“The love for your children should come first.”
He closed his eyes as if my words stung then paused before speaking again. “Sometimes life throws you a curveball, something you never saw coming. We have to make decisions about whether we want to be true to ourselves or honorable to those we love. If I’d never met Theresa, I probably would have been perfectly happy with your mother because I wouldn’t have known the difference. But because I did meet her and developed a strong connection to her, I knew what I’d be missing if I let that go. There was no going back.”
“And what exactly did Theresa have that Ma didn’t? Was it purely sexual?”
“Not at all. It’s hard to explain. It’s just a level of chemistry, Soraya, a kind of magnetic attraction between two people that I hadn’t felt with your mother or with anyone before. I could have ignored it. I chose not to. It was selfish. I’m not denying that.”
“But you don’t regret it.”
“There isn’t a single yes or no answer to that question. I regret that you and your sister were hurt by my actions, but I don’t regret following my heart. There would have been regret either way. I chose the selfish route, the one that hurt you the most, and for that, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know that I could do the same thing if I were in your shoes.”
“Then you’re a better person than me, sweetheart.”
“You just told me that you would still be with my mother today if you hadn’t made a selfish choice. Your children would have avoided years of self-doubt. As an example, I wouldn’t have the trust issues I have with men today. My mother wouldn’t have been nearly hospitalized for depression. You might not have been the most satisfied if you’d stayed, but your family would have been better off.” Tears were starting to saturate my eyes. “So, basically, we suffered the consequences of your actions.”
“And for that, I’m truly sorry, Soraya. That’s what I really came here to say more than anything.”
I just kept nodding silently, trying to process it all. “I don’t know that I’m ready to accept your apology, but I do appreciate it and am glad you came by. I’ve learned a lot from this conversation. I’ve needed guidance lately.”
“Does this have to do with that wealthy man you’re seeing? He gave me quite the dirty look the day he picked you up from my street. He must really care for you. We apparently have a lot in common. Because whether you know it or not, I do love you very much.”
“You know what? You and Graham do have a lot in common, more than you probably realize.” I sniffled.
He’s you, and I’m Theresa now.
Chloe is who I once was.
Before leaving to head home, my father stayed for a second glass of wine. I also put out some that I’d picked up during a trip that Graham and I took to Little Italy.
Things were by no means fixed between Dad and me, but we agreed to keep in touch. At least one relationship with a man in my life was heading in the right direction. Unfortunately, Dad’s visit only left me more tormented about Graham.
***
THE SIGNS WERE EVERYWHERE that night.
Graham had called me to say that Chloe had a high fever and bad ear infection. She apparently couldn’t sleep and asked him to stay and read to her to take her mind off of it. I told him to take care of his little girl and that we would get together tomorrow.
In the meantime, I happened to go online and noticed that Ida had submitted her responses that were to be published in tomorrow’s paper. One of them was the answer to my email. Before reading it, I took my wine glass out of the sink and poured the remainder of the bottle. I took a deep breath to prepare myself.
Dear Theresa,
As much as you appear to be enamored with this man, I think you already know the right answer to your dilemma. All bets are off when there is a child involved.
While you indicate that his ex was the cause for the demise of their relationship, she has apparently come to the conclusion that she made a mistake, one that she wants to rectify for the sake of their child. The fact that the choice to end their relationship wasn’t directly his (but only a result of her straying) leads me to believe that he could still harbor feelings for her. You indicated that they are quite compatible which is, even more, troubling. It sounds to me like this could turn into a messy situation for you as time passes.
You also mentioned that you don’t want to hurt him. Perhaps, if he felt that you wronged him in some way, he would be more likely to get over you quickly. You could, for example, give him the impression that there is someone else in the picture.
Do the right thing and find a man without baggage. Give this one back to his family. When it comes to getting involved with men who have children, I have a motto: smart over heart.