Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1)

“Because you wasn’t there in the morning, and there was just G Ma and you didn’t come back for a long time and then Daddy found me and we all had to go to Nanna’s and I missed you.” He didn’t take a single breath as he spoke.

“Well, that wasn’t because of the babies. That was because Pops got sick and went to heaven.”

“Will someone else go to heaven if there’s more babies?”

“No, mate, that won’t happen.”

He wriggled out of my lap but remained standing in front of me, twisting from side to side.

“Would it be a brother or a sister bubby?”

“I don’t know yet, what would you like it to be?”

“A brother. I don’t like the sister ones.”

“Girls?”

“Yeah girls. Isabella at school, she’s a girl, and I don’t like her.”

“Why’s that?”

“Awww, she’s just horrible and calls me Carter the Farter.”

I struggled not to laugh.

“Ya know what, mate? I’ll tell you a secret about girls, shall I?”

He nodded.

“Girls are only mean to the boys who they like.”

He swung from side to side even faster as he thought about it.

“Nah, I still wanna brother one. Can I have my purples now?”

I set Carter up at his little play table with his colouring book and crayons, changed the twins’ nappies, and started dinner.

Despite a decidedly traumatic day, it all turned perfect when Liam’s arms slipped around me from behind.

“I’ve been calling you. Where’s your phone, pretty girl? You had me worried.”

I set the pasta I was just rinsing in the sink, turned around, took one look at my husband’s handsome face, and burst into tears.

“Sarah, what the fuck? What’s wrong? Did the doctor say something?”

He took both my hands and led me over to the dining table. Before he could ask me again, Carter came running from the playroom.

“Daddy. I’ve been good and mummy let me have purples and Isabella wants to be my friend really but I still want the new bubby in Mummy’s belly to be a brother not a sister.”

Liam’s features flicked through different emotions as he tried to make sense of what Carter was telling him.

“Hey, bud. Come here and give me a love. Then, I want you to go and play with your purples again for a bit while I talk to Mummy.”

Carter climbed across me to reach Liam as he shouted, “Nosey!” before rubbing his nose against Liam’s.

Climbing down he pressed his face into my belly and shouted, “Bye, brother, when you come out, you can play with my purples, too.” Then he ran back to the playroom.

“What the fuck is he on? What did you feed him today?”

I sucked in my cheeks and tried to hold in my sob, but I just ended up making a squeaking kind of noise.

“Okay, bub, talk to me. What the fuck is going on?”

I wiped my eyes on the sleeves of my hoodie so that I could see him clearly.

“Carter just told you.”

“Carter just came out here and rambled a whole load of things. Which particular thing has made you cry like this?”

Liam held out his fist and uncurled a finger as he went through his list. “Purples, Isawotsit, brother—” He got halfway through a shrug when it clicked.

“No? No fucking way?”

I nodded. He grinned.

“Fuck, my sperm are supersonic. You’re pregnant?”

I nodded again. “That’s why you’re crying?”

Another nod.

“But we said we’d have one more.”

“The twins are only just over three months old, they won’t even be one when this new baby’s born.”

“Babe, Carter’ll be at school full time. You’ll be fine. We’ve got this. We’ve got this like we’ve got everything else that’s been thrown our way.”

“I’m scared.”

“What have I told you, pretty girl? Don’t be scared, don’t ever be scared. There’s you, and there’s me, and now there’s our babies. It’s all gonna be good.”

And it was. I had a textbook pregnancy. No sickness. No high blood pressure, and no C-section. After a four-hour labour with just gas, air, and a whole lot of swear words, Lucas Jackson Delaney was born ten days after his due date and weighed a healthy six pounds eight ounces. Our family was complete.

***

Having four children all under the age of five was exhausting, especially as Carter had started school in the September, which meant I had to have four children up and out by eight thirty every morning.

Liam had taken two weeks off after Lucas was born which had been a massive help. Because everything had been straightforward that time around, we were allowed home after just twelve hours and had soon all settled into a routine quickly. Liam had gone back to work the day before, which was the last time I had seen him. I was in bed when he got home and still sleeping when he went back out that morning. I also knew he was going to be late that night because he had a meeting in the city. It was my first full day alone with all four of my children, but I felt good about things. The morning had gone well, with no dramas and Carter had been dropped off in plenty of time to start his day.