“You make it sound acceptable.”
“I’m trying to get my head straight. That’s all.” He laughs lightly under his breath, the sound full of misery that he’s trying so hard to keep from me. “I’ve left Stephanie because she made it impossible to love her. I left her because if I stay, there will be nothing left of me. I left her because I want to be happy.” He pinches my chin a little. “I want you to be happy. With me.”
“I know,” I admit, smiling a little, but it’s sad and it’s strained. “What happens now?”
“I have a place near Maida Vale. There are tenants serving a few weeks’ notice. It’ll be empty by the end of the month. Until then I’ll shack up in a hotel.”
“I’ll be able to see you?”
“Fancy moving in with me?” he kids, smiling when I grin. He could be shacked up in a tent on a crummy campsite for all I care. There would be nothing to stop me being with him. But I also get the feeling there’s more meaning laced between the words of his question, and it has me gathering my inner strength to tell him what I need to tell him.
“Jack—”
“I’ve agreed to see Stephanie this evening,” he blurts out, and my announcement gets caught on my lips. “I wanted you to know so you don’t think there’s anything in it other than—”
“Other than what?” I push my body away from his a little, damning myself for being so obviously slighted and worried.
“Other than talking like grown-ups about the arrangements.”
“Didn’t you talk last night? When you called her?”
“Last night all I cared about was getting her out of your apartment.”
“So you agreed to see her.”
“It was the only way. I can’t go back on my word, Annie. Anyway, she said she’s thinking clearer and thinks some time apart could do us good.”
“Time apart?” I question, not liking the sound of that.
He shrugs. “It’s breathing space. Time for her to get used to the idea. I’m not going to rock the boat and refuse her a half hour of my time if I get a lot more in return. Like my whole life. Trust me. I know what I’m doing.”
This is a ploy. It has to be. I listened to Stephanie last night and I watched her. She’s a desperate woman. She’ll do anything to keep him. Which brings me to something else…
I suddenly feel desperate myself, but I suck back my news and try to reason with myself. I can’t tell him that I’m pregnant now. He’s right. I have to trust him to do what he thinks is right, even if it kills me to let him. He’s undeniably in a mind-fuck, and I can’t add to that. I can’t make this any harder for him. I have to be patient, and I have to reasonable. After all, it is me who gets him when all this is over. It’s me who gets to have my happily ever after with the only man I have ever loved. The only man I’ve ever shared such a deep connection with, on every level. “Okay.” I push the word out. “I’ll go to Lizzy’s.” I can’t be alone at home thinking. I’ll go mad.
He nods. “How is she, by the way? And Micky?”
“They think I’ve lost my mind.” I say it as it is. “But they’re here for me.”
“I’m glad.” Jack pulls me back down to his chest. “I love you, Annie.” He breathes in deeply, squeezing me so tightly. “I love your passion, I love your mind, I love how you pout across the rim of your cup when you’re thinking. I love it when you fidget when you’re anxious.” His lips push into the back of my head, and I smile a little, loving him telling me all of this. “And I love your U2 T-shirt, especially when you wear nothing else with it.” Breaking out of his hold, I find his face, suddenly desperate to see him. He smiles, and I find my thumb tracing the edges of his jaw as he goes on. “I love how you pile your hair up into something resembling a pineapple, too. And I love how at the end of the day your mascara is a little smudged just here.” He touches the corner of my lid, a grin tugging the sides of his mouth. “I love everything there is to love about you.”
“I love your chest,” I say stupidly, falling back into his warmth, wishing I could hide in it forever.
Jack laughs lightly. “Let’s get this week out of the way and go to Liverpool. Three days, just you and me, yeah?”
I nod and settle into him, enjoying this snatched moment of time. I’ll tell him about the baby at the weekend, when we’re away from London, on our own and relaxed.
*
I called Lizzy as soon as I left Jack’s office. She listened to me while I told her about last night and the fact that Jack has arranged to see Stephanie this evening. I didn’t need to ask for company. She told me to get to her place at six when she’d be home from work and we’d eat curry and watch Titanic—a movie neither of us tire of, even after watching it a million times.
She greets me at the door with the biggest hug she’s ever given me. I needed it before I went to Jack’s office. Now, if she didn’t release me for the entire night, then that would be fine by me. I take my phone from my bag and hand it to her. I don’t need to be checking every minute for a text from Jack. It’ll defeat the whole point of me being here. Lizzy takes it and slips it into the back pocket of her jeans. She doesn’t say a word, doesn’t ask questions or press me: she just silently walks me into the kitchen.
I smile, genuinely happy, when I find Nat and Micky huddled around the table, chatting and laughing. Micky gives me a wink and Nat cheers my arrival. I look to Lizzy, wondering if she’s told them of my turmoil, but she just shakes her head mildly, grabbing a bottle of wine from the fridge.
Lizzy hands me a glass, but when I go to take it, I suddenly remember I should be avoiding this stuff. “Non-alcoholic,” she whispers, going on to refresh the others’ glasses with what I expect is the real stuff.
Nat toasts the air and pulls me down onto the chair next to her. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks.” I laugh, joining her in a sip of wine.
“You do.” Micky winks at me across the table. I pick up a peanut from the bowl and chuck it at his head, and he shifts, catching it in his mouth around a grin. “Tough day at work?”
“Draining,” I answer tiredly. “But it’ll be worth it in the end.”
“I hope so,” Lizzy chimes in, giving me a look as she joins us.
“I have exciting news,” Micky announces, looking blasé and very unexcited.
“You sure?” I ask.
“Yes.” He straightens and clears his throat. “I’m going on a date.”
Silence falls and we all look at each other like the weirdest thing could have just happened. I’d think I didn’t hear him right but everyone else is looking as blank as I am.
“Come again?” Nat pipes up, her chin dropping to her chest.
“A date,” he repeats, starting to swivel his bottle of beer on the table while he watches it, pouting to himself.
Nat bursts into laughter, followed by me and Lizzy. This is priceless! “Give me a fucking break, Micky,” Nat chuckles.
“What?” he asks, offended.
“You?” I laugh.