I narrow my eyes, hold his stare, not sure if I believe him. The silver house charm comes sharply into focus, souring my palate.
‘I’m so sorry about this.’ James slides his eyes over to Doctor Hughes who is still guarding the door to the theatre. ‘My wife has postnatal depression. She’s on tablets which may have caused her paranoia.’ He rubs at his eyes, fresh tears falling down his cheeks. ‘I don’t know what trouble she’s been causing but I beg you not to call the police.’
‘Mr Carter, I am in the middle of a very delicate procedure. I cannot tolerate your wife blustering into an area strictly off limits.’
‘But what about the sperm donor?’ I try again, my voice desperate.
‘Is this true?’ Doctor Hughes looks over my head towards James.
I follow his gaze, my heart sinking when I catch James quickly shaking his head. ‘She’s become obsessed by it. Seeing things which aren’t there. We were waiting for the mental health team to show up; the doctor has put her on antidepressants.’
‘Where is the baby now?’ asks Doctor Hughes, his voice laced with concern.
‘With my mum and dad at home.’
‘I’ll stay home with Louisa tonight while James works,’ says Magda, giving James a conspicuous look. ‘Then tomorrow we’re going to get her the help she needs.’
‘That’s kind of you, Mags, but honestly, maybe I should ring up the hospital, see if they can cover me.’
‘It’s no problem really. I’ll sleep on the sofa.’
Everybody is speaking to each other like I no longer exist. I glare over at Magda, my heart hammering against my chest. She is going to convince James to have me sectioned. The sperm donor, the cards… it was all a ploy to make me appear mental so she could muscle in on my family, take my husband and baby in one fell swoop. Shit! The illustration on the card, the one of the baby wrapped in a blue blanket. Magda was the only other person who knew we were having a boy. James hadn’t wanted to tell anyone but I couldn’t resist telling Magda.
‘There’s no way Magda is staying tonight,’ I say to James, trying to convey with my eyes what I have suddenly figured out. ‘I don’t trust her.’
‘Louisa!’ Magda’s eyes fill with tears.
‘Take her home,’ says Doctor Hughes, taking a step back into the operating theatre. ‘I won’t call the police. But I do have a duty to log this. I’ll make a few calls after I’ve finished up here, make sure somebody arrives tonight or first thing in the morning to assess her.’ He glances over at me, pity etched on his face. ‘She needs help.’
‘Just tell me one thing and then I’ll go,’ I say, as he turns to leave.
‘No, Louisa, you’ve wasted enough of this man’s time.’ James begins to pull on my sleeve.
‘Do SureLife send out congratulatory cards?’ I ask, knowing in my heart that they don’t.
‘Pardon?’ Doctor Hughes frowns, his eyebrows knitting together.
‘A congratulatory card, when a baby is born,’ I shout, as James drags me down the corridor, his nails digging into my arm.
Doctor Hughes shakes his head. But James isn’t looking.
It’s almost as if he doesn’t want to see!
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Louisa
Then
I’m going to be a mother!
I can’t quite believe it but I’ve read the instructions four times and two lines definitely means I’m pregnant.
It is now April and me and Aiden are in a proper relationship, like the couples in Hollyoaks. He sneaks into my room two or three times a week and it doesn’t even hurt any more. We have to be really careful because, like Aiden says, nobody else would understand the love we have for each other, not the other kids and definitely not the staff. He says he is really proud of me for keeping our relationship to myself, that I am a proper grown-up. Last month I asked him to run away with me so we could be together properly but he said it was too risky because I am still only fourteen. But now I am carrying his baby he’ll have to see sense, won’t he?
I still haven’t started my periods, so I can’t really understand how I am pregnant. I only took the test because I was being sick every single morning and I remember how Sandy used to spend the first hour of her shift with her head down the toilet bowl in the first few months of her being pregnant. I stole the test from Superdrug yesterday morning. At first I was a bit scared but then I realised it’s my ticket out of this dump. Plus, I can’t wait to have a little baby to care for. To have somebody who relies on me and who loves me no matter what. I’m going to be the best mum ever!
Last night, after taking the test, I spoke to Stacey about baby names. Obviously I didn’t tell her why, even though I was dying to. I’d love to see that smug grin wiped off her face. She still flirts with Aiden, you know. Sometimes I think he flirts back but he says he’s just being polite and that she’s nothing but a silly child. Stacey said she liked Sabrina for a girl and Brooklyn for a boy, but obviously she’s just copying off Posh Spice.
It’s now really late and although Aiden is on the overnight shift, he hasn’t come to see me yet. Sometimes he does that which really pisses me off. I read in Seventeen magazine that some boys play the ‘treat them mean and keep them keen’ game so I suppose he’s just doing that, but he’s a man not a boy so he should know better. I want to tell him he doesn’t have to play games with me because I love him so much, but I always lose my nerve when I’m around him.
My belly is definitely bloated but I’m unsure how pregnant I am. I have really horrible blue veins across my chest even though I still don’t have any boobs to speak of.
Feeling annoyed that it is now midnight and Aiden still hasn’t come to see me, I get out of bed and wander into the corridor. All the lights are off but I don’t want to switch them on and wake the others. The room the staff use is at the end of the corridor. I tiptoe over to it, placing my ear against the door to see if I can hear his television.
It is silent.
I tap three times on the door and wait. The landing is freezing and my bare feet feel like icicles. When nobody answers, irritation claws at my insides and I swear I feel the baby kick me.
After another five minutes of gentle tapping I figure that Aiden must already be asleep. I am annoyed because I really wanted to tell him about the baby and start making plans for our future. I suppose it would be all right for him to continue working while I stay home, and I suppose if tonight is anything to go by it will be me who is responsible for the night feeds. I know I’m not a great cook but I can do beans on toast and scrambled egg, and the rest I am willing to learn.
As I walk past Stacey’s door on the way to my own room I hear her whispering, probably to her friends on her mobile phone, which the staff don’t realise she has. As a rule we are not allowed to go into each other’s rooms without knocking first but Stacey always barges into mine unannounced so I suppose it’s okay. I am wide awake and I need to talk to somebody, even though I would never tell her the truth.
I pull down the handle and open her door, my eyes adjusting to the soft glow from her television.
At first I don’t understand what is happening. Why is that man lying on top of her? Why is he looking at me with fear in his eyes?
It’s then I realise who he is… and Stacey’s smug grin finally slips off her face.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Louisa
Now
‘Why didn’t you tell me? How could you do this to me?’ Tamzin rounds on James the second we walk through the door, thick black mascara snaking down her cheeks. ‘Dad has told me everything!’ She looks back at Doug who is hovering in the kitchen doorway, Cory nestled in his arms.
‘Go home. I can’t deal with you now. I have work in a few hours.’ James barges past her, shoving her up against the wall.