A grunt from the back seat alerts me to Louisa’s impromptu awakening. She’s seriously starting to test my patience. Can she not get anything right? I climb into the driver’s seat and start the engine.
Deciding I am more likely to be pulled over with the car lights off, I flick them on and ram the car into gear. Sometimes in life, it’s best to play by the rules.
‘ Thank you, Lord Jesus,’ I say out loud. ‘Thank you for returning Gabriel to me!’
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Louisa
Then
I charge down the stairs, taking them two at a time, and out of the front door, ignoring Aiden’s pleas for me to come back.
The pavement outside the children’s home is covered in frost, the icy air whistling around my ears as I dart across the road. I don’t stop to think about where I am going, only that I have to get away; from Aiden, from Stacey, from the flashbacks of my mother and Esther. Fat tears roll down my cheeks, my nose and throat blocked, constricting my airway.
‘It’s okay, baby,’ I say through my tears, the palm of my hand pressed into my stomach. ‘I’ll always protect you. You’re safe with me.’
Cars fly past me as I round the corner onto a main road, none of them bothering to stop and see if I am all right. I guess I’m invisible, just like I always have been.
I walk for a long time, past a row of trees, their branches bowed down from their own weight. The pain and grief comes in waves, like shards of glass in my gut. How could Aiden do such a thing? He loved me, he said so himself!
I suddenly find myself on the canal bank, the rocky path digging in to my bare feet. The night is so dark I can barely see my hand in front of my face. To the side of me, the Manchester Ship Canal crashes against the embankment, Barton Swing Bridge up ahead.
I am wearing only my nightdress and dressing gown, the cold wind whips up the hem, lashing my bare legs. I stop, look down into the water, the moonlight skimming the surface. All it would take is one moment of courage. One split second and finally I’d be free.
‘Louisa!’ I swivel around at the sound of his voice, hear his heavy breath in my ear even though it’s difficult to see him in the darkness. The blood in my ears is as thick as tar, every muscle in my body stiff with cold and fear. ‘I’m sorry, okay,’ he whispers, stepping closer to me. ‘Please, just come back.’
‘Get away from me, leave me alone.’ I turn my face away from him, feel my chin trembling under the weight of my tears. ‘I hate you. And I’m telling, really I am!’
‘You have no idea who you’re messing with!’ Sharp nails bury themselves into my wrist. I look up, see the whites of his eyes, his pupils dilating. ‘You tell anyone and you’re dead, you do understand that, don’t you?’
I sink down to my knees on the canal bank, the frozen path like shards of glass digging into me. ‘You said you loved me.’
There is a moment’s silence when all I can hear is my own solitary breath.
‘I do love you, Loulou.’ Aiden lowers his voice and bends down in front of me, his nose now inches away from mine. ‘Look, I’m sorry, okay, for threatening you just now. I didn’t mean it, I’m just angry and frightened.’ He reaches out his arm towards me once again and pulls me into his side. I can smell the aftershave on his neck, the same one I stole from his backpack and sprayed onto my pillow so I could be close to him when he wasn’t working. His fingers glide through my hair, his skin dry and rough but at the same time warm and comforting.
‘Why did you cheat on me? Especially with her!’ I can’t help the venom which creeps into my voice, even though I want nothing more than to fall into his arms and have him tell me everything is going to be all right. Despite what he has done to me I am terrified of him leaving.
‘She tricked me,’ he says quickly. ‘Pretended she was feeling sick. Asked me if I’d sit with her. And then she just started kissing me, pulling at my clothes. When you walked in I was trying to stop her.’
‘I don’t believe you, I saw you. You were on top of her!’
‘It’s true, Louisa. She’s manipulative, you said so yourself.’
I bite my top lip, unsure as to whether he is telling the truth. ‘I guess so.’
‘You know so,’ he continues, his tone almost pleading. ‘I don’t fancy Stacey, she’s a child. Come on, baby…’ He places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. ‘You’re the only one for me. I love you so much.’
I nod, realising only now that I still haven’t told him about the baby! Regardless of what has or hasn’t happened with Stacey, she isn’t carrying his child – I am! Surely that has to count for something? I stand up, wipe away the dirt and grit from my knees. ‘There’s something I have to tell you.’
‘What, Loulou?’ Aiden also stands, his silhouette now looming over me.
I am momentarily stopped from replying by flashing blue lights on the bridge up ahead.
‘You called the police?’ Aiden’s voice hardens around the edges. ‘What for?’
‘No, I never. I promise.’ I look beyond where he stands to a row of houses which line the canal bank, see a downstairs curtain twitch, soft light seeping out through the thin fabric. ‘Somebody must have seen or heard us.’
‘Come on, we have to get out of here and back home. I can trust you, can’t I?’
I nod, deciding I have to be a grown-up about this whole situation and forgive Aiden in order to stand any chance of keeping him and our baby. He loves me, and all couples have their ups and downs, don’t they? Jeremy Kyle says so himself. ‘But there’s still something I have to tell you. Please, it’s really important.’ I reach out, grab hold of his wrist, feeling the quick, heavy beat of his pulse.
‘What is it? Hurry.’
I look up for the briefest of seconds, see a torchlight sweeping through the sky like a shooting star, know without any doubt that I’ll remember this moment for as long as I live. ‘I’m pregnant, Aiden. You’re going to be a daddy.’
At first I feel oddly calm, the silence all around me somewhat beautiful as I stare up at the wall of water that covers me like a blanket. Then, all at once, I realise what has happened.
Aiden has pushed me into the canal.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Louisa
Now
‘It’s time, Louisa.’
I open my eyes to darkness, the smell of leather so strong I can practically taste it on my tongue. I’m lying face down on something cold and hard, cramp radiating up my right leg. The man’s words disperse into a cloud of amnesia as I try to process what he has just said. I’m certain I know him, and that I’m afraid of him, but I can’t remember why, the pain in my head wreaking havoc on my memory. All I’m certain of is that he’s behind me, his dry breath condensing on the nape of my neck.
I squirm, try to relieve the pressure building in my leg, my foot curling in on itself as I do until I scream out in pain. The sound is muffled by whatever I am lying on, my own breath hot and slippery against what I’m certain is leather.
‘Shut up!’
His voice silences me. I’m cold, so cold I can barely move. A cold draught blows into an opening behind me, a vice-like grip tightening my chest as I try to take a breath. I turn my head slightly to the side, see what I think is the back of a car seat. ‘Where am I?’ I ask, my voice barely hitting the air before it’s swallowed up by the howling of the wind, which is close enough to touch. My right arm is dangling down by my side, my fingertips brushing against something soft, the carpet of a footwell, I’m sure.
A memory fires off my brain into my mind’s eyes; a faceless figure dragging me through the hallway and out into the garden where sharp gravel sliced into the soles of my bare feet. Everything was a little off kilter, thoughts and dreams bleeding into one. Then what? A car on the road, its headlights blinding, Cory in the passenger seat…
‘Doctor Hughes!’