“Only about a thousand times!” I yelled. “And maybe I have trust issues, but at least I’m not vengeful. How is hating your best friend for nearly a year better than being honest with her and working through the aftermath? I’m not such a beast you couldn’t have told me about B&P. This is just like your mother not changing the pescatarian setting. You’d rather feel vindicated and misunderstood than actually address the issue and feel better.”
My voice was shaking with emotion. Tears streamed down Audra’s cheeks. This was normally the part where one or the other of us would realize what a big scene we were making, crack a joke, and hug in a flurry of tears and apologies. Instead, Audra’s nostrils flared.
“You don’t know anything about my relationship with my mother.” Audra jabbed a finger into my face. “At least she’s awful to everyone. Your mother is amazing and she only despises you.”
I smacked her hand away. We were over. We were so completely over.
“You still haven’t said you didn’t make the video,” I said.
Audra put the lid on the gelato and tossed it back in the freezer.
“FCK you, Kyle,” she said. “I’m calling a car. Anyone else want a ride home? I’ll pay with my slut money.”
Audra pinged a car and went to wait outside. Fawn and Sharma swore they weren’t leaving because they were mad or were choosing sides, but, well, dot-dot-dot. After they left, I stayed downstairs and cleaned up the kitchen, trying to make sense of everything. When I finally went up to bed thirty minutes later, Mom was at the top of the stairs. It was the first time I’d seen her since our fight on Sunday.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
She frowned, an exhausted I expected exactly that kind of answer frown. She patted my arm and went to her room. I wanted to say that I was sorry. That I loved her. That, please, could she and I be okay now? Instead, as her hand touched the doorknob, I blurted out, “My hater cracked my Scholar app and sent off my unfinished college applications. And Audra is the Bra&Panties slut, which means all of my friends have been lying to me for months now. Also, I think I screwed up my relationship with Mac.”
“Whoa.” Her expression became pinched. “Why didn’t you tell me about the Scholar app immediately?”
Naturally this was the one she would pick.
“Because every second my life gets worse and I can’t keep up.” A small dry sob escaped me. “What if I don’t get in anywhere? Who’s going to accept me?”
Mom wrapped her robe tighter and cleared her throat. Here came my lecture. Instead she let out one short laugh.
“Thank God I’m not a teenager anymore.”
With a nod of her head, she herded me into my bedroom. She held the covers back as I climbed into bed. Then she sat next to me.
“First of all,” she said, brushing aside my bangs, “you just finish those applications and I’ll contact the admissions offices. And can I say, without you getting mad at me, that just because President Malin and I went to Ivies, it doesn’t mean you need to too. If college is about anything other than robbing families of money or filling up your time between your late teens and early twenties, it’s about what you make of it.”
Terrific. At the moment, I couldn’t make anything of anything.
“And if I know you, whatever school you end up at will one day have a building named after you. Second, as for Mac, honey, I saw how he looked at you at the All Brains on Deck meeting. He clearly adores you. Now, don’t bite my head off for asking, but why aren’t you dating him?”
I pulled at a loose thread on my bedspread.
“Because Mackenzie Rodriguez doesn’t date. He scores, then moves on, and that’s that. It’s like I told him, history doesn’t lie.”
Mom picked up Teddy and fiddled with his nose. She started to speak, stopped. Then, very carefully, she began again.
“Let’s not forget Mac is a teenage boy. Not only is he prewired to want to make out with every available face, but he’s cute enough to actually get to do it. You can’t blame him for that. But how long have you two been close now? Since September? Has Mac scored with anyone in that time?”
“No,” I said begrudgingly.
Though who knew if that still held true. Oh gawd—my stomach constricted—the date. It had to have gone well; he hadn’t txted me even once.
“Has he tried to score with you?”
“Mom.” I rolled my eyes, but still said, “No. Not really. He actually asked me to be his girlfriend.”
“So then what about that history? Isn’t it possible he feels differently about you?” She put her hands on my shoulders and gently shook me. “Regardless, baby, save all this relationship anxiety for your thirties. It’s not like you have to marry him. Actually, for the record, you should not marry your high school boyfriend. That’s how you end up miserable in your late twenties. If you didn’t like Mac that way, that’d be one thing. But I’ve also seen how you look at him.”
I played with the hem of her robe and then finally said what I’d been worried about this whole time.
“What if he breaks my heart? I’ll feel like such an idiot.”
“Well.” Her gray eyes crinkled at the corners. “That’s all part of the experience. It’s a given—an absolute fact—that at some point in life a person you love will tear your heart to shreds, but I don’t think that makes you stupid and I don’t think that person is Mackenzie Rodriguez. If anything, it will be the other way around. And then you’ll move on.”
Miraculously, problem by problem, Mom was making me feel better. Why had we been at each other’s throats so much these last few years? I let out a long sigh.
“That’s right,” she said. “Deep breaths. Also, before I lose the opportunity, might I add that if Mac does try to score with you, please use a condom.”
“Ew, Mom. Gross.”
“I’m sorry. It needed to be said. And lastly, I know she’s your best friend, but, honey, Audra’s always been kind of a bitch.”
Shocked, I laughed, “Mom.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s true. Living with that family doesn’t give her much choice. Granted, before the other night I hadn’t seen her for a while, but honey, Audra is clearly going through it.”
“What did you two even talk about?”
“At first, business. How the Paris stores were coming along, whether or not I liked my bookkeeper and accountant. I thought she was asking me on her parents’ behalf. Though, come to think of it, she did sound like she knew what she was talking about. I mean, what teenager knows about C corps? Then we mostly talked about you. How much she respected you, envied you. How she wished she could make you see and appreciate how perfect your life was. To be honest, it was a little intense. But I thought that’s what you liked about Audra. Her intensity. I mean, are you really that shocked that Audra’s this bra-and-panties girl?”