Where the Memories Lie
By: Sibel Hodge
The logistics of staying at Nadia’s were fairly easy since she had two spare rooms. It was the atmosphere that was hard to take. It wasn’t just Ethan and I that were show-ing signs of cracks in our relationship. When Lucas returned, he and Nadia bickered like crazy. Nadia was also angry with me about going to the police and heartbroken about Tom’s suicide, but she was trying to hide it. Anna didn’t want to talk much, which was completely unlike her usual chatterbox self. Most of the time she stayed in the spare bedroom on her laptop or was in Charlotte’s room watching DVDs. When I went upstairs, I could hear their hushed tones as they whispered secretly to each other behind closed doors. Charlotte had complained about being a ‘prisoner in her own home’ at breakfast that morning and Anna had replied, ‘Did you know prisoners on death row only get about an hour out of their cells every day?’ to which Charlotte had countered, ‘Yes, but they’re guilty. We haven’t done anything wrong.’ Anna shook her head and added, ‘They might not be guilty, though. Do you know how many innocent prisoners get convicted each year?’
I’d slammed my hand on the dining room table. ‘Stop talking about death row prisoners! This is not the same thing at all. And Sibel Hodge
until we find out what really happened at our house, we just need to get on with things as best we can. This is difficult for all of us, and Granddad may very well be innocent, too.’ Although I didn’t believe that last part.
‘He can’t be!’ Charlotte pushed away her untouched American-style pancakes that Nadia had made. ‘He confessed. Why would he confess if he didn’t do it? I’d never confess to murdering someone if I didn’t do it. It’s mental.’
‘He confessed to a crime he didn’t commit because he’s con-fused. Eat something, please. You’re not eating anything lately.’
Nadia pushed Charlotte’s plate back.
‘I’m not hungry. How can I eat at a time like this?’
‘Yeah,’ Anna again to me. ‘Why would he confess if he didn’t do it?’
How could I say that I now believed the only possible reason for Tom’s confession was because he was trying to protect someone?
Because then I’d have to voice the horrible thought that was welling up inside, throbbing away like a nervy toothache. If Tom really was protecting his family like he’d told me, it meant one of us was the person who had really killed Katie. And the only thing I could be completely certain of was that it wasn’t me.
‘How can you be so stupid, Mum?’ Anna glared at me. ‘Of course he must’ve done it. And my friends will never speak to me again. Neither will my teachers. I don’t want to be here! I want to move!’
‘Now, just a minute! There’s no need to be rude,’ I snapped.
‘Oh, shut up!’ Anna yelled before she ran out of the room and stormed upstairs.
And so it started all over again. Lucas, back from a long-haul flight, hovered at the worktop, drinking coffee, staring out of the window and not offering anything remotely helpful to the conversation. Ethan had disappeared somewhere before I’d even 216
Where the Memories Lie woken up, probably on another one of his solitary walks. I left for work feeling like I’d done a day’s hard slog in a boot camp before I even got out the door.