The thought came to me, unbidden and unwelcome. I shoved it away like it was toxic.
I’d known they would be, but I had to see it. I’d hoped that laying eyes on the two of them at the peak of their marital bliss would do a sort of magic. Steel my resolve. Help me get over it. Get over her. But it did the opposite. Ren was getting my happily ever after. I didn’t blame him for wanting it. But I deserved it as much as he did.
Time passed and I stewed in my resentment. Then Ren and Kelsey split apart. He asked Nilima to dance while Kelsey danced with Sunil. Waiters carrying trays of delicious hors d’oeuvres stopped and offered food, but I waved them on with an irritated gesture.
Another song played and Kelsey moved from one partner to another. Almost without thinking, I stood up and straightened the jacket of my suit. Purposefully, I strode forward and waited for my chance. When the song changed again, I stood before her, capturing her hand and bowing low over it.
“May I have your next dance, young lady?” I asked.
“Yes,” she answered pleasantly. “Thank you for the honor.”
“It is I who am honored.”
The music began, and though I tried to remind myself I was playing a role, I found I was utterly undone by being near her. I let my imagination run away with me and dreamed it was our wedding day and I was her groom. That she had vowed to be mine and not my brother’s. I closed my eyes and relived a sweet kiss we’d shared so many months ago.
How could she be so close and yet so far away from me? Couldn’t she sense me? Did she think of me? Did she miss me? Regret leaving me behind?
As I looked into her eyes, I didn’t see any doubt there. The song was half over and I hadn’t even spoken to her. My fingers tightening on her waist, I said, “I was sorry to hear of the passing of your groom’s brother and grandfather.”
Her eyes fell away and then returned to my face. “Thank you. It was a great loss. Both of us wish they were here with us today.”
“Perhaps they are,” I said softly.
She didn’t respond to that except to give me a grateful smile and a nod. “How long have you worked for the company?” Kelsey asked, politely changing the subject.
“Not long,” I answered. “It was kind of your groom to invite me.” Scrambling for something else to say before she asked me more details about my supposed job, I said, “The flowers are lovely.”
“Yes. Nilima took care of all the details.”
“She even added your favorites,” I mentioned. When she frowned and tilted her head, I hastened to add, “I was tasked with sending you flowers once, many months ago.”
“Ah,” she said, accepting my lame attempt to cover my error.
Kelsey glanced over my shoulder and smiled. It was the most breathtaking expression I’d ever seen. My nostrils flared. Ren was close. She tossed a lock of hair over her shoulder and a sparkle at her neck caught my eye. I recognized the form of the Mangalsutra and knew what it was—a traditional gift a groom offered his bride on their wedding day. But that wasn’t what had caught my attention.
Two chains, one of gold and one of blue, wrapped around each other. Diamonds and sapphire flowers chased down the length of the chains, but in the center was a teardrop diamond surrounded by lotus flower petals made of ruby. It was the ring I’d given her. The teardrop was Kelsey’s. Durga had turned it into a diamond, and the ruby gems had been fashioned from the large stone I’d won in the House of Gourds when we’d been in Shangri-La together.
I wet my lips. “Your…your Mangalsutra. I know something of the tradition but I’ve never seen one as original as this. Tell me, what does it symbolize?”
Her hand went up to her neck to finger the lotus flower. “This was a gift from Ren’s brother. I wear it to remember him.”
“Ah, I see,” I said. “I forget his name.”
“Kishan. His name was Kishan.”
I searched her face for something, anything. Regret. Pain. Longing. But all I saw was a softening. A quiet peace.
“Isn’t it, ah, traditional for the bride to wear something to help her remember the groom?” I laughed as if trying to pass off my question as casual, but it sounded forced, even to me.
“It is,” she acknowledged. “But it was Ren’s idea. Both of us wanted to honor him. If he hadn’t been so selfless, we wouldn’t be together today.”
A lump big enough to choke me swelled in my throat. I feared my emotions were plain on my face. I looked down at the shadow we cast as we danced together and had the sudden notion that my presence was casting a pall over the joyful proceedings. “It is apparent that you miss him,” I said.
“We do,” she added and her eyes glistened.
How can I do this to her? On her wedding day, no less? She remembered me as selfless, as sacrificing. Yet here I was trying to ruin what should be the happiest moment of her life. Of both their lives. My shoulders slumped, and I felt like I was wearing my shame like a too-tight necktie.
I kept silent for the rest of the song and just moved across the floor, memorizing the feel of holding her in my arms. Ren found us at the end, and just as I was handing her back to him, I looked up and locked eyes with another woman. She was disguised but she’d done a poor job. She stood out in the crowd like a peacock among pigeons.
With a nod to Ren and a quick thanks to Kelsey, I strode through the crowd and took Anamika by the arm. “What are you doing here?” I hissed as I tugged her to a darkened hallway. It was only the presence of other people that made her refrain from ripping her arm away from me.
“Kishan?” She frowned and scrutinized my face, rubbing her arm as if I’d contaminated her with germs. I’d learned about germs from Nilima, who always kept a bottle of some kind of liquid with her to prevent sickness. Germs didn’t bother me, of course, and I doubted the goddess had any idea what germs were as I’d never bothered to explain them to her.
“Who else would I be?” I asked, irritated and a bit offended that she wanted to wipe my touch away.
“You’re so…old,” she said, her pretty face turning into a grimace.
“Yeah? And you’re too…blonde,” I finished, tugging on a long lock of strawberry-blonde hair. “Ren may not have his sense of smell anymore but I can assure you that his eyes work. Even with blonde hair, they’d see you coming a mile away. What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like…like that?”
“I would ask you the same question!” she spat. Her eyes were like rusted swords, sharp enough to do damage and yet timeworn enough to cause more pain than necessary.
I ignored the steam coming from her ears and took in her clothing. The fluid silk of her halter dress clung to her frame like foam on the beach. I’d thought her green hunting garment was distracting, but the ice-blue creation she wore now was debilitating. The neck of the dress was cut low. Much lower than anything I’d ever seen Kelsey or Nilima wear. And the slit on the side exposed almost the entirety of her leg.
Swallowing, I took a step back. Not even sure how she came to be there, let alone dressed like she was. The moon shone through the window, lighting her skin with alabaster rays, and I swiped at the trickle of sweat on my temple. With her hair blonde, she looked like Aphrodite emerging from the sea. I clapped a hand on the back of my neck, wondering where to start.
She folded her arms and cut me a stern look, but my eyes drifted from hers because I was too distracted by the way the movement caused her chest to swell. The round curves of her body, entirely too exposed, in my opinion, were on display like gleaming pearls, for all the men at the party. I ripped off my jacket and held it out. “Here, put this on.”
“No. Your jacket does not match my dress.”
“Doesn’t match your…” I caught myself looking again and shook my head to clear it. “Ana, now isn’t the time to argue with me. Put it on. You’re practically naked.”
“I am not naked,” she groused as she tugged my jacket on. “Besides, your jacket is too warm.”