When my son Liam was seven—he’s a teenager now—but when he was seven he was diagnosed with autism. I didn’t want to have him tested. I didn’t want him labeled, because once he’s labeled, he’s labeled for life. I didn’t know at that time we could control the label, that it didn’t have to be what I thought it was going to be. Looking back, there was some denial.
He was always a smart kid. He started reading at four, he walked behind my wife and read an ad out of a newspaper from top to bottom at four. There were some social problems, issues with him. It got to the point where we needed help, and in second grade we had him tested. They said he’s autistic.
When you and I are talking to each other, I’m saying something, you nod your head. Where did you learn how to do that? That’s through osmosis, your parents didn’t say nod your head when somebody talks to you. He didn’t pick that stuff up, he has to learn that stuff. For years, we tried to get him to ask questions. We wanted him to ask a question, because he would just talk to you about his day, what he’d been doing. We’d try to have conversations, and the question we wanted him to ask was, “How was your day?” I just worked on that forever and ever, with his therapist.
It’s a really weird situation, because he has to fit in to a certain degree, to function in society. I don’t want him to change, that’s the lesson I learned, I don’t want him to change. I want him to stay as this person he is, which is completely different and unique. Honestly, a really different kind of cool, but he has to function in society.
He’s one of a kind. You talk to him and you go, “Wow, this kid is interesting, he’s funny, but he’s different.” He has to fit in to society, this is the thing as a parent, when I’m gone, I want him to be able to function. There are certain things that you have to be able to do to function. One is to engage other people. He loves other people, and he wants to talk to other people, and he wants to engage them in conversation, he just has a hard time with it. It’s very difficult to describe, he just has a difficult time with it, he just doesn’t know how to do it. You have to teach him tiny steps, and things that you and I picked up, he’s had to learn.
I remember walking across the playground with him at school, and he’s in the fourth grade, and he said, “So how was your day?” I called my wife and said, “He just asked me how my day was.” It was this giant fucking breakthrough. She said, “Liam?” I said, “Liam Gallagher asked me how my day was.” I remember saying to him, “Good! Good day!”
The thing about Liam is, there are no physical cues that tell you he’s different. He’s not in a wheelchair, he doesn’t have any muscular dysfunction. If we see people with a physical cue, you know to deal with things a little differently, but Liam is not that way. You start talking to him and it takes you about a minute to realize, “There’s something a little different happening here. A little askew.” That throws people off. People just blow him right off, don’t want anything to do with him.
I was embarrassed of him at times, because he’s my kid, and we’d be standing places, and he’d be bouncing up and down. I’d be like, “Dude, stop bouncing.” Then I had this moment with him, this really revealing moment, where I was working really hard with him. I rewrote textbooks for him, I just wanted everything to work. I had this really telling moment with him where he basically told me.…
I was …
I was doing it the wrong way.
He told me he was doing the best he could, and he was really trying hard, and why was I so angry all the time?
I thought, “Shit, I’m not doing this right.”
I just stepped back and I let him be himself, and I watched what he did, and I followed him. Now we have a way. He’s my bud, I understand him better. It was me, it wasn’t him.
I was always concerned about what people thought of me, and how I came across, and my image of what people thought of me. I think what Liam’s taught me, that I try—and this isn’t easy to do. Everybody says they don’t care what people think about them. I have gotten to the point where I care less about what people think about me. I take criticism for what it’s worth, and less to heart if I don’t think it’s relevant, if that makes sense. He’s taught me that it’s okay to be different, that it’s okay to be who you are, and not try to be who everybody wants you to be, or who you think you need to be.
RON FUNCHES—COMEDIAN, ACTOR
My son’s the best. He’s been the best thing in my life, for sure.
Originally we thought he was deaf because he just wouldn’t respond to things when you called him or when you made noises. We bring him to the doctor, and we find out that he can hear. They were like, “We need to do some more tests on him.” They did some test on him. This was when he was about two years old, and they were like, “Yeah, he has classic autism.”
Basically for him, and for a lot, it means nonverbal. An aversion to certain textures and noises and lights. Just developmental delays, and things of that nature.
Once we knew it became a lot easier. The hardest part was just being like, “What’s wrong? What’s going on? He won’t sleep.” He would sleep from like 2:00 A.M. to 5:00 A.M. seven days a week, and that was it. Then he’d be up singing The Jungle Book. It’s pleasant for a few hours.
He would repeat several things for comfort. He’d watch The Jungle Book on the VCR, and just repeat scenes over and over and over.
You introduce things, and you add things, but it’s also very rigid. You don’t want him to freak out, so it becomes a battle of what you’re willing to deal with.
It’ll always be a thing, but he’s very independent. He’s not completely verbal, but does a lot of mimicking. He’s very good at typing, though. He’s always been on the Internet and typing things out since he was like two.
There are some things where he’s really awesome. There are certain things that he’s normal at, and certain things that he has trouble with. He loves cars, racing, computers. Doesn’t care for baths.
Marc
What’s the hardest thing in terms of dealing with it?
Ron
Other people judging.
“Why are you so tired all the time? Why is your house a mess? Why do you always give in to everything he wants?” Because if he wants something he wants it, he needs it, and he will attack you or throw fits until he gets it, so you learn to pick your battles. There’s several times where people thought we were kidnapping him because he would just wig out because we couldn’t afford to buy him something. “Whose kid is that going off?” We had the cops called on us a few times because he was making noise. Even now if we go somewhere together in a hotel I have to let them know ahead of time, “Don’t put us near somebody else.” Because when you come up to tell us about a noise complaint I’m not going to be nice to you.