I laughed and rested my hand low on her back to turn her towards a doorway.
‘We’re here.’
Molly looked back at me. ‘Now I know you’re kidding.’
The restaurant was tucked in behind a pharmacy, but without its own street front was only accessed via a long, cement corridor that was frequently vandalised. The light bulb at the entrance to the corridor was on the blink, and it flickered on and off.
It looked a lot seedier than it actually was.
‘Trust me,’ I laughed, and I stepped inside, gently dragging her with me. She sighed and stepped closer to me again, and we walked along the corridor, arm in arm.
‘It’s like you deliberately picked the only place in the city down a dark, creepy corridor just to make a point,’ she muttered accusingly.
‘I come here all the time. This place is amazing.’
As we stepped inside, we were greeted with great enthusiasm by the owner, who had us wait in the tiny lobby while she found us a table.
Molly had fallen silent again. She was surveying the restaurant floor and I watched emotions flicker across her face. She was fascinated, she was uncomfortable, and she was nervous. She adjusted her posture and reached up to smooth her side-swept fringe into place. I suddenly realised that the gesture meant she was anxious.
‘The food really is amazing,’ I assured her.
Totally Thai made authentic and delicious food, but the décor was terrible – mismatched furniture, including plastic garden chairs at some tables – not even the tablecloths or cutlery matched. I thought about the contrast to Circular and it was a stark reminder of how different Molly and I were.
I suppose I was so used to the setting that I hadn’t really thought about how tawdry it was compared to the culinary opulence that Molly was used to. I’d wanted more to blow her away with the fresh, delicious food and the personalised service. As I stood there watching her, I felt momentarily unsure of my choice of venue – but even as I acknowledged this, a stubborn determination rose in me.
This was who I was. This was a place I liked to go, and a place where I felt comfortable. I couldn’t change the way she reacted to Totally Thai, or even my house when we visited after lunch. She would either deal with this glimpse into my life, or she wouldn’t. I wanted her to enjoy our day together. I wanted her to enjoy the window into my world. But even if she didn’t, I wasn’t going to shy away from showing it to her. I was proud of who I was, and I was actually proud to be exposing a different side of Sydney to Molly. She had been sheltered long enough, and even she knew it.
‘Never judge a book by its cover, right?’ She flashed me a smile, but it was unconvincing.
‘Not everything worth having in life comes wrapped in a fancy package,’ I shrugged nonchalantly. The owner waved to indicate we should join her at a table, and although I knew she wanted me to be discreet in public, I slipped my arm around Molly’s waist.
15
Molly – July 2015
Leo thinks that this little trip down memory lane is going well. By the time we’ve finished our coffees and gone for a relaxed wander through the Botanic Gardens nearby, he’s remembered all the way up to the end of that night. I know when he remembers going back to my apartment after dinner because he suddenly stops pushing the wheelchair and says, ‘Oh!’
The expression on his face is one that I know all too well. I giggle a little as he exhales and shakes his head in disbelief.
‘You were amazing that night.’
‘You did okay yourself,’ I say.
‘Is it just me or is it hot out here?’ He does look a little flushed and I laugh.
‘God, Leo, if this is how you react when you remember that night, wait till you remember the honeymoon!’
‘I can’t wait for that one.’
On our way back to the rehab clinic, Leo takes my hand and holds it tightly against his thigh. He stares out the window, but his thumb brushes against the back of my hand. I watch the movement for a while, soothed somehow by that familiar, tender gesture, then I glance at his face. He’s lost in thought, and I’m torn right down the middle. Reliving these moments with him is so painful for me, and with his memories returning so easily I know that this brief period of renewed closeness will end soon. But suddenly I’m grateful for this time with Leo. Every second I can have with him like this, I will greedily take for myself and I will hold these new memories close to my heart long after I’ve lost him all over again.
‘What are you thinking?’ he turns to me suddenly, and I feel myself flush. Even that question is so familiar and so lost that it causes a physical pain in my chest.
‘You used to ask me that all the time,’ I whisper.
‘Why did I stop?’