I understand exactly what he means. It’s how I feel about it. He continues to paint as I finish my breakfast, marveling that I feel so at home here. A girl probably shouldn’t settle in after the first time she sleeps with a guy, but Jude has gone out of his way to make me feel welcome. Plus, I can’t deny the pitter-patter of frantic heartbeats in my chest as I look at him.
When I finish, I deposit my dishes in the sink, then walk towards the sliding door that leads onto the balcony. I pause and wait for Jude to acknowledge that I’m closer. I don’t want him to stop painting but, God, I want him to touch me. His eyes leave the canvas and drink me in slowly.
“Suddenly I’m finding the view more inspiring.”
A long-lost boldness comes over me and I drop the sheet.
His Adam ’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Now it’s very inspiring.”
I lick my lower lip, remembering how he tastes, and turn my attention back to the water. The ocean isn’t hiding its strength today. Foamy white caps crest as the tide rolls in and the water bursts against the shoreline. The sea never ceases to soothe me, but today it seems to understand that I don’t want to be calmed. I want to be ravaged. It’s as raw and powerful and hungry as I feel.
Without thinking, I slide the door open and walk out onto the balcony. The early spring air nips at my naked body, but I don’t care. I am free. The roar of the water fills my blood, invigorating me, and I hold out my arms. The wind batters my skin and I breathe in the smell of salt. It’s better than any high I’ve ever known.
Jude comes up behind me. His nearness brings a heady rush of adrenaline. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulls me back against him. Paint smears across my bare belly. I want to be his canvas.
“Aren’t you cold?” he asks.
“Not with you around.”
My words are an invitation, and he accepts. Spinning me slowly, our mouths meet, and although I want him, this kiss is more than enough. Still, I can’t deny the effect he has on my body, and after a few moments I pull away. Turning around I lean over the balcony’s railing. I glance over my shoulder. In this moment nothing can touch me but him. He seems to sense that, moving closer and gripping my hips.
“You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” His words rake through me as his hand glides down to reach between my legs. I’m already ready for him and, my legs widen instinctively. “Do you want me, Faith?”
“Yes,” I whisper the truth into the wind, but he catches it. His fingertip begins to move in a steady circle as he urges the head of his dick gently past my swollen seam. I bloom open, welcoming him as he stretches me. It’s a delicious sensation to be filled by a man like this. He could ask anything of me in this moment and I would grant it to him.
“I want to hear you, Sunshine.”
That’s definitely a wish I’m willing to grant. I grab onto the railing and hold tightly as he begins to move. Stroke after stroke, he creates the scene. The ocean before me continues to storm violently. In the far horizon gray streaks foretell rain. The whole world is in upheaval, just like the clash of emotions overwhelming my heart. Jude is at my back, storms are in my future, and I can’t find it in me to fear either. He’s pulling me under and I’m dying to drown.
His fingers pinch and knead as he continues to drive deeply inside me. On the surface I’m in control. I’m hanging on, but underneath, I’m stirring. Pleasure builds at my core, rolling in quietly as I gather strength, and then I crest, my cries escaping my lips like the roar of the ocean below. Jude leans down, kissing my neck as he begins to groan. “You feel so good.”
I let go of the railing with one hand and grasp his hand between my legs, pulling it up to my belly and entwining my fingers tightly with his as he comes. When he stills we stay like that for a long time, two souls tangled in nature: man and woman, primitive and timeless.
“You’re starting to tremble,” he says. “Come inside. Let’s get you warmed up.”
I don’t feel cold, but I follow him anyway. I can’t refuse his desire to take care of me. It’s been so long since anyone’s tried. Jude goes for a blanket and I walk around to peer at the canvas. He’s added something to it: lines, a railing, and then the soft, abstract figure of a woman. I know it’s me.
“I’m not ready to add the details,” he says as he puts the blanket around my shoulders. “I want to get it just right, and I suspect it might take a lifetime.”
I suck in a long breath and hold it in until my chest burns with exertion.
“I know you don’t believe you can ever truly know anyone,” he continues when I don’t speak, “but I’m not giving up.”
“I want you to know me, but it’s impossible. You might not like me when you get to know me,” I say softly.
He enfolds me in his arms as we stare at the woman on the canvas—anonymous and named. She’s a contradiction just like me.
“I might not like you then,” he agrees. “I suspect I might fall in love with you instead.”
Chapter 14