Lowering my gaze, I nodded. “I wasn’t expecting it. I just wanted to be there for you.”
“I wanted you there. I did,” he said, and then rose. My gaze followed. He shoved his hand through his hair. “I wanted you there, but I also didn’t want you around what was going down—what could’ve gone down. You already saw what happened to Jayden.”
“You saw what happened to Jayden, too.”
“Yeah, but I...”
“There’s no but. That wasn’t... It wasn’t easy for anyone to see. Especially not the person who was like a brother to him.” I brushed my hair back from my face as Rider stopped a few feet in front of me. Having this conversation right now seemed wrong. “I don’t want you focusing on us right now. Jayden—”
“Would understand that we need to straighten this out,” he interrupted. “You mean everything to me, and when Hector woke me up and told me you’d been there? Fuck. My heart stopped. I’m sorry. Dammit, Mallory, I’m so sorry. We were talking about Jayden when I fell asleep. I hadn’t slept all day and when I dozed off, not a lot of time could’ve passed before you showed up. It wasn’t planned. And I swear to you, nothing happened between us. I wouldn’t do that to you, and Paige knows better.” He walked over and sat on the bed, his body angled toward me. “She knows how I feel about you. She might not be sending congratulations cards to us anytime soon.” The half grin appeared and then disappeared. “But she knows.”
My heart rate sped up. “How...how do you feel about me?”
“I think it’s pretty obvious.”
“Let’s just say I need a detailed account.”
His lashes lifted and his eyes met mine. “I can do that for you.”
“Okay.” I leaned toward him.
“I never once stopped thinking about you when you were taken away. Four years. All I could hope was that you were in a good place. Never expected you to walk into school. Didn’t even allow myself to dream about that. And then you did, and seeing you blew me away. You were just like I remembered, but different. The hints of the girl I saw in you when we were younger were now right in front of me. The moment you said my name—the moment you hugged me I knew.” Rider reached between us, folding his hand around mine. “I knew I’d fall in love with you and I did. I love you, Mallory.”
My lips parted on an inhale. “What?”
“I love you, and not the kind of love we had for each other when we were younger, you know? Paige knows that. So does Hector. So did Jayden. I love you.”
Oh my God.
I stilled as his words sank in, absorbed them as they traveled far, through my muddled thoughts, down into my skin and muscle, and all the way to the bone.
Rider Stark loved me.
I reacted without thinking.
Springing toward him, I wrapped my arms around him. Somehow, and I didn’t even know how, I ended up on his lap, my knees on either side of his thighs. At first, I just held on to him, and he held me back. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to do a million different things.
I wanted to kiss him.
That was what I went with.
When I lifted my head and leaned in, he knew what I wanted and he gave it to me. His lips touched mine, and once again I was lost in him, in us. Our breaths mingled. Our hands moved.
And I wanted this. I wanted more of this.
The rightness seized me. Saturday I hadn’t been ready but now I was. I didn’t know what made me so sure, so fearless, when I’d been so hesitant two days before, but those days felt like an eternity. Maybe it was the events of this weekend, seeing what happened to Jayden. Seeing life just snuffed out. Something about that made me want to live, to experience everything. It could’ve been what happened afterward. Arguing with Carl and Rosa and realizing that I would make mistakes and that I wasn’t perfect—that I couldn’t be. There was something freeing about it. Finding Rider with Paige had forced me to face how deeply I felt about him instead of avoiding it. Talking to him now and being open about everything. Hearing him say that he loved me.
Whatever the reason, I knew in every part of me that this right now, right here, was what I wanted.
I kissed him back, and I wasn’t thinking about whether I was doing it right or not. I tasted his lips, touched his tongue as I slid my hands down his chest. I felt his heart pounding. My body moved over him, and the crazy, swirling sensations rippled over my skin. I slipped my hand under his shirt, awed when his entire body jerked as my palm glided over his bare stomach. I wanted to feel him, feel more.
Leaning back, I reached down and gripped the hem of my sweater. His hooded gaze followed my hands, and his lips parted as I lifted the material up over my head and dropped it.
“Hell...” His voice was thick, rough. “Mallory, you’re...”
“What?” I whispered, feeling my body burn for two very different reasons.