“Um…slow down?”
He glanced at me with a smile. “Right again, ’cuz that’s what my teacher tells me when I have to flip my card from green to yellow. Slow down,” he acted out with a grin, those eyes glinting with mischief again. “Because when you get on red? That means stop and you don’t get to play at recess. No way is that gonna happen!”
Kenzie choked out a laugh below her breath.
Yeah.
I was right.
He was a total badass.
So fucking cute.
I was betting he was a little handful and unruly and a whole lot perfect.
He started driving that car up my arm and over his song. A song I’d never sang for anyone. It was one reserved for the loneliest hours of the night. One I’d played what felt like a thousand times. One I played like some kind of fucked-up tribute. When I’d pray more of those prayers I didn’t have the right to pray.
Begging for his joy.
“Hey, that’s my name,” he suddenly said, running the wheels back and forth over his name forever etched on my arm.
Affection gripped my throat.
“Yeah, it is, little man, it is.”
He grinned again, and it took about all I had not to scoop him up and steal him away.
Instead I sat there while he talked, showing me all his favorite toys that he obviously took with him everywhere, his chatter nonstop, animated, and unbridled. He talked to me like he’d known me forever.
Like I was his best friend.
My gaze drifted to Kenzie who had taken a seat on the small bench, elbows on her knees as she watched us. Her expression was soft and sad and knowing.
Silently I told her what an amazing job she’d done with this kid. Just like I’d known she would.
And I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what it would have been like if I’d been there, if I’d gotten to witness it all, if I’d somehow been a partner to it.
The hardships and joys and accomplishments.
The little things.
Everything I’d given away for one night of revelry.
I watched as Brendon got lost in his own play, pushing his car through the blades of grass, then plopped it in his pocket as he stood and raced for the slide.
Silence swirled around me and Kenzie as she gave me time. But honestly, no amount of time was ever gonna be enough.
“Thank you,” I finally said. Because I’d had no clue how her reception was going to be. Not when she didn’t owe me anything at all. Especially when I’d given her no warning at all of my intrusion into her life. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I rocked, working my way through the discomfort, gauging what to say.
“So…he does know…about me?”
A slow breath leaked from between her pursed lips. “I was being honest when I said I knew one day you’d come. And yes, it was definitely a shock turning around and finding you there, but once the shock wore off, I can’t say I was really surprised.”
She tipped her head toward her husband who still stood guard across the street. I wondered just how damned difficult this had to be for him, because it sure as shit was hell for me.
“We’ve been preparing him for this day, Lyrik. For the day when you’d come back into our lives. And even if you never did, we still knew one day he’d figure out Brad isn’t his biological father. We weren’t going to lie to him about that.”
I rubbed the tension from the back of my neck, trying to brace myself for the impression Brendon might have already made about me. “What does he know, Kenz?”
She looked down at me through bleary eyes. “Lyrik…he knows that he has your eyes and your hair and that you made him that bear.” She choked over the admission. “He knows you put him in my tummy. He just hasn’t figured out what that means yet.”
Everything throbbed and ached.
And I wasn’t sure I could breathe.
Not through the remorse and sorrow and gratitude.
A wistful smile tugged at her mouth as she looked at Brendon. “Even after I fell out of love with you, that didn’t mean I didn’t still love you, Lyrik. That I didn’t have faith in you. That after all the horrible mistakes you made, that one day you wouldn’t make the right one. So I told him stories about you…the good ones…about the guy I knew before I didn’t know you at all.”
That smile tipped down, and more tears fell down her face. “But I guess I did know you, after all, didn’t I?”
Unsure, I turned my full attention on her.
“I know you didn’t cash that check. My dad finally admitted it to me…the night before I married Brad. He wanted to be sure I was sure. That I was marrying for my heart rather than marrying because I thought some guy would be good for me and my son.”
Her voice lowered to a whisper. “He wanted to give me the chance to go back to you.”
“And you chose him,” I supplied through a nod with a subtle gesture in Brad’s direction.
For two weeks I’d wondered how I’d feel when I got here. About Kenzie. About this girl I’d thought would forever hold my heart.