“Neen… please… turn it off and just wait for me to get there. Please Neen, I’m not fucking about. Turn off the telly. I’m just rounding the corner into your street. I’m less than a minute away.”
I turn the telly off and go and open the front door, but head straight back to the lounge. As soon as I hear Sophie come through the door, I turn the television back on and switch it to a news channel. There’s a reporter talking into a camera from in front of a hotel. I’ve no idea where in the world it is as I look more at the picture than listening to what’s being reported.
Sophie’s suddenly beside me. She takes the remote out of my hand and must press mute, just as an image of Conner, then Jet Harrison appear on the screen. Sophie takes my hand and tries to lead me over to my sofa, but I snatch my hand away. The room, or is it me, is swaying and I can feel the sweat on my top lip despite the fact that I suddenly feel freezing cold.
I look at Sophie and shake my head, terrified of what she’s about to tell me. My mouth is hanging open, my eyes fixed, but not focused on her and I have the sensation of pins and needles all over my body. I’m trying desperately to make sense of what I’m seeing on the screen.
Conner.
Something’s happened.
Something’s happened, to my Conner.
All that’s going through my head, over and over is…
No.
Oh God.
Please no.
Not Conner.
I don’t want this to be true.
I don’t know what it is, but I don’t want it to be bad.
Oh God.
Oh God.
“What? What is it Soph? What’s happened? I don’t… Soph, please tell me what’s happened?”
“Neen, they’re reporting that a body has been found in a hotel room shared by Conner and Jet. Nothing at all has been confirmed yet, but that’s what’s being reported.”
I shake my head at her. I know it’s been fifteen years, but I’d know. Don’t ask me how, but I just know that if anything were to happen to him, I’d know, I’d feel it. I continue shaking my head, my mouth opening and closing, but no words coming out.
“Where? Where is this? Where are they?” I point at the television screen. The huge, enormous sixty inch, curved television screen is Marcus’s pride and joy. His newest toy, but right now, I want to put my fist through the fucking thing. If the images stop, if I can’t see the pictures or hear the reporters then it won’t be true. It can’t be true!
“Chicago babe. Shift’s tour ended there last night.” I shiver involuntarily. I’m freezing now, icy cold.
“Sit down, Neen. I’m gonna run up and get you a hoodie or something. Then I’ll pour us a wine.” I stare at her and give my head a small shake again, or is it a nod? I don’t know, I can’t think straight. I don’t sit down, I remain standing in the middle of the room, staring at the television.
I hear Sophie’s footsteps as she runs back down the stairs. Her phone rings at the same time as she passes me my hoodie. I pull it over my head and actually feel colder for the first few seconds that I’m wearing it, and I’m not sure if it’s a shiver or an uncontrollable shake that rattles through me.
“Yeah, we’re watching now,” I hear Sophie saying into her phone from the kitchen, where she’s gone to pour us a wine.
“Nina, I’m at her house now… hang on a sec.”
She walks back into my lounge carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses. I watch her intently, anything but look back at that bloody television screen.
“Neen, please sit down, hun. You’re standing there like a weirdo.” She steers me over to the sofa and forces me to sit. I keep staring at her while she sits down and continues with her phone call.
“Do you know any more than what they’re saying on the telly?” I don’t know who she’s talking to, but I’m hoping it’s her brother Josh. Maybe with his connections, he might know something.