a normal job. So it’s me or fighting.”
Defiantly, I crossed my arms and waited. Nick stared at me for what felt like an eternity. Then he cupped my face with bruised fingers.
“I love you,” Nick said in a rough voice. “I also hate you for making me choose. If you loved me, you’d know I can’t do what you want. If you knew me at all, you’d already know the answer. Fuck you for not knowing.”
Nick let go of me and stormed out of the locker room. The moment he disappeared out of the door, I burst into sobs.
Sitting on a bench, I didn’t understand how he could say he loved me while choosing to fight and lose what we had. I didn’t understand him. He was right about that part. I thought I made him happy, but apparently getting battered a few times a week mattered more.
“Are you okay?” a chick asked from behind me.
I had to wipe my eyes a few times to realize the blonde girl was Harlow. Her cheek was red and her knuckles bled.
“You’re fighting here?” I asked, hiccupping as my tears ended. “Does Winnie know?”
“Yes, but no one else.”
Harlow sat next to me and handed me a paper towel.
“I won’t tell anyone,” I said. “Did you hear what happened between me and Nick?”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. I was back here resting and I didn’t know how to leave without interrupting you two.”
“That’s okay. I’m not going to beat you up for listening in especially now that I know you can fight back.”
Harlow smiled tightly then glanced at the door where Nick disappeared.
“Do you think I was wrong?” I asked her. “Or did it not matter since we were always going to break up anyway?”
“I’m not really one to give dating advice since I’ve never even had a boyfriend.”
“He never told me he loved me before. It seems cruel to tell me right before he dumps me.”
Harlow gave me a sideway glance. “I don’t want to be a bitch, but you actually dumped him, not the other way around.”
“I gave him a chance to pick between me and beating on assholes. He picked the assholes. He dumped me.”
“I guess.”
“No guessing.”
“Like I said, I don’t have any experience with dating or love. I do know something about being pushed around and controlled. I know when I got free of that life I didn’t want to be controlled again.”
“I’m not bossing him around.”
“He pays for school by fighting. I don’t know much about Nick, but I know he doesn’t come from money. Doesn’t seem to have a family supporting him. He probably has more money now than he’s ever had and that gives him freedom. You’re asking him to give that up. To maybe even give up college.”
“I’m not asking that. I would make sure he got to go to college. I have money and I can pay for whatever he needs.”
“Would your brother want a woman taking care of him?”
“Nick isn’t my brother. That’s why I want him.”
“Look, I don’t know you or Nick. I know me and I don’t like feeling cornered. You made him feel like you were ripping away his choices and he rebelled. That doesn’t mean he dumped you. It means he thought you were saying he had to be your bitch or you were done with him. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but that’s what he heard. If you want him, you should make sure he hears what you meant before it’s really over.”
I stared at my hands for a few minutes then sighed. “I wasn’t saying I wanted him to be my bitch.”
“I know. You just want to protect him. It’s why I don’t tell people I fight here. My family wouldn’t like it. Vaughn either. They want to protect me, but I don’t want to be protected. I doubt Nick wants to be protected even if you are just watching out for him.”
“I hate seeing him all beat up. Is that so wrong?”
“No.”
Sighing, I blew my nose and tossed the paper towel in the trash. “I’m used to bossing people around. I guess I did that with Nick.”