He’s dying, and he wants to do this with me. Once he’s gone I promise I’ll be a perfect Love Interest. But right now, I need to be here for him.
He could be trying to get pictures of you together or … It’s wrong, Caden. On so many levels. You shouldn’t be doing this with him.
Well, I am, Kaylee. Sorry.
I can’t be here for this. Just know that I think you’re being an idiot. A massive idiot.
Dyl is staring at me. Like always, it settles me, deluding me into thinking everything is okay even though all the evidence points to the contrary. “Kaylee?”
“Yep. She thinks I’m stupid for doing this with you.”
“Do you feel stupid for doing it?”
Our feet lift up off the ground.
I shake my head.
We lift higher into the air and I grip the railing tighter. The crowd shrinks, and then is replaced by the horizon. In the distance are the lights of the town, but there’s also an awful lot of navy sky.
“It’s beautiful,” he says.
The carriage steadies, and suddenly it isn’t so scary. I move one hand to rest on the seat between us. His eyes move down and focus on it, and his Adam’s apple bobs up and down. He seems nervous, like he’s unsure what to do now that we’re so close. I instantly know he isn’t going to make a move, but fuck that, we’re here, and I want this moment to be something more than it currently is. I guess that’s the problem with Dyl: what we have now isn’t enough for me. I all caps WANT MORE.
“You know,” I say. My voice is shaking. “You and I, we’re pretty close. Maybe we’re not in love, but we’re close, right?”
“Sure. What’s your point?”
“If you want to hold hands with someone, I’ll hold your hand.”
“So you’ll take that bullet?”
“Gladly. Seriously, Dyl, you’ve shown me so many cool things, so if there’s anything I can do for you tonight, I’d like to do it. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to try it. So are you going to hold my hand or not?”
He moves his hand across.
And places it on top of mine.
I flip my hand so our palms are touching. His skin is rough, yet his grip is soft. Our eyes meet as our fingers intertwine, and he smiles like I told a joke. And that makes me smile as well.
I’ve kissed him.
But this feels closer.
The Ferris wheel keeps moving up and the moon gets bigger and bigger and the whole thing feels like it’s never going to stop rising.
But I’m smarter than my feelings are.
And I know the descent is coming.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
I’m staring at the mirror in my bedroom. I’m wearing a white shirt, black slacks, and dress shoes. I fiddle with the top button.
How much man-cleavage should I show, Kaylee?
None, obviously. Button it all the way up. And wear a tie. You need to be the best-dressed boy in the room.
It was a joke.
Well, it was very funny, Caden. Now hurry up, I want you to be early. It’s sweet, like you’re excited about this party.
I do up the top button. Hey, I have a question. What happens to our relationship if Juliet chooses me?
Well, we won’t talk as often, because they’ll remove your implant. You’ll still have my mobile number, though, and you’re always welcome to call me if you have a question. So I become a free, always accessible relationship counselor. It’s a pretty great service. Lots of people would benefit if they had someone like me in their life. They really would.
Good to know. And hey, thanks for helping me through all this.
It’s my job, Caden. I had no choice. But that’s sweet. Thank you.
Once I’m dressed I leave my room and head toward my truck. When I reach it I open the door. Sitting on the passenger seat is a bouquet of pink tulips.
For me? How sweet.
Kaylee doesn’t respond, so I slam the door and turn on the engine. Then I drive to Juliet’s house.
Juliet and Natalie are sitting on the front steps of Juliet’s house. Juliet is wearing a frilly white dress. It’s cute, and she looks great, but it’s nothing compared to her space dress. Natalie looks characteristically stunning in a skintight green number. I park in front of them and they both stand and walk to the car. Their heels click against the driveway.
“You look beautiful,” I say, handing her the tulips. Juliet presses them to her face and inhales deeply.
“Thank you, Caden. They’re lovely.”
They climb into the backseat and clip on their seat belts.
“Do you know the way?” asks Natalie.
“Sure do.”
“Then let’s go.”
I turn the steering wheel and pull onto the road.
Juliet turns to me. Her face is covered with simple makeup, making her skin paler than usual, and her lips are glossy. “So you’re comfortable with driving now? Before you weren’t.”
“Yeah, I am. Now that I’m doing it, it’s not so scary.”
She looks out the window. “Yeah, and it’s freeing, right?”
“More than anything in the world.”
She closes her mouth and I grip the steering wheel. My palms are slick with sweat, which makes the plastic slippery. This kind, lovely girl is going to kill someone today. She’ll never know what she’s done, but that won’t stop it from being true. And, if I win, I’ll have to spend the rest of our life together knowing that her choice killed Dyl.
“How are you doing, Natalie?” I ask, in a lame attempt to stop thinking about how much everything is going to change tonight.
I flick my eyes up and look at her through the rearview mirror. Her arms are crossed and her shoulders are slouched. She moves her eyes up and meets my stare. “I’m doing about as well as you’d expect, Caden. But it doesn’t matter. Tonight, I’m going to win him back.”
“She’s pretty certain,” chimes Juliet.
“I’m certain because I know Trevor, and as much as he doesn’t think so right now, I know how he thinks. I know exactly why he’s doing what he’s doing.”
“But aren’t you mad? That he did what he did?”
“Honestly, I don’t care that he cheated. I know I’m supposed to, because it’s been bombarded into me by every single TV show ever, but I don’t want to listen to them. Like, I’m not going to dump him because a bunch of TV writers told me it’s the right thing to do. All that matters is that I still love him.”
The GPS barks a command, and I pull into Dyl’s street. “I get where you’re coming from. If I loved someone I’d forgive them anything. That’s where the unconditional thing comes from, right? It’s not, like, unconditional unless they do something bad. It’s just unconditional.”
“Right.”
Juliet smiles. “Right. Plus, Nat, if he rejects you we can still get super drunk.”
“Jules, I’m right with you. If my talk with Trev doesn’t go my way, I’m going to become a hot mess of supernova proportions.”
I park the car, and take a deep breath in through my nostrils.
Juliet rubs my arm. “Ready?”
No freaking way, I want to say.