The coolest part of it was learning like, “Oh, I don’t have to talk. Talking’s overrated. I can hang out with you all day, and not talk, and we can get things done. I know what you want for dinner. I know what you’re asking me off of glances or different things.”
I always wanted to be a comedian. I always knew what I wanted, and I was afraid, and I didn’t think that it was normal or possible. Having him, I was like, he’s not going to be a typical, normal kid, and I have to defend that, so I should be able to defend what I’m about.
Also, it was like, “I’m going to need to make money. I don’t want to put him in a home, and I know I’m not going to be alive forever, and he may need care forever. I have to do something. I either have to go back to college and figure out something that I like, or I need to really do this thing that I feel that I have a calling for.” Which even looking back now, even knowing that it’s kind of working out, still sounds stupid.
JON GLAZER—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
We adopted a little girl. It’s a lot of money. We hired an adoption lawyer instead of an agency, which actually proved to be very helpful with how our adoption went, but yeah it’s expensive. Having a baby is expensive. The hospital stuff.
I was slightly concerned about the age difference with my son, but not overly so. It’s awesome. It’s just watching him with her, it’s unreal. He wanted a sibling for very long and was always asking about a sibling and talking about it. It was a really bizarro thing to sit down with him and talk to him about it because it all happened very quickly.
I was like, “So mommies and daddies make a baby and they put it in and then rub it and stimulate it so stuff comes out.” I still had to explain that to say that we didn’t do that. Someone else did and we are buying that baby. “That’s why you’re going to have less toys because we don’t have the money for those anymore. Because we had to buy this baby.” He just had a look on his face like, “All right, I understand.”
We tried to get pregnant a second time. It didn’t happen. Even before we had our son, we had talked about how we were both open to adoption as an option. When we were trying again and it wasn’t happening, we decided to turn to adoption and we did it. Spent a large portion of last year in the process and then it all came together very quickly.
My wife met the mom, I did not, but it was very brief. The process I really have to say was not enjoyable for me at least. Part of it was you go through the clearance of background checks, security checks, FBI, fingerprints, all that stuff, and then you have to wait to get approved. Then there’s home visits and all this stuff, social workers and all that. Once you’re cleared, then you put your information out there.
The people putting their kids up for adoption, I can’t even imagine how hard that is. For some people, maybe it’s not, but you read the stories or you see these profiles of people who want to adopt and some of them are just weird. Some seem like weirdo people with religious stuff, like, we knew it was God’s plan, that kind of thing. At the same time, you don’t want to judge because people have just tough stories about trying to have kids. It’s just like online dating. You’re just putting yourself out there and hoping it happens. It can take so long, but it just made me uncomfortable to just be that open and have photos. This lady that was helping us with our profile. She’s a Web person. She just kept changing the text and just trying to tell us, “Look, you’ve got to sell yourselves. You’ve got to sell this.”
We’d write things like Jon is a blankety-blank and this and that and it would come back and it was all written from my wife’s perspective because it’s the mom connecting with the mom. There was one thing that this woman helping us wrote: “Fatherhood is the number one priority in Jon’s life.” I’m like, “Fucking no way. This is not who we are. This is not me.” Yes, it’s important, but to write that. It just was gross and she kept writing it really dramatic and flowery and just disgusting to me. It was gross and false. We kept telling her to stop doing that, please, and finally got it to where we were okay with it.
It came out of nowhere. It happened really quick. It was crazy timing. I was always worried it was going to happen in the middle of filming and we were going to miss it, and that would be it. Because it could take years, you hear these horror stories. But it happened the day after we wrapped. My mom just happened to be in town. We could take.…
My son Nate, we could take him out of school. And just have him …
Just have him be a part of the experience.…
I want to be able to tell the story. I’m not ashamed to cry. I just want to get through the story.
It was just great that he could be there for that moment. Because even telling him the day before, just trying to explain to your child, “Hey, we’re going to pick up a baby tomorrow.” It’s so bizarre.
We got to the hospital. She was days old. Not even a week old. There was a lot of scrambling. But because it was our second kid, it wasn’t so overwhelming. And—this is emotional too—your friends just come through for you. It’s incredible.
ELIZABETH BANKS—ACTOR, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER
Both my kids were born via gestational surrogates. They’re both mine and my husband’s. They’re biologically and genetically 100 percent me.
It’s not the way I would have done it. It was literally the only chance for me to have kids that were mine.
Marc
They take your egg and they take his sperm and they fertilize it outside. Then they put it in another person.
Elizabeth
Correct. Then they grow it in another person. They bake it.
Marc
Did you use the same oven for both?
Elizabeth
I did use the same oven, yeah. Yeah it was amazing. The most amazing woman. They are—I say “they” because she has a husband who’s amazing and they’re an incredible couple that did this for us. They have their own kids. They have three kids.
Marc
How do you decide on a surrogate? What needs to be in place in order for them to be able to do that other than the desire?
Elizabeth
The main question you have when you go into it: “Is she going to let me make every decision as if it’s mine and as if it’s my body?” That’s what you’re really concerned about. No one is concerned that they’re not going to give you the baby at the end. Your biggest concern is that they’re going to force a baby on you that you don’t want. That’s your biggest concern, in surrogacy. Meaning, the baby has spina bifida and is going to be born severely malformed, is 100 percent going to die. If you don’t believe in that, if you don’t believe in giving life to something that’s going to die minutes later, don’t get involved with surrogacy. You need someone that you trust is going to honor your wishes about what’s going on.
Marc
You’re saying that if you wanted to terminate the pregnancy for whatever reason, they would have to agree to do that.
Elizabeth
Correct, because you cannot force somebody to do that.
We got two beautiful babies, thank goodness.
Marc
Does your relationship with this couple and family still exist after?