‘It’s OK. Surgery won’t be finishing for another five minutes. I’ll do it then.’ She sighed and leant her forehead on the side of my temple for a moment. ‘Thank you.’
‘You don’t have to thank me for anything,’ I said quietly as she got to her feet stiffly and looked at the screen on the floor by the table.
‘I’m so sorry I did that.’
‘It’s fine,’ I said quickly, ‘I’ll sort it. At least it wasn’t my work one; I was just messing around on mine over lunch. Go on, you go up and I’ll bring you a sandwich in a bit.’
She nodded and left the room. I waited until I heard the creak on the top stair, then the click of our bedroom door and finally the groan of the ceiling as above my head she walked over to the bed and climbed back in. I exhaled heavily, got to my feet and walked the few steps over to the table, staring down at the mess. I have never, in all the time I’ve known her, seen her lose control like that. Her rage was extraordinary and terrifying. I didn’t recognise her as my usually calm and controlled wife.
I looked at the now white screen with what looked like a massive black ink spot pooling beneath a gunshot in the glass. Jonathan Day had been successfully silenced and was gone.
16
Rob
I saw the outline of David’s body through the obscure glass side panels of the front door as I came out of the downstairs loo, and waited for him to ring the bell, but he didn’t. What was he doing? I crossed my arms suspiciously. Still nothing. I frowned, walked down the hall and flung it open. He smiled warmly, completely unperturbed by my attempt at the element of surprise.
‘Hello, Rob. I expect Alex has mentioned she called and asked me to pop over?’
My confusion that perhaps he had rung the bell and I just hadn’t heard it was instantly replaced by irritation. Of course she’d mentioned it. I tried to swallow down the implication that he and Alex had decided something without me, and he was kindly letting me in on the grown-ups’ plans. This was about Alex, and I had to set aside my personal feelings. Although he was still a smarmy git. I stepped to one side and gestured for him to come in.
‘Hi, David, thanks so much for this. We’re very grateful.’
‘Not at all,’ he said in surprise. ‘I’m glad to help. Dreadful old day, isn’t it? Feels rather like autumn has properly arrived with all this rain and the sudden drop in temperature.’ He shivered.
‘Can I get you a cup of tea?’ I couldn’t not offer him one, it would have been downright rude otherwise; although I didn’t want to, because it would mean missing out on whatever they were going to start discussing while I was stuck in the kitchen making it. I moved towards the stairs to discourage him from saying yes, but he hesitated and said: ‘Do you know, I’d actually love one. Thanks, Rob, that’s decent of you. Do you have decaf?’
‘We certainly do!’
‘Excellent!’ he said, equally as heartily. ‘As it comes, no sugar. Thank you.’ He took off his wet wax jacket, stepped past me and hung it on the end of the bannisters, adjusted the belt on his suit trousers then smiled and pointed to the first floor. ‘OK to go on up and find her?’
‘Of course.’
He took the stairs two at a time with his lanky legs, holding his doctor’s bag, and I listened to him call out: ‘Alex? You decent?’
Our bedroom door opened, and I craned to hear the low voices, but couldn’t catch what was being said.
I quickly strode into the kitchen. Thankfully, the kettle had recently boiled, so I grabbed a cup, the teabag, and threw it in. I was about to pour the water on when I realised I’d used a caffeinated one. I hesitated but poured the hot water anyway. He’d manage, and I didn’t much care if he didn’t. When I got as far as the kitchen door I began to feel a bit pathetic for taking such a cheap shot. I stopped, swore under my breath, took it back and made a decaf after all – before hastening upstairs with it and walking in to find David sat on the end of our bed, Alex propped up on several pillows.
‘Ah, excellent! Thanks so much, Rob.’ He reached out to take it as I looked in surprise at Al. She’d showered, put on clean clothes and was even wearing a bit of make-up in his honour. On the one hand that was obviously encouraging, but as I glanced back at David, I wished fervently I’d kept the caff cup after all. He might actually be allergic to it. Or at the very least get the shits.
‘Rob?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Shall I take it?’
I realised I was just standing there blankly like a twat and passed it over. ‘Sorry. I’m a bit tired.’
‘Of course you are,’ he said sympathetically. ‘It’s a shocking time for you both. Off the record, of course, but I was just saying to Al that we’ve all been stunned by the media attention that Patient A – as we are required to call him, despite him outing himself publicly – has been receiving. I really no longer know what to make of this world. Anyway, Alex, this sleep situation – or rather lack of it – that we discussed on the phone earlier…’ He put his tea down on our chest of drawers, unlocked his bag, reached in and pulled out a tiny envelope that he flicked over to Al, before picking up his mug again. ‘Some Zopiclone for you.’
She picked it up, peered in it and said tiredly: ‘oh thank you – that’s great, but how did you sort this?’ Her eyes widened. ‘I don’t want to get you into trouble? You didn’t self-prescribe, did you?’
He looked embarrassed. ‘No, I didn’t. They’re my mother’s. She won’t notice.’
I suppressed a smirk. Not such the big shot doctor now, handing out his elderly mum’s medication.
‘It’s only enough for four nights and, to be honest, I’d do one tonight, one the night after and see how you feel after that. It might be all you need just to reset the clock.’ He moved on quickly. ‘Obviously you won’t take it at all if you know a good reason that I don’t, why you shouldn’t, but I trust you.’ He smiled at her. ‘Can I also make a small suggestion? I don’t know how feasible it would be, but if you had any chance of the little ones staying with granny, or a friend, tonight, it might be advisable, because these will help you get to sleep but, as you know, they won’t keep you asleep. Really you want as clear a run at an uninterrupted rest as possible. But obviously that’s for you to decide.’ His smile slowly faded, to be replaced by an expression of doctorly concern as he took a mouthful of tea. ‘Anything else been troublesome, or just mostly the sleep?’
I waited for Al to mention her earlier outburst of rage, her reluctance to leave the house, how she was barely eating, but she didn’t. In fact, she didn’t say anything, just looked worriedly between us.
‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ I said, the penny finally dropping. ‘Did you want me to step out of the room?’
‘Would you mind?’ she said quietly. I minded very much, but I turned to leave anyway. As I got to the door, though, she suddenly blurted: ‘Actually, it’s OK, Rob. You don’t have to.’ She swallowed and admitted: ‘I had a major panic attack when I went out the other day. I was in the car, driving, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. It was textbook really: sweating, nausea, my chest was hurting, then I felt like I was choking. I honestly thought I was going to die and I wasn’t going to be able to pull over in time. It was horrendous—’
David frowned in sympathy.
‘Hang on,’ I interrupted, ‘you were in the car? Where were you going? And where was I? You’ve not left the house apart from that one time with me to go to school?’
‘Please don’t be angry with me,’ she pleaded. ‘I was driving over to the Days’ house.’