Where the Memories Lie
By: Sibel Hodge
Ethan, who had managed to contain himself so far and stay quiet, erupted then. ‘Right. That’s it. You’ll have to leave. Can’t you see you’re upsetting him? He’s had one heart attack already. Do you want another one on your conscience?’ He took a step closer to the end of the bed, as if to shield Tom from them.
Alerted by the commotion, Mary entered the room. ‘Is every-thing all right in here?’ Her eyes sought out Tom, who was shaking now and fiddling with the buttons of his pyjama top, trying to get it undone.
‘Tom, let’s get you back into bed now, eh?’ She lifted his legs to try and swing them back under the covers but he protested.
‘No!’ He flung his arm out, pushing her away. For someone who had seemed so feeble a minute ago, he had surprising strength. ‘Get away from me. You’re all trying to kill me! You’re trying to KILL ME!’ He shrank away from her, curling sideways into his pillows. ‘Go on! Get away!’ He opened his mouth, took out his denture plate with false teeth attached and threw them in the direction of DS Khan and DI Spencer, who darted sideways to avoid a direct hit.
‘Come on, now, Tom, it’s OK.’ I stepped forward into his direct sightline and sat down in front of him on my haunches. ‘No one’s taking you away. You’re safe.’
Nadia started crying. ‘Dad, oh, Dad, don’t worry. Just calm down.’
‘Look what you’re doing!’ Ethan barked out.
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‘I think it would be better if you came back another time,’
Mary said to DI Spencer and DS Khan. ‘When he gets like this it’ll take a long time to get him settled again.’
DI Spencer nodded and looked at us all. ‘We’ll be in touch. In the meantime, if you remember anything, please give us a call.’ And then they left the room.
‘I can give him something to calm him down,’ Mary said.
‘You’re all right, Tom. Nothing’s going to happen.’ I looked up into his eyes and saw a flicker of recognition there.
‘Olivia?’ he said, his voice distorted without his dentures. ‘Are you taking me to Durdle Door? I want to see Durdle Door.’ He grabbed hold of my arm, his fingernails digging into the skin. ‘Want to go to Durdle Door. Take me. You take me, don’t you?’
I looked over at Ethan, whose dark eyes reflected back anger and pain. ‘Shall we take him?’
‘Is he OK to go out, though?’ Nadia asked Mary. ‘He only had the heart attack the other day.’
‘He’s got a DNR order and he’s going to . . .’ Ethan’s voice cracked and his eyes watered. ‘We should make this time as nice as possible for him.’
‘I agree,’ Mary said. ‘Plus, he still needs to have some exer-cise, and a visit out there always relaxes him. You can take one of the wheelchairs out in the corridor for him in case he’s not strong enough to do his usual walk. It’ll fold up to go in the car.’
‘I’ll take him,’ Ethan said.
‘Why don’t we all go?’ I suggested.
‘No,’ Ethan said forcefully. ‘I want to spend some time with him.’ He looked at me and I knew what he was saying without words: before he dies. ‘Dad? I’m going to take you out to Durdle Door, OK?’
Tom visibly relaxed then, his shoulders dropping from their rigid hunch up around his neck. ‘Will you, Tom?’
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‘I’m Ethan, Dad.’ He blinked rapidly and sniffed. ‘Now, shall we get you dressed, eh?’ He found Tom’s clothes in the small cupboard in the corner of the room and pulled out some trousers and a shirt.
‘All right, now, Tom?’ Mary stood back. ‘Shall I bring you a nice cup of tea first and a few biscuits before you go?’
Tom nodded slowly.
Mary patted his hand, gave us a sympathetic smile and picked up Tom’s dentures. ‘I’ll just clean these and I’ll be back with some tea.’
Nadia kissed Tom on the cheek. ‘I’ll see you soon, Dad.
Love you.’
‘Bye, Tom. See you soon.’ I squeezed Ethan’s shoulder as I walked past. ‘I’ll see you at home later. We need to talk about what we’re going to tell Anna.’
Nadia and I didn’t speak until we were sitting in her car.
‘That was awful. The whole day’s been awful,’ she said.