Yeah.
I’d seen Brad returning with Brendon every day, too, even though I’d never gotten a real look at my son. Just the vague awareness he was in the backseat of the truck that pulled into the garage an hour earlier than Kenzie got home.
I wandered back to the park, took a seat on the bench with my elbows propped on my knees. Same way as I’d done the last three days. Though this time…this time my insides shook and my heart thundered. Throbbed with regret same as it raced with hope.
With the hope of something different.
The hope of something good.
That something good came when the door opened about ten minutes later. Over the cars in the garage, I could only see the top of Kenzie’s head and the guy emerging behind her. They edged down the space between the car and the garage wall before they stepped into the waning light as the day got sucked away.
Same as the air in my lungs.
My breath and my heart and my spirit caught.
Everything timeless yet speeding ahead.
A small hand was clutched tight in Kenzie’s.
Brendon.
My entire being pulsed.
Emotion after emotion.
Pain.
Loss.
Regret.
Love. Love. Love.
They stood frozen across the space, because maybe time needed to catch up to them too. His free arm was tucked full of toys, the kid wearing a button-up collared shirt and jeans cuffed at the ankles, looking like a little badass with the checkered Vans on his feet.
I felt the grin pulling all over my face while my spirit flailed in every direction.
The breeze whipped through his hair.
Black.
Just like mine.
I stood.
Drawn.
Emotion gathered thick as Kenzie began to lead him across the street. Her husband hung back with his arms crossed over his chest. Stare wary and hard and full of warning.
Didn’t blame him a bit.
If I were him, I’d want to kick my ass too.
Didn’t matter anyway. Because this kid…this kid was all I could see. The way his mouth twisted up in welcome, eyes so dark they were almost black, sparking with mischief I knew all too well. It was like looking at all those pictures my mom kept plastered on her walls.
This boy was mine.
They stopped just a couple feet away from where I stood under a shade tree near the bench. He kept peering up at me with this unending smile that twisted through me like chains and ropes and indestructible ties.
An unbreakable bond.
Curiosity played in his dark, dark eyes, and his mom dropped to her knees in front of him, something shaky and frantic about her as she brushed the too-long bangs from his forehead. “Baby, I want you to meet someone really important, okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed, grinning toward me.
“This is Lyrik.” She said it like a secret, and I was dropping to my knees, too, completely laid bare when he turned the full force of his attention on me.
His grin showcased a straight row of baby teeth. One missing on the bottom.
And I wanted to weep when I looked at him.
When I looked at all the years gone, and the wonder in his gaze and at what came spilling out of his arms when he suddenly dumped his stash of toys to the ground. He rummaged through his pile, snatching it upside down by a leg.
That fucking bear that was supposed to be good luck.
Binding a family together.
The thing was a complete disaster and probably should have been tossed years ago, tattered and torn and frayed.
He held it up like a prize. “You made this!”
For a second, every part of me seized.
My eyes pinched at the sides, dents cutting into my forehead as I fought against the unbearable pain. I shifted my gaze to Kenzie for help because I didn’t quite know how to make sense of this.
Tears just kept sliding down her face. She remained silent. Like she trusted me to handle this right. For me to get the situation was fragile and I could either foster it or shatter it into a million unrecognizable pieces.
“Yeah, buddy, I did.”
He turned back to his pile and dug out a blue car. “Hey, do you like cars? This one’s my favorite.”
A low chuckle rumbled in my chest. “I like them a lot.”
His grin grew. “Me, too. My dad says this kind goes so fast.”
Did my damned best not to flinch, but I couldn’t help it, that slam of jealousy I knew I’d feel. But I’d accepted that was probably something I was gonna feel when I’d made another choice. When I’d switched paths and headed a different direction.
When I came here.
I forced some lightness into the gravel grinding up the words. “Your dad’s totally right. It is super-fast. Any faster and it’d be a race car.”
His eyes went wide. “Whoa, that’s way fast. Do you know what green means?”
A little bewildered, I lifted my shoulders. “Go?”
“Yep!”
He made a revving noise and pushed the car along the ground, totally unaware he was completely crumbling my world.
“Go!” he shouted, then asked, “How about yellow?”