“Really?” Sarah asked.
“You will only ever have one mommy,” I said. “Her memory is something you’ll always have. You’ll carry it with you forever in your heart. No one, not me or anyone else, can ever take that away from you. I would never want to, sweetie. I promise.”
“Does my daddy want you to?” Sarah asked. “Is that why he asked you to come take care of us?”
“No,” I said firmly. “He just needed some extra help. He wouldn’t let anyone take your mommy’s place, not even me. I promise.”
“He wouldn’t?” Sarah asked.
“Never.”
She nodded and wiped her cheeks with her little hands. I waited to see if she had any more questions or wanted to say anything else. I knew Sean would be worried about us. We’d been in the bathroom a long time, and I was sure he saw how upset Sarah was at the table. I knew we should get back soon, but I didn’t want to rush Sarah. It took a lot for her to tell me her fears like this, and I wanted to make sure she was really okay before we went back to the table.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Sarah said. “My daddy is happier when you’re around.”
I blinked. Sarah’s words were nice but also confusing. From what I could tell, Sean was just as distant and cold as ever. If anything, he’d grown colder over the past few days. Still, Sarah seemed certain of her words.
“I’m glad I’m here too,” I said. “You ready to go back out?”
She nodded and I took her hand. We left the bathroom and walked slowly toward the table. When we came into view, Sean’s head snapped up, and he looked from me to Sarah and then back again. I knew he saw the redness of Sarah’s eyes and cheeks, but he didn’t say anything when we sat down. He just looked at me nervously.
“She’s okay,” I whispered so only he could hear. “Just needed a little girl talk, that’s all.”
Sean didn’t look convinced, but he nodded and turned his attention to the kids. Sarah finally ate her cake, giggling through each mouthful. Her fears had melted away and she was her old self again. I was glad I’d been able to help.
We finished our dessert, and Sean paid the bill. I thanked him for dinner, but he just grunted and didn’t look at me. I frowned and sat back in my chair, determined not to say anything to him around the kids. I couldn’t handle the tension between us anymore, though. I knew it was time to find out what was going on with him.
After dinner, we all piled back into Sean’s car and headed home. The kids were both exhausted so we skipped their baths for the night, and I helped them brush their teeth. They put on their pajamas and climbed into bed. I tucked them both in and went downstairs so Sean could say good night to them alone.
I thought about going to bed, but I was still determined to talk to Sean. His cold and distant behavior was becoming too much to take. He kissed me. I kissed him back. We shared an intimate moment that was both intense and passionate. It wasn’t something either of us could or should ignore. I didn’t know what was going on with him, but I had to find out. I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I did. If he didn’t want me, fine, but I needed him to tell me that to quiet the confusion in my mind.
When Sean came back downstairs, I was standing in the living room. He walked right past me, not seeing me until I cleared my throat. He paused for a fraction of a second on his way to the kitchen. His eyes met mine, but then he turned away without a word. He walked into the kitchen and pulled a water bottle from the fridge. As he turned back toward the living room, I took a step forward and cleared my throat again.
I expected him to stop or at least look at me, but he did neither. Instead, he just marched straight forward. He walked down the hallway and disappeared behind his bedroom door, pulling it closed behind him with a loud snap. I stared after him in shock.
It was one thing for him to be distant with me, but it was another for him to ignore me entirely. With anger coursing through my veins, I marched down the hallway and planted myself outside his door. I raised my fist to knock, but suddenly, all the determination drained from my body. I held my hand in front of the door, raised and ready to knock, but I never let it connect. Instead, I sighed and turned back around. What if he did tell me it was a mistake and he didn’t want me? I didn’t know how I would react and I didn’t really want to find out right now.
Just as I was about to turn around and head back down the hall, Sean’s bedroom door flew open. The look of shock on his face to find me standing there quickly turned to one of need. Without a word, he pressed me against the wall and crushed his lips to mine. An involuntary moan escaped my lips and he pressed even closer.
I wound my arms around his neck as I felt the hard length of him pressed against my thigh. Good God, how good would it feel to have that thing deep inside me? Our kiss was insistent, searching, and scorching. By the time Sean pulled away to come up for air, my panties were soaked.
I opened my mouth to say something, but the look on his face made me stop. Though he was usually unreadable, this time I could actually see the conflict written all over his handsome features. He was clearly internally at war with himself.
“Sean—”
“No,” he shook his head vehemently. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
And with that he shut himself away in his room, leaving me to stand there in the hall wondering what the fuck had just happened. My head was spinning, not only from the incredible kiss, but from the quickness with which he jumped from one emotion to the next. I scrubbed my hand over my face and padded upstairs to my room.
My body was alive with energy, and I knew I wouldn’t sleep for hours, but I still stripped down and pulled on my pajamas. Climbing into bed, I thought again about going back to Sean’s room. I imagined pounding on the door until he opened it and let me inside. I wouldn’t give up until he finally faced me, until he finally told me what was going on. The idea was a good one, but I knew I couldn’t do it. If the kids heard me knocking or if they woke up during our conversation, that would only end badly.
Rolling onto my side, I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to force myself to sleep. It was no use. Throughout the entire night, sleep evaded me. My mind shifted between anger and despair as I thought about Sean and everything that happened between us lately. I pictured him lying in bed, doing the same thing I was.
I wondered if he was just as upset, unable to sleep because his thoughts were too full of me. With a groan, I pushed that hope away and tried again to fall asleep. By the time my eyes fell shut for good, the sun was already beginning to rise.
CHAPTER ELEVEN - SEAN
“Tommy, Sarah, go get dressed please,” Emily said. The kids jumped out of their chairs and ran upstairs.
Breakfast was a quiet affair that morning. Tommy and Sarah were both still tired from our late night at dinner, and Emily wasn’t speaking to me. I knew I had fucked up and made things way worse last night and I didn’t know how to rectify it. I felt like I was losing my damn mind.
She moved into the kitchen, piling the dishes in the sink and leaving them. It wasn’t like her to leave chores for later, but I didn’t complain. In the short time she’d been with us, she already did more around the house than I had since we moved in. She was beyond helpful, but seeing her ignore dirty dishes made me watch her closer. As she moved around the kitchen, my eyes followed her.