‘That’s exactly how I felt,’ I whisper, and staring deeply into Leo’s eyes, I’m suddenly feeling that way all over again. ‘I felt like your hands were made to hold mine, and I never wanted you to let me go.’
‘Now who’s being corny?’ he says, but he whispers the words and the intensity in his eyes doesn’t diminish.
I laugh softly, and look past Leo. The waiter is approaching with our coffees and the beautiful moment is passing already. I hold onto his hand much tighter than I did that first time because now I know what it feels like when he lets go.
‘Why me, Molly?’ Leo asks suddenly.
I smile at him quizzically. ‘What on earth does that mean?’
‘You could have been with any man you set your heart on.’
‘Well, you really hate it when I go all “poor little rich girl” on you,’ I say softly, and when he grimaces, I laugh freely for a second because I know that he doesn’t need his memory to know that statement is true. I quickly sober though, and I plot my answer to his question. ‘The truth is you showed me how to see the world through new eyes. I fell in love with you because of who you are, but I married you because of who I became when I was with you.’
He smiles at me, and he brings my hand to his lips and kisses it very gently, then rests it on the table again. I look away from him, towards the harbour, and think about my own words.
All that I have said is true but it strikes me now that soon, I will not be married to Leo, and I have no idea what a post-Leo Molly Torrington-Stephens even looks like. She is more hardened than the innocent woman who married that man almost three years ago, but she is also kinder – more socially aware, more generous.
Will she be happy? This thought is terrifying. I glance back to Leo, and find him still staring at me. He’s not seeing me, he’s seeing the pre-Leo me, who was different again.
She was spoilt, and selfish, and manipulative – and yet he loved her anyway.
14
Leo – February 2011
I woke as soon as the sun hit Molly’s windows the next morning. She was sprawled diagonally across her bed, her face squished against my chest, one arm draped loosely over me. Despite the slightness of her build, she had helped herself to most of the mattress, trapping me on a thin section towards the edge. She was snoring with surprising volume and I grinned as I thought about how mortified she’d be if I told her.
I shifted positions very carefully so that I could look down at her face and took a moment to soak in the sight of her. Her hair was standing up at wild angles after our energetic night and her make-up had smudged around her eyes. I pondered the almost irrational affection I had for her in that moment; she was beautiful to me, even in her sleep-rumpled state. What was it about Molly that drew me towards her? I thought about the amazing night we’d shared, but I immediately understood that the chemistry between us was only a part of the puzzle. Maybe another part of that puzzle was her confidence, and the challenge of her boldness, and perhaps even her surprisingly positive energy.
She was complex, and so was my attraction to her – too complex to really understand at that stage. I couldn’t wait to see what the day would bring, and whether I’d get a chance to explore it – and explore all of the facets of her some more. As I thought about this, I grew impatient. I tried to wake her up subtly by shifting positions a few times but when that failed, I resorted to more drastic measures.
‘Wake up,’ I whispered. Molly peered at me from beneath one fluttering eyelid.
‘Please don’t tell me you’re a morning person.’
‘I’m not normally, but then again I don’t usually wake up with a beautiful woman in my arms.’
‘I have a feeling you’d wake up with a beautiful woman in your arms just about as often as you want to,’ she murmured. ‘What time is it?’
‘I have no idea. Will you spend the day with me?’
‘I usually work Saturdays,’ she said, but then her eyes opened and she blinked a few times.
‘Do you need to?’
‘Not technically.’
‘Do you want to?’
Molly rolled away from me and stretched and yawned. After a minute, she rolled back until she was leaning on my chest. She stared up at me and smiled. ‘Not even a little bit.’
‘Then play hooky with me.’
‘What will we do?’
‘Make ourselves open to the possibilities,’ I said, echoing her comments at dinner two nights earlier. She reached up and kissed me.
‘Sounds perfect,’ she murmured, against my lips. ‘Where did you want to start?’ I scooped her into my arms and flipped her onto her back, and she squealed and then grinned at me. ‘Yes, we definitely didn’t finish exploring those possibilities last night.’
‘It seems highly irresponsible to leave a task like that unfinished,’ I murmured, as I bent to kiss her neck. ‘So let’s get it out of the way and get some breakfast.’