“You’re moving to Williamsburg?”
I knew Audra had been more withdrawn and short-fused since the summer, but it wasn’t that out of character for her; I’d thought she was just getting anxious about graduation. Whenever I asked what she was planning to do with her gap year—travel, intern, volunteer—she’d shrug and say she hadn’t decided and leave it at that. Pressing her on it never seemed worth the nasty ripples it created in our day-to-day.
Never mind that she was the B&P chick. I txted Audra when I couldn’t decide if I should buy a new blouse. Meanwhile, she’d been apartment hunting without me.
“I tried to tell you a bunch of times,” Audra continued. “Life would have been a whole lot easier these last couple months if I could have. But every time I tested the waters, you, like, created a tsunami of hate toward her. And I get it. You’re the leader of every club at our school. You say you’re going to be president, and I believe you. You won’t even date the hottest, most interesting catch at Prep because he has a history that isn’t as squeaky-clean as yours—”
“That isn’t the only reason why I won’t date Mac,” I interjected halfheartedly.
“—so you can’t be mad at me for not seeing how you could ever comprehend a project like this. Sorry I checked out on you the last few days, but we’ve been shooting for the New Year’s reveal. I’ve never been so stressed in my life. I just couldn’t handle both our dramas at the same time.”
It was like my best friend was a stranger. If her big reveal hadn’t been coming up, if all this junk hadn’t been going on with my hater, would I have found out about B&P at all? Or would I only have found out after the reveal, along with the rest of the world?
“Aren’t you gonna say anything? Come on, Kylie, lay into me already.” Audra slid the gelato and spoon down the counter to me. When I didn’t reach up to take them, she said, “Did I mention that B&P earns me enough money to buy way awesome clothes? Come on, laugh. That was a joke.”
“I can smell the drama from upstairs. Who burned the toast?”
Fawn’s bare feet smacked lightly on the floor. She looked like another person when she was tired. Her eyes turned down at the corners; her whole face got puffy.
“Kyle knows about B&P,” Audra said.
“Geez, it took you long enough.” Fawn yawned.
In the third grade, Aubrey Torr-Jones accidentally punched me in the stomach during a PE volleyball game. I remembered all the air rushing out of me, and for a split second panicking because I couldn’t bring any back in. This felt exactly like that.
Fawn eyed Audra’s pint. She grabbed a spoon from the drawer and padded over to the freezer.
“I so sleepy. Need sugar. Got anything other than blueberry? Chocolate peanut butter, maybe?”
“You know too?” I whispered.
Fawn’s eyes cut to Audra. “Aw, uh-oh, worried face. Yeah, but only because Audy needed help. I mean, who else do you think would be dumb enough to ride a horse in Prospect Park in her undies? I totally expected you to recognize me months ago. It’s why I kept sending you so many links. I mean, I know this doesn’t make up for it, but I’m buying a Peddler, one of those self-guiding bicycles, with all the money Audra paid me. Zoom, zoom.”
Fawn knelt next to me and gave me a hug. When I remained unresponsive, she reluctantly got up and went back to digging around in the freezer. I was doing my best to choke back a sob as Sharma came in.
“Was messaging one of your maybe haters that also plays Z-Wars. Said nitrogen gun exists. Stashed in a safe in the principal’s office. Comes with a hammer so you freeze the zombie’s head and then…” Her words fell off when she saw my face. “What now?”
I didn’t even bother to ask if Sharma knew. Of course she did. Who else would have helped Audra set everything up?
From deep inside our freezer, Fawn said, “Kyle knows about B&P.”
Sharma went to the snack cupboard and pulled down a bag of snap-pea crisps. She popped one in her mouth and crunched loudly.
“Good. It’s about time. Kyle, you okay? How bad equals your freak-out?”
My eyes filled with tears. “So I’m the friend my friends have to keep secrets from. Do you know how crazy that makes me feel?”
“We know how crazy it makes you look.”
Fawn pulled her Doc from the waistband of her pj’s and snapped my pic, then held it up for my perusal. I shoved the Doc away.
“Who’s the third girl in the pictures?”
It wasn’t Sharma, and it certainly wasn’t me. Fawn and Audra exchanged glances. Audra shook her head no.
“I’m sitting right here. I can see you, Audra Bethany Rhodes. Who’s the third girl?”
She shrugged, in a have it your way gesture.
“Fine, betch, it’s Ailey. Sorry. I know how much it bothers you that she and I have become friends. Even though you’ve blown me off to not screw around with Mac for the last four months and I never once held that against you.
“And for the record, maybe you’re hurt I didn’t tell you about all this, but at least I never doubted your loyalty. Did I stick up for you when I found out my dad voted to have you suspended? We only fought about it for two hours. And how do you think it makes me feel that he still went ahead and did what he wanted? Thanks for the vote of confidence, friend.”
Tears filled her eyes.
“Audra. Kylie,” Fawn said. “Come on, ladies, don’t fight.”
Audra looked at me, waiting for me to apologize. Ailey was the third girl. Audra had trusted Ailey with this secret when she wouldn’t trust me. No. Worse. She’d included Ailey in it. Ailey had been hanging around with my friends, for months, behind my back. She knew a whole world of things about my best friends that I didn’t. Things she knew I didn’t know.
“How much do you trust any of the girls?” she’d asked.
Right, because Audra was the Bra&Panties slut. Everyone knew but me, and I was the one who got put into the fake sex video? I thought of the posts that Audra had done to “defend” me. Li’l Miss Straight-A, she kept calling me; she wished I had more courage to stand up and set a better feminist example about the entire situation. I shook my head.
“Did you make the video, Audra?”
Audra laughed, then clapped her hands, slow and sarcastic.
“That’s perfect. You have some serious trust issues, Kyle. I mean, here you are blaming everyone else, but did you ever stop to examine why this is happening to you?”