Rather than respond, I glanced to the side at the wall of diapers. I assumed Jade had turned down this aisle because she needed a box, but before she could grab one, I’d halted her purpose. I tipped my chin toward a package of training pants and asked, “How’s the potty training going?”
With a roll of her eyes, she turned her back to me again, pulled the cheapest box of regular diapers off the shelf, and slid it onto the rack on the bottom of the cart. “Not good. I didn’t start it last week because there was so much going on, so I figured I’d wait until this week. But she spent all day Monday throwing temper tantrums, and then Stevie was here yesterday. Needless to say, it hasn’t worked in my favor quite yet.”
I tilted my head and made a goofy face at Aria until she giggled. “You don’t wanna go pee-pee in the big-girl potty?”
“I not sit in ocean.” This kid had impeccable timing. “I sit in diaper.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her inability to pronounce certain letters.
“No, sweetheart,” Jade piped in. “You sit on the potty chair.”
Aria shook her head, her baby curls brushing along her cheeks with every movement. “Cash say I wear diaper so I not sit in ocean.”
“Oh, look…Goldfish.” I pushed the cart before Jade figured out what her kid was saying, and ultimately, where she’d picked it up from. I grabbed six—or ten—bags of the fish-shaped cheese snacks and filled the cart, basically using my arm to sweep them into the almost overfilled basket. “I think that’s it. Time to go.”
“If you think this won’t be added to our discussion when we get home, you’re sadly mistaken,” was all she said as she followed behind me to the checkout stands.
When there was enough room to start unloading everything onto the belt, I handed Jade the keys to the car and asked her to start the engine so the interior could begin cooling down. At first, she tried to fight me, using our agreement against me by pointing out the groceries were her responsibility. But I didn’t back down—if she saw the amount of shit I’d added, she’d put it all back, and that would not make the pint-sized princess happy. Giving me a wary, side-eyed look, she snatched the keys and headed outside.
The ride back to the house was spent in complete silence, Jade staring out the passenger-side window while I drove less than three miles home. It was awkward to say the least, but more because of the reasons why we lacked conversation. Jade had something on her mind, but until she was ready to open up about it, there was nothing I could do. Sure, I could spend the time around her trying to read her body language, yet that wouldn’t prove anything more than I’d already learned. I’d been trained to detect when someone was lying, telling the truth, keeping something, scared, anxious—every emotion known to man. The one thing I couldn’t do: read minds.
“Did you seriously buy all this crap?” Jade’s voice stopped me when I came back into the kitchen after taking Aria to the back yard to play in the sand. She was angry, that much was apparent by her harsh tone, then it was reiterated with her waving hand in the direction of the counter where bags of food lined almost every available inch.
“Aria wanted it,” I answered, adding a nonchalant shrug for good measure.
“Seriously? She asks for everything. One time, she begged for an entire gumball machine. Do you plan to buy her one of those, too?”
It was obvious her anger wasn’t about the groceries or my reasons for buying what I did. It was directed at me, meant for me, but about something else entirely. “Aside from a few things, most of what she asked for was decently healthy. I didn’t see the problem.”
“That’s your go-to excuse when it comes to my child.”
“Is that what this is really about?” I leaned against the counter with my hand, my arm extended in an effort to trap her. I refused to let her leave or distract herself with putting the food away. “If you’re pissed off over my decision to buy snacks and shit for Aria without running it past you first, then fine. I’d be happy to talk about that. I’d love to hear the boundaries I’m allowed to stay inside in regard to your kid. Lord knows I’ve fucked that up enough in the last week. If you have some special diet of hotdogs and French fries for her, please tell me. If you have a problem with me making any decisions when it comes to her, such as feeding her lunch or giving her a goddamn napkin to use to clean her hands, then tell me. I’m fully aware you’re the parent, and I won’t argue about your rules or go behind your back. I won’t push your limits or pressure you into things you aren’t comfortable with where it concerns Aria and me. But I don’t think this has anything to do with a container of strawberries or a pack of pudding.”
She kept her mouth clamped so tightly, the muscles in her jaw ticced. Her pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks—and she might as well have “pricked” me with them, given the amount of sheer rage that shot from her electric-blue eyes.
“Then what’s this about, Cash?”
“I don’t know,” I said, almost whispering, bringing my head closer to hers. “Why don’t you tell me. You’re the one who’s been either looking for a fight all morning or trying to get away from me. I don’t have a clue what happened between the time I woke up Monday and now, but I’d really love to find out.”
Jade pulled her lower lip into her mouth and scraped her top teeth along it until it popped back out. With a dramatic exhale, she blinked up at me and said, “Nothing happened.”
“Then tell me why you’re okay with me pushing the cart at the store while your kid sits up front, but you suddenly got your panties in a wad over a few extra things I picked up for her. I’m trying to understand here, Jade. I really am. The last thing I want is to cross the line with you. I’ve already told you that I understand the roles and respect any decision you make about Aria. You’re the mom. But I’m having a hard time figuring out what I can and can’t do, because everything I do is wrong.”
“Then maybe it’s a good thing that Stevie is getting a bigger place.”
“Why? So you can move back? Because I’m so hard to deal with two days a week?” I didn’t care to fight with her. I would’ve much rather had this conversation on the couch using normal voices without the heated frustration between us. But it didn’t seem to be an option at the moment.