My kids were an imposition because I love them. If I didn’t care about them, there wouldn’t have been an issue. I would have been one of those dads, “I can’t really spend much time with them, but they’re there somewhere.”
When you read about people, famous great guys from the past, and their kids were just completely and utterly ignored by them and everybody just thinks that was a by-product of how great that person was, and we all give them a pass for it.
I had seen a lot of 60 Minutes episodes, where they talk about a guy, like Bill Parcells, or whoever. Look at how he’s so manic, and he’s so amazing. Then they talk to his wife, and she always has this kind of smile, and says, “We just know that we don’t see Bill from September 1 to February 15. You know, you make a deal with yourself that that’s okay. I love him.” Then at the end of the episode, Morley Safer says, “They’re divorced now.” I always remember that, and seeing the kids going, “Dad loves football, and not much else.”
I always thought, “That’s really not okay. Don’t have kids if you’re going to do that.”
PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON—WRITER, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER
My mom and my dad had four kids, me and my three sisters. Then my dad had a first marriage where he had five, so he had nine kids total.
Marc
How many do you have?
Paul
Four.
Marc
Is that just something you did because you grew up like that?
Paul
Probably. It’s nice to have a lot of kids running around the house. It’s like having a warm fire. Every once in a while it’s like throwing a bag of cats into a warm fire and it could be a nightmare, but it’s the best.
JIM GAFFIGAN—COMEDIAN, WRITER, PRODUCER, ACTOR
I have five kids and came from a family of six kids. I think we’ve been told that it’s culturally weird to have six kids. By the way, when you think about it, if someone says, I have six cats, you think they’re crazy. But what if someone really enjoys six cats and their apartment isn’t covered with cat turds?
Marc
That’s a long shot.
Jim
And I can afford to have my kids. I make a decent living, so as long as I can afford a decent cheeseburger, I’m all right, it’s not like I need a boat.
It’s like, So what? I’m going to be bald a year earlier?
What I get from these kids is immeasurable and I know it sounds like a rationalization, but it’s amazing.
BOB ODENKIRK—ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR, COMEDIAN
My kids are growing up, and it’s great. It’s nice that they’re getting older, because the other option is they pass away at a young age. No, it’s great that they grow up because life gets easier I think.
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
The biggest fun I’ve had is watching my girls grow up, and they are magnificent. Look, hopefully every parent feels the way I do about my daughters, but I think they are spectacular. When Michelle and I came into office the biggest worry we had was, is this going to be some weird thing for them, and are they going to grow up with an attitude, or are they going to think that everybody eats off of china?
It turns out they’re kind, they’re thoughtful, they treat everybody with respect, they don’t have any kind of airs. They’re confident, but without being cocky. They’ve got great friends. They’re not stuck in the bubble the same way I am. They go to the mall. They have sleepovers. They go to prom. Malia has started to drive. They’re doing great, so my biggest fun has been watching them grow up.
Now, unfortunately, they’re hitting the age where they still love me but they think I’m completely boring, and so they’ll come in, pat me on the head, talk to me for ten minutes, and then they’re gone all weekend. They break my heart. Now I’ve got to start thinking, “Well, what’s going to replace that fun?”
ANDY RICHTER—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
As I get older, one of the things working against my career is that I don’t give a shit about anything but going home and hanging out with the kids, and swimming with them, and cooking dinner.
On this tour I did with Conan, he said at one point, “It’s just really hard to do these shows, and then go home, and the very next day, someone says, ‘Could you unload the dishwasher?’ You’re like, ‘Last night, five thousand people were screaming my name!’”
I told him, “Yeah, but the dishwasher, that’s the real thing. That’s the thing.”
There’s something in me, I’ve never had five thousand people scream my name. Well, I have, I was on the same tour with Conan and people cheered when I came out. But that shit, I don’t trust it. Unloading the dishwasher, I feel like, “I trust this. This is important.” I’ve got to unload this dishwasher to show these people, who, like it or not, are going to be the ones wiping my ass. I’ve got to show them, “Look, I unloaded the dishwasher. You’re going to have to roll me over in a nursing home bed someday.”
BEN STILLER—ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR
Working can also be a way to not stop and feel. That’s something I’ve learned over the years. When I actually stop, there’s a kind of chaos and there’s not order necessarily. There’s a real simplicity in working. I don’t think it’s a bad thing necessarily. Having kids, and learning life just doesn’t happen on its own if you just go off and work all the time, forced me into figuring out “What’s the balance?” I’m trying to figure that out still.
PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON
I turned to my mom the other day. She was over, and I was trying to get these four kids out of the house. I just got down on my knees and I said, “I’m so sorry for every single thing I ever did to you,” and she said, “Well, you’re welcome.” Because it’s a full-time job.
BEN STILLER
The ultimate realization when you have kids is when you think, “Okay, now I’m going to have my kids and I’m gonna right all the wrongs.” Then you just realize how hard it is to be a parent, and I’ve made so many mistakes. Different mistakes than my parents made. Some the same, but I’m trying not to.
You just realize it’s a really, really challenging thing to be a parent. I work and I know it’s important to earn a living and all that, and also for creativity, but there’s no way you can do that and justify it to young kids. They don’t know. They don’t understand why you’re going away.
ADAM SCOTT—ACTOR
I went to my daughter’s ballet class today, and I was watching her. All I could think about was her getting hurt. She was doing the most beautiful thing you could ever imagine. The cutest, most beautiful, incredible thing, and all I could think about was a whole fantasy scenario of tearing some guy apart who hits her in the face.
Marc
Wait, let’s play that out. This is Adam Scott watching his daughter do a ballet class, and you’re like, “Wow, look at that. She’s really doing a great job.” What happens in your head?