“That was his trigger?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I think so. Anyway, I moved in with Gran, and I’ve lived with her ever since. I know it’s a super sick, awful story, and we’re, you know on this…” She looked down at her food. “I’ve probably killed the mood, and you’ll most likely never want to see me again. But, you wanted to know why I was scared, that’s why. I have a shrink I’ve seen a few hundred times and a bookshelf full of books that explain it all. For me, I want love. The real kind. The kind that keeps nightmares away and does stupid, fun shit, like going camping in a Yurt or making rainbow slime. I want love that doesn’t ever judge, or, you know, beat you to death with a crowbar.”
The dam holding back her emotions broke, and tears coursed down her cheeks.
My heart died for her. I felt every ounce of her pain and it twisted inside of me. Right now, having sex with this incredible woman was the last thing on my mind. I gave her hand a squeeze. “You deserve all that and more.”
She wiped her tears away and started in on her lobster, trying to avoid eye contact. “Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry you had to live through that. This is reality and it’s what you wanted…needed tonight. I think we’re both in transitional places at the moment and both of us are facing monumental losses. This is life, and life gets so real and so ugly at times. I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing with me.”
She pushed back her hair. “I don’t really know why I did.”
“Thank you for trusting me with your story. You’re safe with me, Caitlyn. Entirely and utterly safe. I told you I’d be your friend, so I won’t threaten you or ask you to compromise your integrity. You may not care that I’m one of the most famous men in the film industry…” she rolled her eyes, which made me laugh, “but I deeply respect you. So, you have my word, it’s gold.”
The admission made me feel vulnerable, so I sawed at my steak with the knife.
“Thank you.” It was all she gave me, but it was real.
“You’re welcome. You know, Wenton has given me my next task.”
She smiled. “Oh, what now? Clowns at the circus?” This was good. She was revving back up to her sarcastic, fun self again.
“I wish. He wants me to fall in love.” Okay, if we were going to play the morbid card, it was my turn.
“Well, that doesn’t seem hard. Women must throw themselves at you. You probably just have to pick one,” she said too easily, as if she was telling herself this information, not me.
“I’ll definitely raise you your one English teacher in China to about a thousand faceless women. I’ve fucked and I’ve done it gloriously. I have had every shape, size, color, and creed of woman. I’ve seen almost every face of ecstasy a woman can make. There might even be a record for the number of women I’ve had, casually with no strings attached. I’m your worst nightmare. In all fairness to me, I was more of a ho-bag when I was in college than recently, but I was getting plenty of play, trust me.” I rolled my eyes and gave her a fake sulking look. “Except now that is. It’s all different.”
There was a flicker of disgust in her eyes, but curiosity too. “Why is it different now?”
I didn’t blame her. She tells me she’s had one man in her whole life and can’t trust men because her dad committed a heinous crime against her mother, and I come back with “you’ll never believe how many women I’ve screwed.” Well, I didn’t just eat them all alive, some were pretty adamant that they would have had me at any cost. Regardless, we were beauty and the beast, that’s for sure.
“This is a little hard to share, but it can’t be harder than your story. I really like you. I know you’re fully aware of that fact.” She shifted in her chair. “Well, I’m conducting something of an experiment at the moment. Ironically, it’s on theme with Wenton’s task. I’ve decided to hang up the ol’ flogger. Just kidding, I’m not into that. But I’ve decided to um…invest more of myself in a relationship.”
“Why?”
Because of you.
“Because I’ve sometimes known a woman’s name when I was with her, and sometimes I’ve had no clue. And… they’re all a blur mostly. So, I plan to remain celibate until I’m able to find a woman who I can share a deeper connection with. Love, however, for me, is as hard as fucking is for you. Trust me, my issues are also deep and tragic.”
Oh my god was there a reverse on this moment?
“Why? Why is love so hard?”
She continued to eat, but I suddenly didn’t have much stomach for it.
“Well, like you, I don’t have a whole treasure trove of great childhood experiences to draw from. My parents were cold people whose families married them to keep the money from filtering out of their circle. They are a part of generations of old money. These people do business together, lobby politicians together, and practically own their corners of the world. With their enormous wealth comes rules. Marry within the horde, don’t let outsiders in. Outsiders can come to dinner parties and be honored guests but never let them see what happens behind closed doors. Don’t shine too brightly, steer clear of the spotlight, avoid being noticed. Concede to your elders. Turn a blind eye to situations that look unscrupulous, you may not know what dealings are at hand. Always support the circle… even to the death.”
Her eyes were wide, and I realized I’d laid it on a little thick. But, hell, it was thick.
“I wanted out of that nonsense, so when I was old enough, I started to make my own money. Yet even with my own independently made fortune, I didn’t escape our wealth and its strict regulations. I was still a son of the tribe. My parents, Wenton, and I are billionaires many times over. The stocks they bought me when I was a baby, long before they realized that they pretty much hated having kids, have already generated much of my wealth. Then there are houses that my grandparents left me and a business I know nothing about in Abu Dhabi that pays to the tune of ten million a month. We’re loaded in ways that are almost humanly impossible.”
Her mouth was open. I didn’t blame her. It was a lot to take in.
“However, despite our family’s great wealth, my parents are stingy with money. They didn’t go bashing each other in, I’ll give them that much credit, but they put up with one another, barely. They dealt with money, handling the house and all of their assets well. They ran our home as one would run a business. They had a passing interest in one another and did things together occasionally, but when they weren’t contractually obligated to put on a show of marriage, they were each involved in their own lives.”