Yeah, well, everything I ever wanted is hiding in a small apartment, feeling miserable because I broke up with her, I thought, but I kept my lips pressed firmly together. I knew I couldn’t say anything to Mark about Hanna, no matter how great the temptation.
“It’s fine,” I said finally. “It’s good news.”
“We’re going to fly you out there sometime next week, and you can check in with the project leads,” Mark continued. “Obviously, we don’t have our own building yet – the plans for that are still in the works. But you should go out and introduce yourself to the new staff. I know they’re all looking forward to meeting you.”
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll have Maggie make the arrangements.”
Mark frowned. “I can’t help but feel that you’re not nearly as excited about this as you should be,” he replied. “James, is something the matter?”
“No,” I lied. “Nothing’s wrong.”
Mark gave me a suspicious look, but thankfully didn’t say anything else, or press me further. By the time the meeting was over, I was drenched in sweat. My heart was thudding slowly in my chest and my hands felt cold and clammy. This is it, I thought as I stood up from my executive chair, shook hands with Mark, and walked out of the conference room. This is the new normal for James West.
I had Maggie make the flight arrangements – I’d be flying out in three days to Seoul – and tried to lose myself in the design plans for the new office building. The plans were incredible, they were much more advanced than our Boston offices…but I couldn’t make myself care.
When Harry called around noon, I was glad of the distraction.
“Hey, man,” Harry said. “How are you?”
I sighed. “Not great,” I admitted.
“Dude, you’ll be fine,” Harry said with a dismissive scoff. “You’ll push through this. It’s not a huge deal.”
“It is a huge deal,” I said as the taste of bile seeped into my mouth. “The woman I love hates me now, and she’s never going to speak to me again.”
“Well, maybe things will settle down soon,” Harry said. I could tell that just talking about Hanna made him uncomfortable. “Come out tonight for drinks after work?”
I checked my watch. It was later than I’d thought when the phone had rung – almost two-thirty in the afternoon.
“You know what, I don’t think I can,” I said. “I’m going to South Korea in three days, and I really need to wrap some things up before I can leave.”
“God,” Harry muttered under his breath. “You really are something, you know that?”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever,” I said. “I should go.”
Once I’d hung up, I tried harder than ever to concentrate. But it was impossible. All I could think about was Hanna’s beautiful smile and her brilliant green eyes. Eyes that would never look at me with love in them ever again. My stomach twisted and I churned and I got to my feet. Before I even realized what I was doing, I walked out of my office and down the hall.
“Mr. West? Where are you going? You don’t have anything until three,” Maggie called over her shoulder.
I ignored her. Speeding up my pace, I made my way through the building to where Hanna’s office stood. To my surprise, the lights were turned off and the door was closed. A blonde woman passed by just as I tried the handle to her door.
“Hanna’s not in today,” the blonde said – I vaguely recognized her as one of our lower-level admins.
I narrowed my eyes. “Is she sick? Did she call in?”
The blonde shook her head. “No, I don’t think so,” she said. There was a suspicious note in her voice. “Why? Are you trying to reach her?”
Suddenly, it hit me that I looked like a crazy man. I was standing outside of Hanna’s dark office, practically trying to break in. I’m acting like I’ve lost my mind, I thought, yanking my hand away from the metal door handle like it was scorching hot.
“Uh, no,” I lied. “I was just wondering about the status of our new Twitter support account.”
The blonde frowned. “I don’t know anything about that,” she said, backing away and turning around before she walked off.
With a sigh, I slumped against the wall. Somehow, I’d gone from James West, billionaire playboy, to loser. It was like women could smell it on me – they knew I was a failure, they knew I’d gotten my own heart broken due to reckless behavior.
Harry was right – I’d become pathetic.
I pressed my lips into a determined expression and walked back to my office. Maggie watched me suspiciously, but she didn’t say anything as I closed the door and sank down on my couch with my face buried in my hands.
I don’t know how long I sat like that – for one of the first times in my life, I truly felt helpless. I’d read descriptions of panic attacks before, and while I’d always written them off as bullshit, suddenly it seemed all too close to home. I felt like I was in the middle of a horrible puzzle and I’d just thrown away the one piece that I needed to make it complete.
The sound of my phone buzzing across my desk made my head snap up. I got to my feet and grabbed the vibrating object in my hand. As soon as I looked down and saw that the caller ID was marked “private,” my heart sank.
“I don’t know who you are, or why you’re doing this,” I growled into the phone after swiping open the call and holding it to my ear. “But I can tell you this – I’ve had it, and you’re going to pay.”
There was no answer.
“Coward,” I muttered. “Come out and tell me the goddamned truth!”
“Um, I’m calling for James West,” a slightly familiar female voice said. I frowned – I knew that I’d heard it before, but where?
“Who is this?”
“It’s Danielle.”
I groaned. “Before you start attacking me for what I did, look, you have to realize that you don’t know the whole story. I—”
“What are you talking about? I don’t want some pathetic story,” Danielle said. “I want you to tell me where Hanna is. Simple, James. Don’t be an asshole.”
For a horrible moment, I felt like I was going to pass out. Lowering myself down into my chair, I kicked my feet up on the desk.
“Isn’t she at home, with you? She’s not at work today.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, no,” Danielle snapped. “Look, we went out a few nights ago, because she was miserable that you’d broken her heart. I thought it would help cheer her up to get back out there.”
“And you haven’t seen her since?”
“No,” Danielle said crossly. “I haven’t. I assumed that she was with you!”
“Oh my god,” I said, putting a hand to my forehead.
“Yeah,” Danielle said. “Jeanine called, and—”
“Wait, who?”
“Her older sister,” Danielle said. “God, you really don’t know anything about her, do you?”
I felt like someone had reached into my chest and ripped my heart out.
“I have to go,” I said hurriedly, hanging up the call and dialing Andrew.
“Hello?”
“I don’t know what you’re doing,” I said angrily. “Other than wasting my money and wasting my time. But you need to get a lead on this case, now, or else I’m firing you and suing you for incompetence!”
Andrew was silent.
“In fact, you know what? Fuck it, you’re fired,” I said sharply. “I know I could get a kindergartener to do a better job than what you’re doing!”