There was one woman left who I could still make things right with. Before I had another chance to question myself, I snatched my phone up and found my mother’s number. Without a doubt, she was passed out right now. My call would wake her up, but I couldn’t wait another minute to do what I needed to. I’d already waited thirty years.
I didn’t need details from her to know that nothing had changed with my dad. He was still the same abusive asshole he’d always been. But maybe I could finally convince my mom to leave him. No, scratch that. I’d make her leave him. No more asking. I had an apartment on the Upper East Side waiting for her. I had a private jet at my immediate disposal. If I had to, I’d fly down to South Carolina and force her to leave my dad.
The decision sent adrenaline pumping through me. I hit the saved number and sucked in a breath.
One ring and all my confidence came crashing down. Panic replaced excitement. I dropped my phone like it was on fire and it clattered to the floor. What was I doing, really? Did I honestly believe that I could intimidate or physically force my mother into doing what I wanted her to?
Of course I thought that. I thought that because that’s what I was taught to do. I’d learned by watching the man who raised me.
Agony ripped through my chest. I dropped my head forward and held it between my hands. I wanted to do things right, but at this point, I didn’t have a clue as to where to start. I’d come undone. Been turned inside out. I wasn’t the person I thought I was, and I had no idea how to become the person I wanted to be.
There was only one answer. I needed to remove myself from the lives that I’d gotten too involved in. I couldn’t afford to get close to anyone. I couldn’t risk fucking things up anymore. That meant no more trying to change anyone else. If my mom didn’t want my help, there was nothing I could do.
It also meant I couldn’t let what happened with Riley happen ever again. No more slipups when it came to women. I was bad news, and that meant I had to protect others from me.
The first step on this new path would be the hardest, but also one of the most crucial ones. No more Riley. No more touching her. No more seeing her. No more talking to her. Not ever again.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
Riley
“You look great,” Ann-Marie said from the kitchen table. With her hair piled up in a bun, her black-rimmed glasses on, and a cup of coffee sitting in front of her, she looked exactly like the novelist she aspired to be.
“Thanks. You don’t think it’s too casual?”
Before she could answer, I went back to my room and closed the door so I could check myself out in the full-length mirror. The shirtdress I had chosen came down to my knees, stopping just a few inches from the tops of my brown high-heeled boots. I readjusted the top button of the dress and went back into the living room.
“It’s perfect,” Ann-Marie answered, like I had never left. “I’d call it dressy casual.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to go with me?”
“On your date?” she laughed. “Did you just ask if I want to be your third wheel?”
I winced. “Yeah. Sorry.”
“You’ll be fine. If things get weird, call me or text the safety sentence. Remember?”
“Yep. ‘I forgot to pick up the laundry.’”
“Good.” She hooked her arm over the back of her chair and smiled at me. “This will be really good for you, you know.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “I’m not sure. I mean, I’m not even into this guy.”
“You only met him once. How could you already be into him?”
“Xavier said—”
“Don’t do that,” Ann-Marie snapped. “Don’t even talk about him. And of course he doesn’t like Seth. The guy was super possessive of you.” She paused and gave it some more thought. “That being said, if anything feels off...”
“I’ll text, and then you can call with a fake emergency so that I can leave.”
“Good. That works too.” She beamed at me like she was the teacher and I was her prize pupil. “The thing that I’m trying to say is that just going out on dates is good. Nothing has to go anywhere, and not every date has to be magical. Just getting out there and meeting people is important.”
“Oh, yeah? When was the last time you went on a date?”
“Hello. I’m working on a novel. See how dedicated I am?” She waved her hand at the laptop and notebook in front of her.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go? It’s Saturday night.”
She gave me a smile. “And you’ll have a great time. When is he picking you up?”
“We’re meeting at the gallery.”
“Oh. Okay. Text me the address?”
“I already did.”
“That’s my girl.” She turned around to face her computer. “Now get the hell out of here. I have two very lovestruck teenage protagonists and no clue whatsoever how I’m going to get them to prom together.”
“Ah, the easy days.” I picked up my purse and grabbed my keys from the hook by the door. “See you soon.”
“Hopefully not too soon,” she called as I went out the door.
Since I was already running a few minutes late, I took a car to the express stop and then rode the train to Columbus Circle. The fact that I was going out tonight was still somewhat shocking, even to myself. When Seth showed back up at the bar and asked me out for a second time, I didn’t know why I didn’t say no.
Maybe it was precisely because of what Ann-Marie said. Maybe there was a need to start living life again growing in me. A need to just be out in the world, meeting people and having fun. So, despite what Xavier said, I told Seth that I would go out with him.
It wasn’t’ like Xavier’s opinions had any bearing on my decisions anymore, anyway. Three weeks without him in my life and I was still furious over our last conversation. If only he’d said more, if only he’d had some kind of real response to my accusations. Instead, he’d just sat there like he was in shock, then threw an off the wall accusation at me… and left.
Yeah, I was the one who made him leave. In my defense, I had no choice. If Xavier couldn’t open to me at least a little bit, there was no hope of a future between us. I should have been relieved he was out of my life.
I found the building—steel with minimal windows—and took the elevator up to the tenth floor. My nerves got the best of me as I waited for the doors to open. I still didn’t feel like myself. The Riley I knew worked, went home, baked a pie, went to sleep, then got up and did it all over again.
Or maybe I was getting her confused with the Riley who existed before Xavier.
Never mind. I pressed my lips tightly together as the elevator opened. My thoughts kept going back to Xavier, so I’d have to do whatever it took to distract myself.
The second I stepped out of the elevator, a waitress offered me a tray of champagne flutes. I selected one and immediately took a drink. The bubbles filled my nose and sent a hit of relaxation through me. That’s more like it.