My mouth fell open in horror, and I saw David sit up a little straighter.
‘I know, I know,’ Al said wearily. ‘This is exactly why I didn’t say anything earlier. And I didn’t actually go there. I was just so desperate.’ She adjusted the pillow behind her. ‘It’s become very obvious to me as a result of everything that has happened, that society needs some way of treating people fairly and to find a system that makes sure everyone is protected, but that also doesn’t ever put people who have been accused – as I have – in a position where they don’t feel they have any chance at all of fighting their cause. I feel like I’ve been found guilty before I’ve had any opportunity to defend myself. The media has already made up their mind, along with all the people who have put all of those horrendous “comments” under each and every article I’ve seen. It’s made me feel so powerless. All I wanted to do was to ask Jonathan to reconsider everything he’s said. To beg him, basically, to tell the truth. I didn’t see any other way of clearing my name.’
‘When you say you’ve felt “desperate”,’ David said, ‘do you mean suicidal?’
I caught my breath. The thought of Alex hurting herself made me feel physically sick.
‘I couldn’t do that to Maisie and Tilly… and Rob,’ she said quickly. ‘I suppose I’m only really flagging up this panic attack because, while I don’t want to take any anti-anxiety drugs at the moment when I’m just about coping, that might change, and I don’t want it to apparently come out nowhere if it turns out I do need to take something at a later stage.’
She blew me away. How on earth did she manage to keep putting one foot in front of the other like this? And stay so dignified with it?
David obviously thought so too, because he looked down at the duvet thoughtfully for a minute and said: ‘I think you’re very wise.’
‘How long does it typically take the GMC to resolve complaints like this, David? Do you know?’ I turned to him.
‘OK, so answering as a friend hypothetically, rather than on a specific case, which I couldn’t comment on,’ he said, with a touch of self-importance, ‘it depends how far through the process a case progresses. After a complaint is made, is goes to an investigating officer. If they decide it needs to go further, they have to gather statements from everyone, show the doctor concerned the complaint, and give the doctor a chance to respond, then collate all of the information.’
‘That’s where we are now,’ Alex said to me.
‘Then, a case goes to two examiners within the GMC, one medical, one not. They might then decide to close the case with no further action, issue a warning to the doctor, impose sanctions such as the doctor has to agree to some sort of retraining, or refer the case to the Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service. At that point they can also request an interim tribunal to suspend the doctor while the investigation continues—’
‘That bit won’t happen because I’m already suspended on full pay,’ Alex interrupted, still explaining to me.
‘Then the final stage is the medical practitioners hearing where they decide if the doctor’s “fitness to practise” is impaired, and if so, what action to take.’
‘Strike them off, you mean?’ I said.
‘Yes, or suspend the doctor. Or decide they don’t need to take any action and dismiss the case.’
He turned back to Alex. ‘I meant to say, I really hope you’re using the Doctor’s Support Service at the moment. Just speaking to another person who is a doctor themselves would be really helpful, I think.’
‘You honestly thought Day might just withdraw his complaint completely if you asked him to?’ I looked at Alex again, too, who gave a small nod. I thought suddenly about his vlog, how he’d encouraged people to address abuse of positions of power. The hypocrisy was breathtaking. He had all of the power, all of the control. And he knew it. I was suddenly so hotly consumed with anger and frustration, I could see exactly why Alex had shoved the computer off the table earlier. Had Day been stood right in front of me, I dread to think what I might have done in the heat of the moment. I understood my wife’s feeling completely.
David stood up. ‘I better get back.’ He put his tea down again. ‘Sorry, Rob, I haven’t finished it. Occupational hazard I’m afraid.’ He patted his jacket. ‘Have I got everything? Keys? Where’s my phone?’ He drew it out of his inside pocket ‘Ah! Got it. I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on.’ He held onto it and picked up his bag too.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Alex said instantly. ‘You must be swamped at the moment with doing everything yourself.’
‘I’m not really. Cleo’s been magnificent. We’ll cope until you’re back. Because you will be back. We miss you though.’ He smiled, and Alex’s eyes filled with tears again.
‘Sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Just ignore me. It’s just because you’re being nice, that’s all. I’ll be fine.’
‘I know you will,’ he said, as, to my surprise, he leant down and kissed her briefly on the cheek. ‘Bye, bye, love. Take care and shout if I can do anything else.’
Coming from him, in his well-spoken, authoritative voice, the use of the word ‘love’ actually sounded elegantly old-fashioned and rather beautiful in its kind sincerity. Fatherly, almost. I let my head drop quietly and felt glad I’d made him the fresh cup of tea after all. Thank goodness she knew someone else was behind her – it wasn’t just me.
‘Goodbye, Rob. Don’t worry about coming down, I can see myself out. I will just pop to your loo on the way out, though, if that’s OK?’
‘Of course,’ I said and, once he’d left, sat down on the end of the bed where he’d been. ‘That was good of him. Are they what you need?’ I nodded at the pills.
‘Yes, they’ll be great.’ She put her finger to her lips and waited until we heard footsteps downstairs, David call cheerily: ‘Bye, both!’, then the click of the front door shutting.
Alex sighed deeply, leaning back on her pillows again. ‘I’m exhausted. It sounds ridiculous but it’s completely taken it out of me having to shower and get dressed to make it look like I’m coping and not falling apart at the seams. Pathetic, isn’t it?’
I felt a little better still to hear that’s why she’d done it, not to look good for him. ‘Not at all. You ARE coping. And you’ll be even better after a night’s sleep.’ I pointed at the little envelope lying on the duvet and came over to sit on the bed next to her, on my side. I put my left arm round her and she leant on me. I could tell she’d closed her eyes without even needing to look down at her. I let her just sit peacefully for a moment, then said tentatively ‘Al, will you promise me you won’t go to the Days’ house, or try to contact Jonathan to ask him to change his mind, because he’s not going to. You do know that, don’t you?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘But I felt like I had to try. Exhaust every opportunity. Like I said, I was desperate. Not desperate to see him.’ She sat up quickly and urgently looked up at me. ‘Oh God, you do realise that, don’t you? I wasn’t going to try and see him because I AM obsessed with him, like he keeps saying. I really did just want to beg him to walk away from this. But I think he’s in too deep now, he’s got too much to lose. I don’t know what I was thinking really.’ She sank back down again.
I hesitated again. ‘When did you go?’
‘Last week. When you went to the shops before picking up the girls.’
‘On Thursday? How did you know he was going to be at home then? Wouldn’t he have been at school too?’
There was a moment of silence.