The Epic Crush of Genie Lo

Six more men filed around the corner to back up the first. They had human faces, but they were dressed identically to the smoker, down to the last stitch. The costume department somewhere had gotten lazy.

They made a semicircle around us, hemming us in against the building. I’d always thought the shots of the criminal gang pouring in to attack the hero in martial arts films were silly. But in real life, from the hero’s perspective, being outnumbered? It was actually rather terrifying.

Quentin tensed up for another knock-down, drag-out fight. His muscles snapped into readiness hard enough to be audible. My stomach lurched at the prospect of more bloodshed and violence on the level of our previous encounter.

“Oh come on,” said the leader of the gang. “Have you no decorum?”

A young couple pushed their baby stroller right by us. The street was filling up. Whatever we did outside was sure to be noticed.

The man tossed his cigarette butt aside and motioned to the inside of the tea shop. “Let’s talk. The girl, too. I wouldn’t want to be rude to your guest.”

Possibly as a show of good faith, he went in first. His brothers began to trickle in after him.

“When you said you sensed a demonic presence in my town, did that include these guys?” I hissed at Quentin under my breath.

“No! These assholes are supposed to be dead!”

“According to you, a lot of assholes are supposed to be dead, and yet we keep running into them!”

Only one member of the gang remained outside. This was our last chance to book it. None of this demon business, dead or undead, had anything to do with me.

As if he knew what I was thinking, Quentin tapped the back of his hand against the back of mine.

“Stay,” he said.

“Because it’ll be safer?”

“Because I might need your help if this gets ugly.”

It was jarring how gravely serious he sounded. I could tell he really was at a disadvantage here. But somehow I leveled the playing field?

The last man held the door and whipped his hand in a circle, telling us to get a move on.

Following Quentin inside was less of a struggle than I expected. My better instincts were failing me.



The shop was empty except for one person. “Something else I can get you folks?” asked the piercing-riddled college student who was working the register.

“Sleep,” Quentin told her.

I knew Quentin had mentioned it, but I never would have believed he could bewitch people with a single command. Not without seeing it here. The girl’s eyes fluttered shut and she sank to the floor, disappearing behind the ice cream counter.

“Conceal,” said Tawny Lion, gesturing at the front of the store.

The glass windows and doors turned into a hazy amber. People moved about outside, but they were vague shadows. Not one tried to enter the shop.

The six men, the ones who’d arrived later, settled in around the biggest table toward the back. The way they watched like attentive students made it clear their leader was to do all the talking. Tawny Lion remained in the three-way standoff with Quentin and me.

“First things first,” he said. “You should apologize for calling my brothers trash. One of the very first things we do with our newfound freedom from Hell is to seek you out so we can make amends, and you insult us? You haven’t changed a bit.”

“A pack of thieves like you is trash, and you should still be rotting in the pits!” Quentin snapped. “Did the Jade Emperor install a revolving door since last I checked?”

“Hmmm, I suppose I could tell you how we got out,” Tawny Lion said, tapping at his bottom lip with his finger. “But then again, the first rule you learn in prison is ‘no snitching.’ ”

Quentin looked ready to break the cease-fire and give him stitches anyway. I motioned for him to calm down. The situation was still negotiable.

“He’s only miffed because we pulled off the same feat he did, breaking free from Diyu,” Tawny Lion said to me, tilting his head at Quentin. “He’s also the one who sent us there in the first place, which makes it even more embarrassing for him.”

If the demon was going to speak to me like a familiar fellow conspirator, then maybe I could play along.

“Well,” I said nervously. “You sure showed his dumb ass.”

Quentin stared at me like I’d laid an egg right there on the floor, but Tawny Lion beamed.

“It’s really impressive that you’ve managed to escape Hell itself,” I said, remembering how satisfied the Demon King of Confusion was with himself for the feat. “The mystery makes it all the more mysterious. I mean intriguing. Fascinating.”

The demon pointed both hands at me, palms up. “See?” he said to Quentin happily. “Someone gets it. This is a feat that only you accomplished before. In many ways this makes me your equal.”

“Yes!” I said before Quentin could protest at being compared to the demon. “But now that you two have made your peace, I’m sure you’ll be on your way. Back to your home, wherever it is. Probably some place far from here.”

LEAVE this mortal realm! I wanted to shout. I would have sounded like a reality-show medium dealing with an invisible poltergeist in the rafters.

The very solid, tangible demon in front of me laughed.

“On the contrary,” Tawny Lion said. “Confronting the specters of our past is only the first item on our to-do list. If we want to make any headway toward the rest of our goals, we’re going to have to settle in right here on Earth.”

Dammit. So much for the “weaseling out of small talk” strategy.

“What, uh, are your goals exactly?” I felt like a Super Bowl sideline reporter forced to interview her least-favorite team. “Because maybe you don’t have to be here to accomplish them.”

“Eh, you know, a bit of this, a bit of that,” Tawny Lion said to me. “Mostly they revolve around becoming stronger. You may not believe it, but for a yaoguai, self-improvement is the greatest goal imaginable. To have ultimate control over your body and mind is to move closer to enlightenment. All demons want to attain the Way.”

He winked at me. “And the wealth of powers that come along with it aren’t so bad.”

I yielded to his explanation with a slight nod-shrug. Quentin had only just been saying that a lot of his enemies trained themselves to level up as much as possible. And from what I’d read so far in the book of Sun Wukong’s journeys, the bulk of the demons attacked the party because they wanted Xuanzang’s flesh as a spiritual steroid boost.

“Earth is like one big nature retreat, ideal for discovering your inner strength,” Tawny Lion said. “Slim chance of getting anything done in Hell with so many distractions. Now that we’re alive again, my brothers and I are going to continue our personal development and pick up where we left off back in the days of Xuanzang.”

Quentin did not like the name of his old master crossing the demon’s lips. “You mean you’re going to cheat your way to power by eating any human being that suits your needs!”

“Whaaat? Nooo,” Tawny Lion said, teasing. “That’s not our plan at all. Maybe that’s what the other yaoguai are going to do once they get here, but not us.”

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