Shea nudged his arm. “Oh, you’re going to sit over there and give Austin a hard time?”
Shea hooked at thumb at her husband. “Y’all should’ve seen the way this guy was sweatin’ in that delivery room when I had Connor. You’d think he’d just run a marathon when I was the one trying to squeeze out a kid.”
Baz was all grins and affection. “Hey, I’m not too big to admit when you all have us outdone.”
“Survival of the fittest, baby.” Shea winked at him.
Tamar threw up a high-five to Shea. “Exactly.”
Lyrik held up his hands. “No arguments here.”
Zee shook his head. “Well, let’s just hope this one is as painless as it can be…both for Ash and Willow.”
He smiled at me, tugging at my hand. “Better get comfortable…this could be a while.”
I curled up next to Zee on a chair. Tamar and Shea were on the other side of me. I felt like a part of them, their quiet murmurings of encouragement, the low laughter that rang with support.
I couldn’t keep my eyes from the children. From the way Zee watched them with outright reverence. His demeanor was so soft.
But there was no missing the way it carried some of that grief each time his gaze landed on them.
Softly, I brushed his leg, my voice even softer, dipping my toes in a little deeper, trying to get inside him. “Do you want that someday? A family?”
His fists clenched, but still he looked at me, eyes so intense. Unyielding. “Definition of family means a lot of different things to different people.”
“What is your definition?”
“Commitment.” He said it without reservation, gesturing with his chin around the room.
“These people…I’d die for any one of them, Alexis. I’m committed to them. I don’t share blood with a single one of them, but that doesn’t matter in the least. They’re my family. Tried and true.”
I kept my voice discreet, our conversation private. Knowing I was pushing and not having the first clue how to stop myself. “But what about what they have? Love? Marriage? Children? Do you ever want that for yourself?”
He surprised me by grasping my face and forcing me to get up close to his. “You think I don’t, Alexis? You think if I could have it, it wouldn’t be the greatest fucking honor? But I already told you…I have my loyalties and they’re set in stone. I’m bound to them. It doesn’t matter how much I want more. He’s my life.”
We both froze the second he said it.
I blinked at him. Searching. Pleading.
Tell me.
Everyone’s phones dinged with text notifications at the same time.
Baz hopped to his feet with a huge grin on his face. “He’s here.”
All the couples took turns going back to meet the new baby. An hour later, I was at Zee’s side as we made our way to Willow’s room.
Zee tapped at the door that was already open a crack and popped his head inside. “Still a good time?”
“Yeah,” a deep voice uttered.
Zee nudged the door open a little wider and held it open for us to enter. Inside, the lights were dimmed, and Willow was propped in the bed.
Exhaustion rimmed her entire being. Though she glowed with a happiness unlike anything I’d ever witnessed before. It glimmered around her like a halo, as if she’d been lifted to another plane.
Her attention was fully on her husband, who sat in the chair next to her, holding the tiniest creature I’d ever seen in his massive arms. His head was dropped.
In a daze, he looked up when we approached.
Ash was such a big, burly guy. The couple of times I’d met him, he’d been full of laughter and quick with a tease. So it was a shock to see tears in his eyes, glinting with devotion, love, and wonder.
He blinked, words raw when he turned back to the child. “I have a son.”
Zee released my hand, intensity running wild as he edged deeper into the room. He set a hand on Ash’s shoulder and looked down at the baby, his voice rough. “He’s beautiful, man. So perfect.”
“I can’t believe it, Zee. Can’t believe I’m holding my son. Colton.”
My attention drifted to Willow, who was watching them through bleary eyes.
“Congratulations,” I whispered, not sure where I stood in the middle of this but humbled to be a part of it all the same. “I’m so happy for you.”
Her smile was soft when she glanced at me. “It’s the only thing I ever wanted.”
She turned back to them, her voice a breath of reverence. “A family.”
Ash looked at her. “I never knew it was exactly what I needed until I met you.”
Need.
I swear everything punched me in the gut. The overwhelming devotion. The belief that there were good things waiting all around us. I had so much to be thankful for in my life.
But what I’d been missing was someone to believe in me.
Until Zee.
This mesmerizing man who set his big hand so tenderly on the top of Ash and Willow’s son’s head. Affection and love poured from him. “You deserve it, man. You and Willow. Take it and cherish it and don’t ever let it go.”
Overcome, Ash nodded up at him, a silent understanding transpiring between the two.
I felt like a foreigner peeking in at something great. Missing the details. No question, their stories went deep, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t see the big picture, and I wanted to be a part of it.
Zee straightened. I took a step back when I saw his expression, staggered by the amount of emotion he held there.
Love and grief.
Fear and life.
He reached over and squeezed Willow’s hand. “You did good, Willow. So damned good.”
She nodded, and he released her and strode toward me. He took my hand without a word, and I mumbled a goodbye, wondering how I’d lost footing in those few moments.
We stepped outside into the hall where the rest of the guys had gathered.
“Ever think you’d see the day?” Baz asked.
Zee shook his head. “Nope, but I’m sure as hell glad I did. Anyone deserves it, it’s Ash.”
Baz punched his shoulder. “Maybe it’s time you started to believe you deserved some of this, too.”
I got the feeling Zee didn’t want to look at me. I squeezed his hand. A silent it’s okay.
The door opened behind us, and everyone turned to see Ash stepping out. He ran a hand over his face. Nerves seemed to shake him through. “Can I have a word with you guys?”
I didn’t even wait for someone to ask me to leave. I just brushed my fingers against Zee’s arm and said, “I’ll be right over there.”
I slipped over to the corner, wishing I was out of earshot and feeling like a snoop when Ash’s words floated to me.
“I can’t do it…I’m so fucking sorry, but there is no way I’m going back out on the road and leaving them.”
Anxiety took to the air.