He stopped massaging my foot. “And this has to do with us how?”
“It has to do with us,” I explained in a careful tone, “because with the kids heading off to college in a couple of years, I’d like to have a backup so I can take some time off when I want to. I need a farm manager. Sort of like Bernie used to be, but this time, they would really be a farm manager more than a personal assistant.”
We were both silent long enough to think about Bernie and wonder where he was and why he no longer stayed in touch or collected the money Worth sent.
“So, you made her quit her job and follow you home like a newly adopted puppy?” Worth’s tone was a bit sarcastic.
“Of course not. I’d never hire someone without your approval, you know that.”
“I do?”
I ran a hand down his arm, feeling the muscles flex and relax. “Well, now I wouldn’t. Those were different times. You were being sneaky, and I had to do the same.”
He nodded as though this made perfect sense. “I see.”
I nodded and shifted so he could massage my other foot. “The company she works for is putting that jet in for a routine inspection, and she has a few days off. I invited her here as our guest. At worst, I thought she’d have a nice little vacation in a place that seems like home. At best, she might be that manager.”
“You always have things worked out so neatly. Did you mention your plans to her yet?” He was teasing me. I didn’t take the bait.
“Worth, you’ve said you’d like me to spend more time with you. This is the only way I could possibly do it.”
“Not really, Auggie. You know, we won’t exactly starve if you don’t muck stalls every day. We could sell this place and move to town, or to China, for that matter.”
“Worth! You know how I feel about this place, and the kids need a home to come to on weekends and holidays. If you took horses away from me, I’d go crazy. I’m not exactly the tea cakes and bridge type, you know.”
“I’m quite aware of that. But, at the same time, you recognize that eventually working with horses will be too much to handle, especially at the rate your business is growing.”
“I was sort of hoping that one or both of the twins would take over,” I mentioned casually.
He turned to me, serious now. “Auggie, you can’t do that, and you know it. You didn’t like your mother making plans for your future, and it’s not fair that you try to do that for them. If one or both of them choose to do it of their own volition, that’s one thing. But don’t push. Promise me?”
I nodded. I knew what he was afraid of. For years now, ever since Ford had been sent away, we silently held our breath that nothing would go wrong with either of the twins. It almost felt as precarious as parents whose pregnancies miscarry over and over. You don’t know what you did wrong, but you try very hard not to repeat those mistakes. There was no logic to it, but there was no logic to life overall.
I whispered, “You think he’s still out there?”
Worth didn’t hesitate. “I know he is. I’d feel it if he weren’t.”
I nodded in agreement. I had to let it go at that. There was no other choice.
CHAPTER TEN
Hawk
The time had come to expand my business by hiring personnel. This didn’t appeal to me, but things were at the point of either expansion or go bust. I couldn’t continue at the pace I was working, nor did I particularly want to. I wanted to spend time with Liane. She was all I could think of. No matter how often I saw her.
I decided to offload much of my work to another company and become the contractor. It was the smart move, but any time I reached out to depend on a relationship, it always exploded. That sort of insecurity underwrote much of my life. I knew better than to let it ruin my business. It wasn’t about wealth. I’d already accumulated fortunes enough to last several lifetimes. This was about proving to myself, or so I wanted to believe, that I could succeed on my own. I understood enough about myself to know it was the driving force behind everything I did.
I dreamed of marching into Father’s study one day and throwing bags of gold and accolades upon his desk, proving that I didn’t need his love in order to be a whole person. Sometimes I almost succeeded in actually believing myself.
I flew out to California and looked up a few college friends who had stayed in the tech world. They put together some meetings and by the week’s end, I’d inked a deal with a very quiet, very deep firm who had cultivated a reputation for their discretion and caution. They didn’t even have a name, just an email address and a phone with voice mail. These were rare in the tech world. Most of the tech guys, including women, were in it for bragging rights. They were generally the ugly kid who never got invited to parties and had something to prove. Their money made their dicks or tits bigger, as the case may be. That’s not what I was looking for, and the only way to weed those out was face to face.
I didn’t mention to Liane that I’d be gone. It would take too much explanation, and I wasn’t ready for that. She really didn’t know a great deal about my personal life, and I think much of what she knew, she assumed. She was so different from other women I’d known. She never pried into my life. Never stalked me online or slyly suggested that she come out and see my place. Perhaps it was the British restraint, but I didn’t think so. It felt more like she had no need to do these things. She already knew what she needed to know. It was the most liberated I’d felt in my life, and I couldn’t believe it had taken a quiet church mouse to pierce my veneer.
I was in a dilemma, though. I was falling too fast, too easily. My guard was down. As good as she was, I knew there must be danger somewhere, and my brakes were off. That could prove fatal to me.
I did what came naturally. I panicked. And trolled.
Women looking for sugar daddies in California were thicker than oranges on their trees. I ambled down to the hotel bar and set up shop at a corner table. I put the bait in the water and waited, but it didn’t take long.
The waitress brought me a drink and nodded toward a blonde at the bar. I tipped my head in thanks but let it sit on the table, untouched. She turned on her stool from time to time, contemplating why I didn’t touch the drink. Women and cats share that characteristic — curiosity.