Christmas was chaotic, but our New Year’s Eve was quiet. Sasha, who never did finish with Shain, had finally taken the plunge and moved to Australia to be with him.
Luke was still “seeing” Grace, but they hadn’t moved in together, and I had given up trying to work out what he wanted from their relationship. Not that he was all that open with me anymore, though. Luke and I weren’t as close as we used to be. I knew that he was working all the time and probably didn’t feel the need to protect me now that I was married, but it wasn’t just him who was pulling away. I figured I still blamed him a little bit for Liam missing out on the birth of the twins and for the fact that I’d been left on my own to deal with Grandad’s death. He was my brother and I loved him, but I resented him just a little bit too.
Nan was living in a retirement village. She had her own little one-bedroom bungalow and was self-sufficient but with the added bonus of an onsite doctor, day centre, gym, and a swimming pool, all within a gated community. It meant she kept the independence she insisted upon but had companionship on her doorstep.
Liam had taken two weeks off over the Christmas holidays and had spent a lot of one-on-one time with Carter. He was still being a little aggressive, and it wasn’t just towards Lucas anymore. It was towards Archer and Flynn, too. Despite both Liam and me talking to him and trying to get to the bottom of it, we were still at a loss as to why.
I was just heading in to see my doctor for a check up, when my phone rang. I rummaged in the hood of the pushchair for my phone, and my stomach dropped when I saw who was calling.
“Hello.”
“Mrs Delaney?”
“Speaking.”
“Good morning, Mrs Delaney, it’s Ms Winshaw, Head of King Charles Preparatory School. How are you?”
Tired. Exhausted. Over it . . .
“I’m good. What can I do for you?”
I tried to remember if I’d paid the fees. I was sure we set them up as a direct debit, and I definitely remembered to pack Carter his lunch that morning.
“I was wondering if there was any chance that you or Mr Delaney could come in for a quick chat regarding Carter.” My stomach twisted itself into a tight little knot, and my head began to pound.
“Of course. Is there a problem?”
“Well, we’re having a few concerns regarding Carter’s behaviour at the moment, and we’d just like clarification on what he’s got going on in his life right now so we know best how to help him through this difficult stage.”
“Difficult stage?”
“I’d really rather not go into details over the phone, when do you think you or your husband could make it in?”
I could feel and hear my blood whoosh through my ears. I wanted to defend my child and shout down the phone that he wasn’t going through a “difficult” stage, but I knew better.
“I’ll have to check with my husband and get back to you.”
“Okay then, Mrs Delaney, I’ll expect your call. Good day to you.”
“Bye.”
I ended the call and walked in to see my doctor with a million scenarios of what Carter might have been up to running through my mind. I was so distracted that I forgot to mention the bone-weary tiredness and the strange heavy feeling I seemed to have pressing down on me. All thoughts of telling him about how some mornings I didn’t want to get out of bed and just wanted to hide from the world and sleep, were gone. But at least I was cleared to get back on the pill and resume my sex life, which would have been fantastic news if only I had the time, energy or inclination for sex.
After I managed to wrangle all the kids back into the car, hand out snacks, and give Lucas a bottle, I popped into Liam’s office, which was right around the corner. The reception area was empty, but there was laughter coming from one of the meeting rooms. I put my head around the door of Liam’s office, but that too was empty, so I continued to wait in the reception area and tried to control Archie and Flynn as they helped themselves to the water and mints that were sitting on the coffee table in front of the sofa in the waiting area.
A door flew open and Liz stepped through it. She looked a little taken aback when she saw me. It was a strange look that only lasted a second, but before I could ask her what was wrong, Flynn reached for another handful of mints and I turned to stop him.
“Sarah, hi. How are you?”
“Good thanks. Is Liam about, or Luke?”
“Um, yeah, sure. They’re just finishing up on a conference call. They shouldn’t be too long.”
“Thanks. Is it okay to wait in his office?”
“Yeah, sure. Let’s have a little look at this new baby first.”
Another younger girl who I didn’t know came out of the meeting room. She gave me a smile before sitting quietly at a desk. Liz took Lucas out of my arms to hold.
“Wow, they’re all so much like Liam.”
I knelt down and quickly collected the glass Archie had just rolled across the carpet and pulled out a tissue to wipe up the water Flynn had just spat over a pile of industry magazines that were sitting on a side table.
My heart rate seemed to accelerate exponentially, and I started to feel too warm.