The excitement rose swiftly even though Rosa was right. Pursuing a career in social work wouldn’t be easy for me. I knew I would work cases that would be painfully similar to mine. I knew it would be a job I’d take home with me at the end of the day, but it would be a job I cared about.
“We’ll support you, Mallory. I just want you to know that. Whether it be med school or social work or flying to the moon, we will support you.”
A bit of weight lifted from my chest. “Thank you.”
Rosa was quiet for a moment. “This situation with Rider—”
“I love him,” I blurted out. Her gaze sharpened, but once I spoke the words aloud, I didn’t want to take them back. “I love him. I’m not going to stop seeing him.”
“Honey, I...” She leaned over, placing her hand on my bent knee. “I know you think you’re in love, but you two have this past where it was just you and him against the world. I can understand why you might think you feel that way, after all that you two have shared.”
What she said didn’t sound crazy at all. Part of me could even understand it. “How do you know when you’re really in love with someone?”
Rosa opened her mouth, but she didn’t speak as she pulled her hand away.
“How did you know you were truly in love with Carl? How does anyone really know?” I shook my head. “I don’t think you can...but I know how I feel right now. Maybe that’ll change. I don’t know, but don’t—” I squared my shoulders. “Don’t tell me that I don’t know what I’m feeling or what to feel.”
She sat up straight.
“Because I know that I feel strongly about him. I know that it is love. He...he accepts me, always has, but he doesn’t expect me to stay the same, and when I fail at something in front of him, he doesn’t make me feel bad about it,” I said, trying to put words to how I felt. “He makes me feel good about myself, about him.”
Rosa’s eyes had widened as I spoke. “Okay,” she said after a moment. “I won’t tell you how you feel.”
I was on a roll now, not stopping anytime soon. “I know he would do anything to make sure I was happy and safe, and trust me, he hates that I saw what happened on Saturday. Carl doesn’t have to blame him for that. He already blames himself, but it wasn’t his fault, and I hate—absolutely hate that what happened to Jayden has somehow become something about Rider and me. That’s not right. That’s overshadowing what happened to Jayden and that’s wrong.”
Her brows rose.
And I wasn’t done yet. “I know you guys don’t really trust Rider and you don’t think he has a future, but what you don’t know is that he’s trying. He really is, and even if he decides he doesn’t want to go to college, that doesn’t make him less of a good person. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve your respect. He’s brilliant and he’s so freaking talented. The last thing he needs is yet another person not believing he’s worth the effort.”
She looked away as she pressed her lips together. “I don’t think he’s not worth the effort, Mallory. I just...don’t know what to think.”
My heart was pounding in my chest, a staccato of beats. “I just want you guys to really try—to try to see what I see in him.”
Rosa smiled faintly. “We just want what’s best for you and sometimes in wanting that, we mess up.” Reaching over once more, she placed her hand on mine and squeezed. “We can try, honey. We will.”
I closed my eyes. “Thank you.”
There was a smile in her voice as she spoke again. “I don’t know if you realize this or not, Mallory, but you’re not the same girl we first brought home. That’s a good thing.” Her hand tightened on mine again. “That’s a really good thing.”
She was right.
I couldn’t put my finger on the exact moment that I’d become a different Mallory. Maybe because it wasn’t just one moment but more of a combination of hundreds, even thousands of them. It wasn’t just going to public school or sitting with Keira at lunch. It wasn’t the conscious decision to make myself uncomfortable by taking speech class. It wasn’t just finally opening up about my past to Ainsley. It wasn’t just the day I stood in the hall and looked past the meanness in Paige’s words to the razor-sharp truth beneath. It wasn’t just what happened to Jayden and seeing life snatched away.
And it wasn’t just reconnecting with Rider, or falling in love with him.
It was everything.