“What’s the reason you chose this angel?” Her question was so soft I actually felt it against my skin more than I heard it. “Does it represent you, a protector, or was it because you needed his protection?”
Turning my head to the side so she could hear me better, I said, “Maybe a little bit of both.” I was powerless against her soft caress. It was like each graze of her nails brought me one step closer to telling her everything. “I think it was more for the comfort of what he stands for, if I’m being honest.”
“What does he stand for?”
I was beyond thankful that she remained behind me, because I worried she’d see the truth written on my face while I tried to navigate around actual lies. “Taking any means necessary for the greater good.”
“What does that even mean?”
“The Bible makes it very clear that there is no justification for killing someone.” As soon as those words left my lips, her hand stilled in its exploration of the ink lining my back. But I didn’t let that stop me. “No matter the reason, the cause, how it happens…we are not allowed to cast judgment upon anyone, regardless of their crimes. But I have a hard time accepting that.”
“Are you saying you can justify killing someone?” Fear was embedded in her tone.
I had no idea why I’d taken her question this far, but it was too late to back out now. “If a cop arrives at a scene where a man shot and killed someone else, and then turned the gun on the officer…does the officer not have a right to defend himself by any means necessary? Is he supposed to stand there and let the guy shoot him, too? If you’re being attacked, and to get the person off you, you hit him in the head with a rock or a lamp…should you be punished if he dies?”
“Well…no.”
“According to religion, killing is killing. But here, we have the right to defend ourselves. We have the right to defend others. We may not be prosecuted or ever see the inside of a jail cell for doing what needs to be done, but what happens when we leave here? If the rules for taking a life are black and white on the other side, then does that mean we spend eternity in hell for protecting someone?”
“So this angel”—her fingertip lightly followed the black lines—“is to make you feel better about ending someone’s life as long as you have a good reason?”
It wasn’t so much her question as it was her tone that told me she’d never be okay with what I did for a living. I’d been married for six years, and not once did I ever contemplate being honest with Colleen about my job, but while I sat here, her hands on my skin, I had to fight against the need to explain it all to her. Now, I had a decision to make: Continue to lie to her while building a relationship and possible life together, or get a new job.
The latter wasn’t so easy.
“It’s not just that…it’s everything. Take every sin, and most of the time, you’ll find an exception. Thou shall not lie. What if a lie is the only thing keeping someone you love safe? Thou shall not steal. If you walk in on someone about to swallow a bottle of pills, are you not supposed to steal it away from them?”
When her touch left my skin, I turned to find out why. But then I saw her bright eyes, full of curiosity, not blame. She didn’t regard me with hate or disgust. And even though she hadn’t said the words, love flowed freely from her gaze, matched by the soft curve of her lips.
I gently tugged on the lamp’s chain, and when the light went out, I slid beneath the covers beside her. I lifted my arm the way I’d done countless times before to invite her into my embrace, and she willingly rested her head on my shoulder, forming her body along my side. Somehow, it felt different lying with her in bed than it ever had on the couch, but in the best possible way.
With her palm pressed against my chest, she quietly asked, “Why are his wings dirty?” A yawn hovered at the edges of her words.
“Because not every soiled soul makes for a bad person.”
Silence settled around me, and I thought she’d gone to sleep. But as soon as I closed my eyes, she mumbled, “You should’ve left the light on.”
“Why’s that?”
“You broke a rule…so it’s only fair if I get to watch you sleep.”
Amusement rolled through me as I held her closer and gave in to slumber.
Morning came too early…or late, however I decided to look at it. Jade stretched and hummed, the sheet falling away from her breasts and calling my attention to her nipples. It was enough to wake me up and pull her into me. My morning wood made her blush, so she tucked her face into the crook of my neck to hide from me.
“Keep breathing on me like that, and I won’t let you go to work,” I groaned out.
Quickly, she pulled away and turned her bright, stunned gaze toward the alarm clock on the nightstand. “Oh, crap!” She jumped out of bed and couldn’t put her clothes on fast enough. “I have to be at work in an hour, and Aria…”
We stared at each other for an elongated second, both understanding the rest of her sentence. I tossed the covers off and grabbed my discarded clothes from last night while she resumed covering herself.
“I’ll go check on her, see where she’s at. And then I’ll take her back to her room to get her changed, and on my way, I’ll knock on the door to let you know it’s safe to—” Her words came to an abrupt halt when she finally turned to face me. “Oh, you’re already dressed. Okay then…I guess we don’t really need a strategy, huh?”
My shoulders bounced with laughter and I shook my head while I stalked toward her. I set my hands on her hips and pulled her against me long enough to press a kiss to her forehead. Then I grabbed the door handle and twisted it, ready to check on Aria, although I stalled when Jade glanced up.
Panic glittered in her eyes. “What if she asks why you were in here?”
“Why are you so worried about that?” I pinched her chin and smiled. “Just bypass the question and ask her where the remote is. She’ll forget all about it.”
“Is that seriously what you do?”
With a shrug, I asked, “Hey, Jade…do you know where my phone is?”
She turned and scanned the floor around the bed where my clothes had landed last night. After a moment, she peered at me from over her shoulder with a grin so wide it made her squint. We shared a laugh and then left the room.
To our amazement, Aria was on the couch, remote in hand, eyes glued to the TV. As soon as she saw us, her gaze fell upon me, and she was on her feet in less than a second. She latched herself onto my leg, full of excitement that hadn’t been there when we’d walked out.
I met Jade’s stare and said, “See? All that worrying for nothing.”
She blew me off with a huff before grabbing Aria by the arm. “Come on, sweetheart, we have to get dressed—Mommy’s running late.”
Aria screamed, refusing to release my leg, and it visibly irritated Jade.
“I don’t have time for this. We need to hurry.”
“Just leave her here,” I offered, surprising even myself. I enjoyed spending time with Aria, but I’d never entertained the idea of taking care of her alone. Anytime it was just her and me, Jade was, at the most, across the street.