She needed time, I’d give her time. I let her go that night, despite wanting to ask her to stay. Even if staying meant just holding her in my arms all night and apologizing repeatedly for what she went through when I left.
The guilt of knowing what had happened to her, to our baby, was enough to drive me straight up the stairs and to my room that night. How could I have been so selfish? I couldn’t look my brother or Brett in the eyes without them knowing something was on my mind, so I just avoided them.
I had never really put much thought into being a father, but knowing that I could have been was numbing. I could have a six year old right now. Everything that I’d accomplished in life seemed meaningless in the grand scheme. I could have been a dad. I thought long and hard about what it would have been like to have had a family with Nora. It might not have been something that I’d thought about before, but I definitely wanted it now. It had suddenly become the top priority on my list. I had to make things right between us.
I had a lot of pining to do if I wanted her to see that she belonged with me. What’s the old saying? Where there’s a will, there’s a way. My phone chimed from the nightstand when I finally laid down that night after nearly pacing a hole through the wood floors in my bedroom.
Nora: Maybe we can try to be friends.
The text message from her was unexpected, considering she’d asked me to give her time just a few hours ago.
Me: I’ll take it.
I replied and went to bed that night knowing that I had the will, and she was giving me the way. If we were friends, at least she wouldn’t be avoiding me and refusing to talk. Friends talk. Friends hang out. Friends turn to lovers. I might have been getting a little bit ahead of myself, but I had a good feeling about us.
“Hey,” Reid called out when he saw me standing outside the one diner in town. “Fancy seeing you here,” he teased. It was lunchtime. I either ate at the office or I ate here, same as every other person that worked in Halstead. As soon as I saw him though, I’d really wished I packed a lunch today. I’d told him that I thought we could be friends, but I hadn’t anticipated running into him so soon. Three days ago, I was crying on his front porch.
Everything that I’d wanted and needed to say to him I did, but nothing was made clearer. I believed his reasons for leaving before. I didn’t like it, but I understood. It was the question of whether or not I was willing to end my relationship, which I knew was on decently solid ground, for one that may or may not blow up in my face.
“Still not many choices for dining out,” I replied. “What brings you into town?” See? I could totally maintain civility and hold a friendly conversation. Clearing the air had helped. Zero ounces of awkward.
I felt relieved that I’d told Reid about the pregnancy, but I could sense that he wanted a much deeper conversation than we were having at the moment. I wanted to tell him that despite how terrible everything had been, I’d made my peace with it. I wasn’t ready to raise a baby back then. Especially alone. Life has a way of working out the way it’s supposed to. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.
“Yeah, I’m picking up lunch for everyone on the crew. They’ve started the work on the house,” he clarified. “You’ll have to come out and see it. Maybe we can talk some more about—”
“I’m actually meeting Beau.” I felt the need to disclose my reasons for being there, apart from the obvious, and stop whatever conversation Reid was trying to start. The middle of town in broad daylight was not a place where I wanted to discuss our break-up or my miscarriage. Judging from the dirt on the front of his jeans, he must have been helping the crew, and the understanding in his eyes told me that he knew it wasn’t the right time or place for us to talk. I forbid myself from imagining a scenario in which this devastatingly handsome man in front of me was participating in manual labor. The dirt, the sweat, the heavy lifting...
Well, fuck.