But most of all, I was mad at myself. The Hanna Parker I’d once known never would have done something so stupid, or so reckless. She would’ve kept herself out of trouble. She would’ve held her head high and not caved to lustful temptation.
And she certainly wouldn’t have believed that a wealthy, powerful man like James West was capable of falling in love with a silly little nobody like herself.
As I spent those two days crying and retching in my room, I felt more miserable and unhappy than I’d ever felt in my life. This was worse than everything. It was worse than constantly growing up in the shadow of my troublesome sister. It was worse than my parents forgetting my birthday, or my college graduation ceremony. It was even worse than the time that I’d broken my leg as a child and I’d had to spend the entire summer inside, lying in bed with my leg in traction.
But when the numbness started to fade and the pain began to set in, it wasn’t alone. Anger and rage and venom came with it, real anger. How could he, I thought as I stared out the window at the snowy, blustery Boston sky. I could picture James out, probably out on the town with his douchebag of a friend, Harry, living the playboy billionaire life. He probably already had another girl on his arm, or maybe even two. And he probably had a stack of those stupid fucking diamond bracelets.
The bracelet had been the first thing to come off when I’d arrived home from that disaster of a “date” at the new Chinese fusion place. I’d almost thrown it out the window, but Danielle had grabbed my arm at the last second and yanked the bracelet from my hand.
“Hanna, don’t,” she’d said. “You’re going to regret this if you do.”
“No, I won’t,” I said dully. “I hate him. And I hate everything he ever gave me…which conveniently turns out to be this one bracelet.”
Danielle had sighed. “Well, sell it, then, and live off the proceeds while you look for a new job. This could probably fetch four or five thousand dollars.”
But although I wouldn’t have admitted it to her, I wasn’t quite ready to say no. But I wasn’t ready to look at the stupid thing yet, either, so I put it in a box in the back of my closet where it lurked like a monster from my childhood nightmares.
And on the third day, I knew I couldn’t keep wallowing. I had to get up and face the world – I had to show everyone that I was a strong, independent woman who wasn’t heartbroken in the least. I woke up two hours before I had to be at work and spent a long time on my hair and makeup, making sure that I looked professional – and beautiful – before leaving the house.
When I got into my office, I saw that my desk was exactly how I’d left it. I felt a bolt of pain cut straight to my heart as I realized the last time I’d been in my office was right before I’d left the office to get ready for my last, fateful date with James. But that was over, and I had to move past it…even if it killed me.
In the middle of the day, there was an announcement for all employees to meet in the large conference room. I took a deep breath and steeled myself, hoping James wouldn’t be there. After all, if he was going to focus on international business, maybe he’d already left the country. Maybe he was going to go to Seoul, or Beijing, for a year, just like he’d done in London.
But walking into the conference room, I saw him. He was standing in the corner, talking and laughing – laughing! – with another man I didn’t recognize. When he saw me, his smile faded and he dropped his gaze before turning on his heel and stalking out of the room.
I felt hot anger bubble up inside of me. That fucker, I thought. He’s not going to focus on business! He just wanted to get rid of me! I was so angry that I could barely see as I walked across the room and took a seat. When the presentation started, I could barely focus. All I could think about was James. James screwing different women in London, James deciding to keep the baby with the woman he knocked up. The more I thought about it, the sicker I felt. As the speaker droned on and on, I felt nausea cramping my stomach. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore it, but the feeling grew stronger with every passing second until I knew that it was almost too late. Leaping from my seat, I dashed out of the room and down the hall. I’d barely made it to the ladies’ room when hot bile spewed from my mouth, all over the floor and row of sinks.
To my horror, I heard the sound of a toilet flushing. When I looked around, I saw Maggie, James’s secretary, emerge from one of the stalls.
“Hello, dear,” Maggie said kindly. “Are you feeling ill?”
I washed my hands in the sink and wiped my mouth with a coarse paper towel.
“I’m fine now,” I lied.
Maggie tutted. “You poor thing! You shouldn’t come in to work so soon after having the flu,” she advised kindly. “You should be at home, with chicken soup and your husband taking care of you.”
My heart sank and I could feel my forced smile sagging.
“Dear? Did I say something wrong?”
“No,” I lied. “I’m fine.”
I pushed my way out of the bathroom and went straight back to my office. Tears came to my eyes as I sat down at my desk but I stared at the ceiling and blinked until they went away. I pictured James’s smug, grinning face in my mind and the overwhelming desire to vomit again came rushing back with great force. No, I thought as I began typing. I’m not going to let you ruin my life.
I’d actually gotten into the groove of working when I heard a knock against my open door. Great, I thought. Probably Maggie, with some tea or chocolate or something. Jesus, why can’t people just leave me alone? It’s not like I actually want to talk to anyone!
But when I looked up, I saw that it wasn’t Maggie. It was James.
“Hi,” James said nervously. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “I think I ate something bad for breakfast.”
“You should take the rest of the day off.” James checked his watch. “It’s after three, you’d only be missing a few hours.”
“I took the past two days off,” I said coldly, not looking up from my screen. “Is there something you need?”
James sighed, but he didn’t answer. He stepped into my office and I had to resist the powerful urge to throw my glass Magnate Group paperweight at his stupid, smug face.
“Look, Hanna—”
“Whatever you have to say, unless it concerns work, doesn’t interest me,” I said, cutting James off before he had the chance to break my heart for the second time in just one week. “So, please – unless there’s something urgent, please leave.”
James looked at me for a long moment, then pressed his sensual lips together and nodded.
“Okay,” he said. “Fine. Thanks for letting me know.”