Elizabeth
Yeah. I’m writing them their Christmas cards right now.
It’s amazing. The fact that we were able to have our own children, despite the fact that my womb basically doesn’t work, is amazing to me. It’s amazing. It was a super bummer getting there. It’s not a fun path to take.
You essentially mourn the loss of your fertility. Your superiority over men is that you can carry babies. Like ha-ha, suckers, you get higher incomes but you don’t get to have babies.
Suddenly I had to let go of one of those. I had to let go of my womanhood in a way. Just give over to a process that I didn’t willingly go into. I went into it willingly but I didn’t go into it happily. I went into it from a darker place. In the end it’s all light and amazing and that’s what they tell you when you start. They say in the end, there will be a baby and you’ll be so happy and you’ll forget everything and you do. You forget everything.
Adoption is a way to be a parent, but it is not a prescription for infertility. It’s not a way for me to have my own child. It was secondary to gestational surrogacy for us, always. We’ve been together for twenty years, and there really is something unique and special about making a little half me, half him.
People who adopt are huge souls. I have so much respect for people that go that route. It wasn’t what we chose.
Every once in a while you get someone who’s like, “Why didn’t you just adopt? There’s so many babies out there that need love.” I think they just want me to validate what they think.
SARAH SILVERMAN—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
Maybe I’ll adopt someday, but I want it to be when it’s all I want. I’m crazy about kids. I love them, but I just love my life. I love being totally free and whimsical and I don’t think you could do that necessarily with kids. I figure I’ll wait until I’m really young grandma age.
I think a lot of people have a weird feeling of guilt over not wanting kids, and it’s a silly weird social pressure that’s bizarre. I love kids so much. I love playing with them. I love spending time with them, but I’ll tell you, after a good half hour I’m ready to do my own thing. I’m waiting for that to not be the case anymore before I have a kid. That’s not a hasty thing. I think a lot of people are really hasty about it. They have kids because they’re trying to keep a man or they’re trying to fix a marriage. For all the wrong reasons or they turned thirty. There’s plenty of kids out there. Nobody needs you to have kids.
It’s crazy because people want to have their own kids, and yet, those same people go, “Don’t buy dogs from a breeder, don’t buy dogs from a pet store, get them from the shelter.” Well, I agree with that, but get kids from a shelter.
AMY SCHUMER—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
I can’t say right now if I’ll have kids. Maybe in five, six years I’ll want a kid and a family. Maybe I’ll want to surround myself with unconditional love or maybe that’s just because I’m starting to get afraid of dying and want somebody to carry on my genes.
I’ve been like, “That’s not going to happen to me. I’ve never been interested in kids,” but now, if there’s a child, I’m at a party or something and somebody has a kid there, I’ll sweep it up and put it on my hip. I’m like, “Whoa. How did you get up here? What are you doing up here?”
Then I’m always thrilled to put it down. I’m like, “Go back to your life.” I’m never like, “Can I keep it?”
I had to watch my friend’s dog. “I love your dog. I’ll watch your dog for a week.” A day in, I had to call in the reserves.
I’m just, like, lazy and moody and I don’t want it to be about me. I don’t want to have a kid to have it be about me.
TERRY GROSS—RADIO HOST
I have no children. That’s intentional.
Growing up in Brooklyn when I was growing up, all the women I knew were basically full-time mothers or they were in the few professions that allowed women at the time—secretary, clerk, working in your husband’s office, nurse, teacher. And I just knew I wanted a different life. I wanted out, I wanted out of the neighborhood, I wanted out of that life, I didn’t want that life. I wanted interesting work, I wanted to fall in love with work and I wanted to fall in love with a person and I’m lucky I have both.
JEN KIRKMAN—COMEDIAN, WRITER
I do not want to care for something. I will hate them. I’m not interested. I have a whole life ahead of me. I don’t want a kid. I don’t want to love anything. It’s selfless not to have kids because you’re not adding to the pollution, you can do charity, you can help people. I don’t believe that shit that it’s selfless to have kids. It’s considered selfless because you have to give up everything. You can’t take a shower, you’re really busy. I get that part of it. But the fact that that is what is defined as selfless nowadays makes me fucking crazy.
I didn’t like kids when I was one. Gary Coleman said that once and I was like, “Yes, Gary. I totally fucking agree. They were awful to me and I think they’re terrible.”
I like babies. But they have too much insight. Like, they look at you and they just get something, they’re from some spiritual realm where there’s a lot of intelligence and then they get here and they look at you and it fucking freaks me out. I feel like I’m a mess and they see it.
JANEANE GAROFALO—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
I have never wavered on not wanting to have kids. There was a point where I thought I probably should adopt to be socially responsible, because in the 1990s, I was financially well off and I thought it was probably the responsible thing to do, there are so many children in need of care. I have done the thing where you sponsor a kid from Guatemala. I do Feed the Children, and stuff like that. I have seven nieces and nephews. I know I don’t want to have children.
I do love babies. I don’t love the idea of having a teenager. I just am not interested in it. I think it’s all about structure and things and the ways I don’t want to live. Will I regret this decision on my deathbed? That remains to be seen.
Everybody rolls those dice. Then there’s a lot of people who do everything right, and the kid still winds up with issues. Then there’s parents who do everything wrong, and the kids are the most stable.