“What?” I asked.
She stuffed her phone back in her pocket and looked at me, panicked. “He texted me. Justin. Asked me what I was doing. I told him I was here and he said he’s on his way.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but . . .” She grabbed my arm. “Is my hair okay? Do you see any cookie dough stuck in it?”
I inspected her long hair and pronounced it dough-free. She raked her fingers through the strands anyway, checking for herself. I caught Ethan’s eye and made a your-sister-is-a-weirdo face. He smiled. Whenever Aubrey went into freak-out mode around us, Ethan and I banded together to make fun of her.
After a while, Travis and Paige and some of the others drifted over to the playground a few yards away. Aubrey had told Justin she’d wait for him at the fountain, so Ethan and I stayed to keep her company. By the time Justin finally showed up, Aubrey was practically vibrating with nerves. He walked across the grass toward us, flanked by two guys I’d seen around school. Neither of them was Wyatt, much to my—and Ethan’s—relief.
Justin broke away from his friends and came to a stop in front of us. I saw a flash of white teeth as he grinned down at Aubrey.
“Prodigy,” he said in greeting.
“Stop calling me that.”
Her voice was more flirty than annoyed, and he grinned even wider.
“It’s a compliment.”
“I think you can do better,” she said.
Justin laughed and all of a sudden I felt like a third wheel. He hadn’t looked at me or said hi or even noticed my presence. Not that I expected him to, with Aubrey beside me, but still. I didn’t want to sit here like an idiot and watch them flirt.
“I’ll be right back,” I told my best friend. She nodded, eyes locked on Justin’s as if he’d evaporate if she looked away. I got up and motioned for Ethan to join me. The second we’d vacated the fountain’s edge, Justin took my place.
Ethan and I headed across the gravel path to the playground.
“I don’t like that guy,” he said as we walked.
“You don’t?” I assumed he meant Travis, who was sitting on top of the monkey bars, showing off for the small crowd below.
“He hangs around with that Wyatt jerk. Anyone who’s friends with someone like that can’t be a decent person.”
For a moment I was confused, wondering when Travis became friends with Wyatt, and then it hit me that he was talking about Justin. “He seems okay to me.”
Ethan smirked, letting me know my not-so-innocent thoughts were completely transparent. I elbowed him in the ribs, realizing as I did that I no longer had to bend down to do it. He really had shot up over the summer. Soon we’d be the same size and I’d lose my advantage over him. Not that I wrestled around with him anymore. That stopped last year sometime when it started getting awkward. Now I just punched him in the arm when he got out of line.
“Hey, Shepard, look at me!” Travis yelled when he saw me. He ignored Ethan, as most of Aubrey’s and my friends did. He was simply there—quiet, unassuming—easily blending into any crowd.
“Travis,” Paige said dully as she lit another cigarette. “Get down from there before you break your neck.”
Travis arranged his legs around the monkey bars and crossed his arms. No hands. Were we supposed to be impressed with his heroic bravery? I’d seen little kids do that.
“Last year,” said a guy sitting on a bench a few feet away, “someone walked across the top of the bars and slipped. Landed right on his nutsack and now he can’t have kids.”
Travis’s jaw went slack and he slid down, landing with a thump on the gravel. “Fuck that. I value my manhood.”
While everyone laughed, I examined the bars. They weren’t very high, and they were definitely thick enough to hold a foot. A steady one. “I bet I could do it,” I said to no one in particular. “Walk across.”
Travis snorted. “Sure. At least you don’t have a nutsack in danger of crushing.”
“I’m serious.”
He stopped brushing his hands off on his shirt and studied me closely, checking to see if I really meant it. Whatever he saw in my face made him grin. “Okay, then. I dare you to walk all the way across. You have to walk on the bars, too, not on the wood where it’s wider.”
“Oh God,” Paige groaned. “You had to dare her, didn’t you? Now she’s actually gonna do it.”
I would have done it without the dare, but I let them think that was the reason. I was Dare-ya Shepard, after all.
I kicked off my flip-flops and stepped toward the wooden stairs leading up to the platform.
“Dara, I don’t think . . . ,” Ethan mumbled from somewhere behind me, but I ignored him. What I was about to do required concentration.
Luckily, it was neither humid nor windy at the moment. The metal bar felt cold and dry against my palms as I boosted myself up.
“What is she doing? Dara, are you insane?”
Aubrey sounded breathless and alarmed, like she’d run over here to save me. I didn’t look down or respond, too focused on positioning my feet on either side of the wooden frame. When I got my balance, I slowly stood up and rested my right foot on bar number one. Eight more stretched out before me, looking a lot thinner than they had from the ground.
“All the way across, Dare-ya,” Travis called, followed by a grunt as someone—probably Paige—smacked him.
The slight, end-of-summer breeze ruffled my hair. A muscle twitched in my leg. I could sense everyone holding their breath as they stared up at me, waiting to see if I’d fall.
All I had to do was walk fast enough.
I moved forward without thinking, and before I even had time to panic I was on the last bar, crouching and wobbling and grabbing the wooden frame so tightly, I knew I’d spend the rest of the night digging splinters out of my palms. But it was worth it for the look on Travis Rausch’s face.
“That was pretty badass, Shepard,” he said with a tone of grudging respect.
I smiled as I lowered myself to the ground. Gravel dug into my bare feet, but I hardly felt it through the euphoria. Aubrey handed me my flip-flops and glared at me like she was sorry I hadn’t fallen and broken a few bones. She’d never appreciated my stunts. Ethan gave me a tremulous smile, anxiety giving way to relief.
But it was Justin’s expression that struck me the most. He looked at me like he’d suddenly remembered the girl whose aim he’d admired in the cafeteria a couple of weeks ago, before Aubrey caught his eye. Like I was someone interesting he should probably get to know.
Totally worth a few splinters.
five
Senior Year
DR. LEMKE HASN’T CHANGED A BIT IN THE PAST year. He’s still slim and tanned with smooth, parted hair that reminds me of a Ken doll. He also still has that penetrating blue-eyed gaze that makes me feel like my brain is being telepathically dissected.