She nodded like she could relate, even though Aubrey rarely got things wrong. She was in all advanced classes and made straight As. My watered-down course material must have seemed simple to her, but she never made me feel dumb for making mistakes.
Aubrey’s phone beeped with a text. As she read it, her face broke into a huge smile.
“Justin wants to come over,” she said breathlessly, her eyes sparkling in the glow of the table lamps.
“What, tonight? Now? But we’re studying.”
“I think we’ve done enough for tonight. It’s Saturday. Mom and Dad won’t be home until midnight or something. They’ll never know, right?”
I gave her a who-are-you-and-what-have-you-done-with-my-best-friend look and frowned. “But I’m not . . .” I gazed down at my slobby self. In my sweatpants and ratty T-shirt, I wasn’t exactly presentable for company. Especially cute male company.
Aubrey waved her hand like my attire didn’t matter. Easy for her to say. She looked great in her leggings and long sweater, her curls loose and tumbling over her shoulders. “Do you mind if he comes over? He won’t stay long, and then we can study or watch a movie or whatever you want.” She seized my arm, her face lighting up like she just remembered the existence of a giant carton of cookie dough ice cream in the freezer. “Hey! I could ask him to bring a friend.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Like who? Wyatt Greer?”
Her cheeks turned blotchy and she looked away. Over the past week or so, she’d seemed to have a change of heart about the junior jerks, claiming they weren’t “that bad” and that I shouldn’t judge all of them on the actions of one. I guess she had a point. Wyatt was a bully, yes, but Justin wasn’t. He’d even apologized for whatever Wyatt had done to offend us, and acknowledged that he was a douche. Maybe not all the junior jerks were jerks, but that didn’t mean I wanted to hook up with one when I hadn’t showered yet today and there was a zit the size of Mount Vesuvius on my chin.
“Sorry,” Aubrey said, hands rising to section her hair, coil it into a braid. “I just thought . . .”
Her face was completely red now, like she felt ashamed for preferring an hour or so with her new boyfriend over studying biology with me. This boy thing was all so new to us. No one had ever breached our safe best-friend bubble before, and neither of us was prepared for how one extra person would affect our relationship.
But Aubrey was happy, happier than I’d ever seen her, and with all the pressure in her life from parents and teachers and expectations, she deserved something fun for once.
“It’s okay.” I pushed her hands away from her hair and unwound the braid, fluffing her curls with my fingers until they hung loose again. “I don’t mind.”
Her smile was blinding. “Really? Dara, you are the best friend ever. Justin and I hardly ever get to be alone and—”
I held up my hand, cutting her off. I didn’t want to hear about how they spent their rare time alone. Especially since they wouldn’t be alone tonight. I’d be here, probably trying to blend into the furniture while they took advantage of a parent-free house.
Justin arrived fifteen minutes later—without a friend, thankfully—and the three of us headed down to the basement to watch TV. Aubrey and Justin snuggled together in the middle of the couch while I sunk into the chair near the TV, feeling like an unwanted chaperone. Why had I agreed to this? Downtime with my best friend was so limited, and I’d always been protective of it. I was a little hurt that she didn’t feel the same.
“You can pick the show, Dara,” Aubrey said, handing me the remote like a peace offering. She was trying to make me feel included, but it was hard to feel anything but awkward sitting in a dimly lit basement while my best friend snuggled with a cute guy a few feet away.
I scrolled through the channels, even though it was pointless. They wouldn’t have noticed if I turned on the French channel. Finally, I stopped on some cooking contest show and pretended to watch it while the happy couple murmured and giggled.
I stood up. “I’m going to make some popcorn.”
“Okay,” Aubrey said, blinking up at me. She got the same glazed-over look when she was in the middle of a complicated violin piece. “I’ll help you.”
“No, it’s okay.” I let my gaze rest on Justin. He met my eyes and gave me his brain-scrambling smile. For a moment, I wondered what it would feel like to trade places with Aubrey. To snuggle under the curve of his arm. To have his lips on mine.
It could’ve been me, I thought. If only he hadn’t chosen Aubrey. I quickly shook those thoughts from my mind. They made me almost resent my best friend, an emotion I’d never felt toward her before.
“Are you sure?” Justin asked, snapping me out of my daze.
“Um, yeah,” I said, flustered. My skin felt scorched, like I was suddenly running a fever. “I can manage by myself.”
I bolted upstairs. The quiet, empty kitchen was a welcome sight, and my body temperature slowly returned to normal as I stuck a bag of popcorn in the microwave. Now that I was up there, alone, the guilt was setting in. A good person didn’t fantasize about kissing her best friend’s boyfriend. What if my feelings showed on my face? Then again, why would Justin even notice my face—or anything else about me—when he had Aubrey? Okay, so I did have some qualities she lacked—like height and boobs and pin-straight hair that never frizzed—but the only people who thought I was beautiful and special were my parents. And they didn’t count. They weren’t a boy I was 99.9 percent sure I had an illicit crush on.
The microwave beeped, interrupting my thoughts. I dumped the popcorn into a huge bowl and carried it through the kitchen, pausing at the door to the basement. I could hear TV voices and the faint tinkle of laughter. They sounded so happy, like they weren’t missing me at all.
I hesitated for another few seconds, then backed away from the basement door and turned left, toward the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. Aubrey and Ethan’s house was a lot like mine—two-story, twenty years old—only theirs was bigger and more updated. It was cleaner too, so clean it didn’t feel lived in. Unlike my house, which was dusty and jumbled and currently covered in chintzy Halloween decorations.
Ethan’s bedroom door was open a crack, but I gave a courtesy knock anyway.
“What?” his voice barked from inside.
Surprised, I jerked back, almost dropping the bowl of popcorn on the floor. I recovered quickly and nudged open the door, revealing myself. Ethan was sitting at his desk, laptop open in front of him. When he saw me, his face turned red and he leaned forward to press pause on whatever video game he was playing.
“Oh,” he said. “Hi.”
I held up the bowl. “Popcorn?”
“Uh.” His brow creased and he craned his neck to look behind me, like he was expecting more people. “Where’s Aubrey?”