Guess that was my answer.
The fact her choosing the other guy when she knew I’d been lying when I left her and Brendon didn’t hurt. Instead it filled me with this strange sense of comfort.
A simple joy found in the fact she was happy.
That’s all I wanted for her.
I guess just like her, even though there would always be a part of me that loved her…cared for her…I wasn’t in love with her anymore.
Guess that’s what my stupid heart had been telling me for the last two months. Why those words had come spilling free.
Blue.
You sing my soul.
A warm ache filled my chest.
No longer was there a question of who owned me anymore.
That girl.
My brave, beautiful Blue.
Self-conscious laughter trickled from her, and she blushed. “I think what we had was real, Lyrik. But I think it was just preparing me for what I was going to feel when I met the man I was supposed to live my life with.”
Tenderly, she looked at the man across the street.
I chuckled. “Why does that sound like something my mother would say?”
She laughed. “Because your mom is amazing.”
And God, it was weird. Sitting comfortably with Kenzie this way.
She sobered, eyes roaming my face. “Are you happy, Lyrik?”
Exhaling, I pushed back the hair blowing in my face. “No, Kenz. I’m not happy. I haven’t let myself be since the night I walked out on you and Brendon.”
The words locked somewhere deep, before they came rushing out in a quiet confession. “But I’m…almost there.”
Yeah.
That was weird, too.
Realizing that.
“I watched you,” she admitted, “watched you as Sunder made it. I saw the tabloids…the success and the parties and the women. You should have been happier than anyone. But I knew, Lyrik. I knew. I saw it on your face.”
She met her husband’s gaze. “I want you to know it’s okay. It’s okay to let it go. The guilt I saw in every picture.” She looked at me. Expression wistful. “I let you go a long time ago.”
My world spun on fast forward. In slow motion. Everything becoming clear.
So fucking clear.
You sing my soul.
“You’d better go,” she finally said with a tender smile. “Brad’s the best guy you’ll ever meet, but even he has his limits.”
Nodding through the daze, I stood and brushed off the grass and leaves from my pants.
Brendon came hurtling back over. His arms were lifted over his head and there was nothing I could do but swoop him up.
I squeezed him and breathed him in like I’d done that night, and he giggled as he edged back and pulled at a strand of my hair, like he was remembering what his mom had told him, this strange connection filling up our air.
Energy and light and life.
This tugging pull. Tying me to him. Leading me to her.
“I’ll miss you, little man,” I murmured in his ear.
“I’ll see you soon,” he said as if he held a clue. As if he were telling me not to worry. That maybe that gaping distance between us had just become narrow.
Close enough to cross.
“Yeah…I sure hope so.”
Carefully, I set him down, shoved my hands in my pockets. Brendon went running to his dad who was already crossing the street, going straight for Brendon with love and protection in his eyes.
Whole and absolute.
Slowly, I began to back away, taking in the last couple seconds of my son I could get.
Kenzie’s and my eyes met. “He’s going to ask questions after you’re gone. And I’m going to tell him, Lyrik. I really hope you do the right thing with it.”
The words were subdued and filled with the promise as I continued to walk backward. “Whenever he’s ready to find me, whenever he knows what all that means, please don’t stop him. I’ll be waiting.”
She nodded, and I gave her the gentlest of smiles. I spun around and started climbing the small hill.
“Hey, Lyrik,” Kenzie called. She was grinning wide when I slanted my attention to her over my shoulder. “Whoever she is…she’s a lucky girl.”
I returned her grin, shaking my head.
I increased my pace, breaking out in a sprint as I ran for my truck.
Because Blue wasn’t the lucky one.
But if I managed to win her back? I’d be one lucky guy.
MY MOTHER SQUEEZED MY hand. It was a silent show of encouragement as she stood at my side. The world rushed around us, people traversing the busy downtown streets, while I stood stock still right in the middle of the sidewalk in front of the short stack of steps leading to the court building.
Sweat slicked my hands and beaded at the back of my neck.
Run. Run. Run.
It was that small, terrified voice that whispered the tortured plea within the confines of my muddled head.
Begging me to go.
To spare myself the torture waiting behind those doors.
Brave.
But it was the memory of that deep, haunting voice that convinced me to stay. The lingering warmth of his presence.
Funny how Lyrik had been the one to reveal my inner courage, to embrace it, to show me I no longer had to live behind walls when he’d just kept building his own.