“Poor Jayden.” She folded her arms around herself. “Poor Hector. God, I can’t even imagine what that’s like. I don’t want to. Do you know when the funeral is? Or is it too soon?”
“Too soon, I guess,” I said, tucking a stray hair back from my face. “I didn’t ask Hector when I saw him. I’m sure I’ll find out. I’ll let you know.”
Neither of us spoke for a long moment and then Ainsley sighed. “Okay. Now this whole Rider thing.”
The pressure in my chest clamped down like vise grips.
“I don’t even know what to say about that.” She shook her head. “I mean, it could be completely harmless.”
I raised my brows.
Ainsley winced. “Hey, let’s look at this logically for a moment. They had their clothes on, right?”
Oh, God. Immediately an image of Paige and Rider naked formed and I wanted to vomit. “Yes, they had their clothes on.”
“Now, that doesn’t really mean anything. When Todd and I had sex we didn’t get completely naked and all it could’ve meant was that they put their clothes back on afterward.”
I thought about what Rider and I had done yesterday while our clothing had remained on. Mostly. Wait. I refocused on what Ainsley was saying. “You think they had sex?”
“What? No. I mean, that’s like the worst-case scenario. That in his grief and whatever, he hooked up with her.” She stared at me. “Isn’t that where your mind was going with this?”
“I...” Truth was, I didn’t know what I was thinking. But I didn’t believe they’d have sex after what Rider had told me the day before. My shoulders caved in. “I saw them and I just freaked. I don’t know.” I squeezed the pillow. “I just... I defended him to Rosa and Carl. Left the house to go to him—to be there for him, and he didn’t even need me. He had—” My breath caught. “He had Paige, and he didn’t answer the phone when I called or texted. He was with Paige, Ainsley, and yesterday we...we went pretty far and I—” Pressing my lips together, I cut myself off.
“What?” she asked softly.
I didn’t want to say, because it made the hurting in my chest so much worse and it scared me so badly. Terrified me, because I knew what I was feeling was a big deal and acknowledging it made it true.
“You love him, don’t you?” she said.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I forced a shallow breath. Yesterday the mere idea of falling in love, being in love, was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. Now it was just one of those things.
“Yes. I think I am.” I opened my eyes and met Ainsley’s stare. “No. I don’t think I am. I know I am. I’m in love with him. I think I’ve been in love with him my entire life. And I love the grown Rider even more than I loved the boy when we were younger.” My heart rate kicked up. “And that’s scary.”
“Damn straight it is,” she agreed, one side of her lips curling up. “It’s why I’m totes okay with whatever happens with Todd. I don’t love him. I don’t even know what that feels like, but I know it has to be scary.”
I studied her for a moment and the knot expanded. “I thought Rider felt the same.”
“Let’s not freak out too much. Okay? We don’t know what was going on there. They were asleep on the couch, not cuddled up—”
“She was pressed against him.” Saying that made me feel sick, but I had to get it out of me and into the air between us. “He wasn’t holding her or anything, but there was no space between them. None.”
“That still doesn’t mean anything.”
My brows rose.
“All right, he’s going to have to have one hell of an excuse for it, but we really don’t know what was going on there. Paige is a friend of his and Hector’s, right? She knew Hector’s brother?”
I nodded.
“It could be harmless.”
I wanted it to be harmless. And a part of me didn’t. How crazy was that? But if it wasn’t harmless, then it would hurt and it would suck but my life would go back to normal. I wouldn’t have to worry about things like this. Or what Carl and Rosa thought of Rider. I wouldn’t have to fight for him.
Or fight in general.
I squirmed, uncomfortable with where my thoughts were going.
Ainsley placed her hand on my arm. “Has he tried to call you since you left?”
I glanced at my bag. “The phone rang a couple of times, but I...haven’t looked.”
She stared at me like I had half a functioning brain. “You should look. Seriously.”
“It’s probably Rosa or Carl.” But I slid off the bed anyway and grabbed my bag, bringing it back to me. I sat and opened the compartment. I hit the screen and disappointment crashed into me. “It’s not Rider’s. It’s an unknown number.”
“Oh.” She sighed heavily.
“Whoever it is left a message. Let me see who it is.”
“Maybe Carl and Rosa hired a private investigator to find you.”
Despite everything I laughed as I hit the message button. “That would be an excessive— Oh!” I stopped talking as I recognized the voice.
“What?” Her eyes widened as she rocked forward. “What?”