I swallowed hard as she approached.
“It means something to me.” There was no missing the undercurrent. That she meant more. That I meant something.
Just like she was coming to mean something to me.
Too much.
“And I think you know it does, because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t put in the effort.” The smallest of smirks lifted to her sweet mouth. “You know, since I’m already kind of a sure thing.”
Surprised laughter jetted from my lungs.
This girl.
She took me by surprise at every turn.
“You are, huh?”
Slowly, she settled onto her knees on the blanket. “Mmhmm…considering every time I get around you, I can’t seem to keep my hands to myself.”
I inched closer, my mouth just brushing hers. “I’m thinking that’s just fine. I kinda like those hands on me.”
She blushed, dropping her gaze for a heated second before she looked back at me with this adoring expression on her face. “Zee.”
I pushed out a sigh. “Get over here. Seems when I get around you, I can’t keep my hands to myself, either.”
She released a giggle, and I settled to the ground, pulling her between my legs and letting her back rest against my chest.
I reached around her, finished working the cork from the wine, and poured us each a glass. “Something tells me you like it sweet.”
Just the way I liked her. Pink and sweet and luscious. Every delicate, lust-inducing inch.
She took a sip. “It’s delicious.”
My mouth was at her ear as I wrapped an arm around her waist. “Exactly what I was thinking.”
She released a contented sigh, and I leaned back a little more so we could turn our gazes to the weighted sky that rippled with the glow of the city below, while we sipped our wine and nibbled at the food. Relaxed in a moment’s peace, as if nothing mattered other than this.
“It’s gorgeous out here. You were right, I needed some fresh air.”
I pressed my lips to her temple. “It reminds me of you, you know.”
“What?”
“The sky.” My voice was a throaty rumble. “Beautiful and deep. I look up at it, at the massiveness of it, and it feels like anything might be possible.”
Fingertips fluttered across my forearm. “I like to believe everything is…if we want it badly enough. Believe in it strongly enough.”
“And that’s exactly why I can’t stop looking at you.”
She shifted deeper into my hold, like she felt safe there and wanted more. Of all the things I wanted to give her, safety was the one thing I could actually deliver.
Silence swam around us. Palpable like that space that came alive. Though there was so little distance between us, the energy had gathered to a sharp point. Compressed and amplified. Like her spirit was slowly becoming a part of mine.
“I wish we could see the stars from here,” she whispered.
She didn’t even have to look, her eyes still attuned to the sky, her fingers attuned to me. Tracing over the star on the back of my hand. “To me, that’s what love feels like.”
A shudder rocked through my being. This girl too keen. I should have shut it up and shut it down. Instead, I was murmuring the words, coaxing her deeper. “What’s it feel like?”
Her voice was a wisp of emotion. “The falling part. Like you can’t catch yourself, no matter how hard you try, even if you wanted to. And I don’t want to.”
I clutched her tighter. Maybe if I held her tight enough, I wouldn’t ever have to let go. “Don’t. Fall.”
“I think it might already be too late.”
My chest hurt from the pressure. From all the things I wanted and everything I wanted to give her. I wanted to say something, but any words felt bottled, these overbearing chains of restraint that tugged and pulled and struggled to keep me from falling right along with her.
“Have you ever been in love?” She whispered it like it was a secret. Treasured. Like the answer wouldn’t hurt and she’d embrace it like the beauty she was.
I tried to form the lie, but the lie wouldn’t come. The admission was dust. “Yeah.”
I could sense her sad smile. “What was she like?”
A quiet shot of disbelieving air puffed from my mouth. “You really want to talk about this, Alexis?”
“I told you, I want to know you. I want to know everything about you. Tell me your truth, Zee.”
But that was the problem. When she really knew, she’d run. She’d find no beauty in my truth and all those slivers I had left would be gone.
Emotion throbbed in my throat, my voice turning soft as I let myself get lost in the memory. “She was pretty. Ambitious. That music school I told you about? I met her there. She played violin.”
Those fingers were trailing across the star on the back of my hand. “While you played piano.”
“Yeah,” I said.
“My little drummer boy.”
God, this girl was undoing me. Ripping me up and turning me inside out. I didn’t even have to tell her playing the drums for Sunder hadn’t ever really been me.
She already got it.
Waves of that old grief rushed and surged, pushing at my heart, taunting at my spirit. I chuckled a little. “She was kind of stuffy. Expected things a certain way. Not a whole lot of wiggle room in the world we came from.”
The softest giggle rippled out and became one with the wind. “It’s hard to picture you that way.”
I squeezed her. “What way?”
“Not a badass rock star, all dressed up for a performance. I only have the pictures of you in my head from a different kind of stage.”
I buried my laughter at the back of her neck. “I was always a badass. Believe me, I can own a suit.”
Light, light laughter, playful and good. “Are you sure about that?”
“Oh, yeah. Girls couldn’t get enough of me.”
“Now that I can imagine.” Alexis sobered. “What happened to her?”
Regret puffed out with my exhale. “I happened, Alexis.”
“Do you miss her?”
I hefted a weighty breath. “Used to think I did. It killed me at the time. But I just had to add it up to another thing I’d lost. I can’t help but wonder, if I had loved her enough, if she’d have loved me enough, would things have happened differently. Maybe then, we would’ve stood by each other, made decisions for each other, instead of letting it ruin everything.”
Alexis was barely breathing while she absorbed what I said. Processing. Tucking away the few bits I’d offered. I wondered when she was going to hold everything—all of me.
I sucked in a breath, my insides shaking with possession, fighting the feeling that she was mine as I asked her, “You…have you ever been in love? You said there were a couple of guys…serious guys.”
She seemed to waver, contemplating her feelings. “I think I’ve gotten close. In high school, of course I thought I was in love a thousand times and it was over just as fast, and I had a couple guys I dated in college. Then there was Sam…”